((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))
I am sooo sorry for your loss. Losing a child is never easy....actually it is the most heartbreaking thing you will ever endure. It is a pain that is undescribable. My brother passed away suddenly in a motorcycle accident 36 years ago (he was 16) and I have spent all these years picking up the pieces for my parents (it left me an only child). My dad passed away last week from a broken heart (he never recovered and neither has my mom). I had a breakdown 15 years after my brother passed (we were very close). It has changed my whole life. It doesn't get easier, you just get through it the best you can. You learn to hang onto what you do have left becuz that is all you can do. You hang onto your faith and know that death is just a temporary seperation.
Take care of yourself and hope you find some solace on this site.

My brother died suddenly as well 5 years ago while playing ultimate frisbee on a very hot and humid day. There was no explanation for his death. Life changed..the dynamics of our family changed. One person is missing. Their role extinguished which changes everyones roles in the family.
Everyone kept looking for me to break down, while I felt that I needed to be strong for everyone especially my parents. I guess as the only child now the responsibilities that my brother seemed to have shifted to me or atleast that is how I interpreted it.
Everyone in the family will react differently. Every moment seemed amphilfied.
I am so sorry for your loss. I felt that this site was amazing and really helped me cope and work through my grief. Grief is still there but it is not as acute as before. God bless

My brother died suddenly in 2010, I was away in another country when it happened. It was totally devastating for me, I was in denial for almost one year. I resorted to drinking as a coping mechanism. It was not a healthy way to cope but I just couldn't handle the pain. I have other sibblings and my mom was still alive then so it helped to know I could turn to them for comfort. Right now, you are also dealing with a lot of pain from the loss, don't try to be everything to everyone. Don't try and be strong, you are allowed to grieve your son for as long as you have to. I've dealt with grief in very unhealthy ways and when I finally have to face it head on I almost get a mental breakdown. Seek counsel and take care of yourself as much as you can; I know your kids will understand. God be with you at this very difficult timme and feel free to email me anytime.

Thank you so much for your kind replies.
It's been hard to find any time to just be alone to grieve. There have been so many people coming round all the time. I cried the first couple of days but don't seem to be able to cry anymore.

I have two other children who seem to be coping ok but I worry about how it will effect them in future.
I feel so desperately sad for everyone in the family. I wonder how people move on from such a situation.

This is all so fresh right now. If you can just get through one hour at a time....you are doing good.
I remember when my brother passed, ppl were at our house from sun up to sun down for months. We never had a single minute to ourselves to let our hair down and just grieve.
Perhaps letting ppl know that you need a few hours to rest or just be alone to process everything would be in order. Reassure the ppl you will be fine for 2 or 3 hours alone if this is what you need.
Kids/siblings are sometimes the forgotten mourners, so just let the surviving kids know you are there for them. It's ok to cry in front of your kids to let them know you are human as are they.
If you keep lines of communication open and don't shut down on them...they will cope much better down the road.
My parents refused to talk about my brother or hang pictures of him which gave me the message to just forget about him....in turn I kept everything in and had a breakdown 15 years later. I was the one who ended up hanging pictures up and talking about my brother so that I could work through the loss.
If you are still having difficulties doing this say several months down the road, try working with a grief counselor. You never get over it....you just get through it. The pain isn't so raw for me as it was in the first 2 years as time has healed the open wound, but the scar still remains and I still shed some tears when I talk about him to others....it means I loved/love him and miss him dearly.
I wish you peace and to be kind and patient with yourself (((((((Hugs)))))))

I am so sorry for the loss of your son.

My son died almost 18 months ago. It still seems weird to say that. Some days I still wake up thinking I will see his smiling face and it hits me again that he's gone. I used to think that the holidays and his birthday were the hardest, but I've been having a pretty rough time recently as well. It's really hard to see so many kids outside playing now that it's nice out and wishing Eli were here to play with me.

I barely remember the first few months after he died. Like your son, it was a sudden death. He was fine when I dropped him off at daycare and 5 hours later he was gone. My husband and I have grieved very differently and I have found it very helpful to talk with a therapist. I definitely still have "Eli" days too when I can't stop thinking about him and crying. A lot of my relationships with people have changed and I have actually lost friends because of it. I'm not the same person I was and I never will be. Some people don't know what to say and it's too hard to be my friend and face the reality that something could happen to their children. I have definitely learned who my friends are.

I am not a very religious person, but after this I found myself turning to God more. I know that I can't get through this without Him, even though sometimes I'm just so mad that I can't get past the "why me?" part of it. This especially happens when my sister calls and complains about her children. People say stupid, rude, inconsiderate things and it's not because they're mean, it's because they haven't lost that innocence like we have.

I also belong to a support group of other parents who have lost their children in similar ways. It is just a local group, but we did try going to the Compassionate Friends meetings a couple of times. I went to the National Conference last year with my mother-in-law and found it to be a wonderful couple of days to think about Eli and talk about him and cry.

Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help you.

I lost my son, Max, suddenly on Nov 14, 2006 in a car accident. I lost my mother on July 27th of that same year. Two very key people in my life.....I agree loosing a child totally changes you. I am not the same person I used to be......and I'm not so thrilled about whom I have become. But life moves on.......Max died in a car accident at the age of 21 and the saddest thing to accept is I can't remember the last time someone mentioned him.......I MISS HIM SO....I remember how he used to address me when he called. Everytime...Hi mama, love you mama....and the words I could hear so clearly at one time are fading......what do I do when I can't hear them anymore....???? I don't blame God, really but why my Max????? RIP, Max, I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN ONE DAY, mom and dad you too!

Your support is so helpful. It's hard to talk to my friends about the situation. They are kind but don't know what to say. Only someone who has lost a child can truly understand.

I am making sure that I talk about my son to my other children. All the photos of him are on display. I actually find it comforting to look at the photos, especially the ones of him when he was a baby.

My grief is complicated by the way he died and that he was not found straight away. I feel such guilt over this. I feel that I should have known.

Irkann- did you find out the reason for your son's death? I don't know how I will be able to have any sense of closure when I don't know what caused his death.

I lost my brother less than a year ago. There's a whole long story here, he was an alcoholic, severly diabetic, and schizophrenic. I lived with the fear for years of losing him. Still, when it happened...it was a shock. There is now a big hole in my world. It seems to be slowly killing my mother. And my other brother never talks about it. I wish you all peace. Be good to yourself and each other . Big hugs

No loss can be compared to losing a child. I'm sorry sweetheart, I really don't have any great words of comfort, only wish you peace of mind...take care...

well, technically we did find out--it was SIDS (Sudden infant death syndrome), which basically just means that they ruled everything else out. That has been one of the struggles for me I think. I have no clue what causes SIDS and it seems like no one really does. Sure there are a bunch of theories, but no one knows for sure, so there's no way to prevent it. There is nothing I can ever do if we have more children to protect them from this. And there is no one for me to be mad at either. I just feel like if it had been cancer or something I would have something to be mad about, and maybe I am just mad about SIDS and how unfair it is. I have been having a hard time again these last couple days without Eli.

I think it is important to talk with your other kids about your son. The only person who really talks to me about Eli is my 5 year old niece and it's just the sweetest thing when she starts talking about him. It makes my heart smile.

First I would like to say I am so sorry for the loss of your son. As a mother it is the hardest thing you will ever have to face in your life. I was in such a fog when my son passed that I have a hard time remembering the first month. I completely shut down emotionally, then physically. I have to agree with other posters, I am a different person, and don't think I will ever be the same. it took so much out of me, words can't even describe it. The pain never goes away, just becomes easier to manage. As the fifth year approaches I have to rely on my faith and know I will see him again when God calls me. Be gentle with yourself, and I would suggest grief counseling to help you through. I wish I could reach into your heart and take away your pain. You are not alone, there are many here in this group that have helped me through this journey that is so difficult. I pray you are able to find some peace, if you ever need to talk send me a message.HUGS........Lori

I lost my son over a month ago and suddenly
The Medical Examiner's Report will not be delivered for another month and a half. I have few supports since my friends are dealing with their own lose issues. Their is Grief Share at various churches. Though I try to keep busy, I do have waves of grief that come over me. Also, local hospices have drop in centers.
We have to allow the pain to pour through us. We need to cry and be around others who are grieving. We need hugs too.
Though I have had other losses in my life, this is Very Hard. Mark would have been 44 on March 1st. My faith in Jesus and His Mercy is keeping me going. And the belief that Mark is in Heaven and that I will see him again someday.
Love and blessings, Lori

my 28 yr old son was shot and killed 2 . 5 yrs ago . it wasnt criminal activity -- he simply wanted a baby and had a woman pregnant . eight days after the babys birth my son was shot dead in his front yard -- likely an attempt to shush him from forcing the paternity issue . the woman attempted to sell the baby off as another mans kid but dna tests have dispelled that lie . the baby is jakes .
justice is moving slowly and the nerves only get worse as time elapses . no anxiety medication for me . oh fuck no . the va has a reputation to repair no matter how many people suffer .
i,ll suffer it out . people will go to prison and me and the grandson ive yet to meet will merge our lives and build from the ashes . ' nick ' needs a foundation and i need a new purpose . providing that foundation will be my new purpose .
about 3 LWOP sentences will give us our energy .

First I want to say that I am very sorry for your loss. It truly is one, if not the most difficult times in your life! As many of us have faced similar happenings.
I can tell you from my own experience that when my son passed away suddenly, his older brother had a very rough time. He still struggles, but he has also honored his younger brother by giving his own son a piece of his brother by giving him his brothers name as a middle name. And further honoring him by getting married on his brothers birthday. He wanted to make a day that was sad to everyone into a more pleasant day. This is how my son copes. He was best friends with his brother.
I know you are worried about your children and how they will get through this. They get through it with your love and support. Don’t discount grief council help. I don’t know how old your children are, but I think that at any age they need to be able to express their feelings of sadness or feelings of being scared. It’s also a time for them to express love.
My heart goes out to you! It’s a very difficult time. Please know we are always here to listen and lean on.

Kim