It has been over 3 years since I posted here after my fiancee Stephen died and it was a Godsend at the time. He was my soulmate. At the time people would say I would be all right and there will be a rainbow. Not on here but in my life. The teller at the bank said it was raining now but the sun would come out. All these things were nice and I guess I would say the same thing if the situation were reversed. I remember a man on this post who told me that when he went back to work after his wife died he couldn't believe that he was actually expected to go back to work. That is how I feel about life. Everyone else seems so happy and look forward to things and I don't any more. the holidays are especially bad being the lone female everyone feels sorry for and invites. They all look forward to Thanksgiving and Christmas and presents. I am dying inside. That is all over for me. The doctor put me on antidepressants and they helped and for a while I actually had hope for a bit but I know now it was a false hope. There will be no more men in my life and even if by chance there were someone they could never be him. I hate it when people say life is short. It was for him but for me it is very long and I know with my genes I will live a very long life. How does anyone do it? How do you go on living with this pain?