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My husband and I have (had?) four children (ages 21-29). Two years ago my younger son was trying to round up his three siblings for a photo to give us as a gift. As is typical in our fast-paced world, it never happened. Last November my older son passed away just weeks after my youngest daughter moved to California. It was a strange and difficult Christmas with only two of my four home. This year my youngest is coming home for the holidays and my oldest daughter is talking about the "family portrait" we never got around to taking.
Three months ago my husband of 32 years announced that he wants a divorce, so having both of us in the picture, smiling and pretending to be a "family" just doesn't seem appropriate or realistic. Just the three kids together would be okay, but it would just seem glaringly obvious that the picture is incomplete and we're not sure how to deal with that. My daughter suggested having either the three of them gathered around a nice framed photo of their brother--or worse yet, having a head shot of him looking down upon them as if from Heaven--which I find a bit maudlin. My younger daughter is still having difficulty dealing with her brother's death and it would be hard for her to pose for the picture.
I know life goes on and we're certainly not going to stop taking pictures, but I don't think I can bear to see the three of them smiling together when none of us are happy and one of them is missing. The last portrait we had done as a family was in 1999 so it's not like a family tradition or anything! It's not that the three remaining kids aren't "good enough" without their brother, and one would think that the reality of life being capricious would make us want to capture the remnants of our family that much more, but it just doesn't feel "complete" and accentuates the fact that one is gone.
Has anyone else gone through this? Is it maybe just too soon for us or do we need to "suck it up" and get used to the new reality? I love my kids and I want pictures of them together, but I'm torn.....
Three months ago my husband of 32 years announced that he wants a divorce, so having both of us in the picture, smiling and pretending to be a "family" just doesn't seem appropriate or realistic. Just the three kids together would be okay, but it would just seem glaringly obvious that the picture is incomplete and we're not sure how to deal with that. My daughter suggested having either the three of them gathered around a nice framed photo of their brother--or worse yet, having a head shot of him looking down upon them as if from Heaven--which I find a bit maudlin. My younger daughter is still having difficulty dealing with her brother's death and it would be hard for her to pose for the picture.
I know life goes on and we're certainly not going to stop taking pictures, but I don't think I can bear to see the three of them smiling together when none of us are happy and one of them is missing. The last portrait we had done as a family was in 1999 so it's not like a family tradition or anything! It's not that the three remaining kids aren't "good enough" without their brother, and one would think that the reality of life being capricious would make us want to capture the remnants of our family that much more, but it just doesn't feel "complete" and accentuates the fact that one is gone.
Has anyone else gone through this? Is it maybe just too soon for us or do we need to "suck it up" and get used to the new reality? I love my kids and I want pictures of them together, but I'm torn.....
also, get a photo of just you and your kids because that will be for you to have and if you start cutting out your ex, it may make the photo look crappy. and the photographers can take the extra shots. Many, many hugs and take care.
I felt the same way you did after my son died...I did not think about it, but I did do a collage of photos of the family on a 16x20...some with Daren, some without...it just felt right for me.
Take care of you,
and I am sorry for your loss,
AnnM, mother of Daren
I have seen some beautiful pics of families that do the framed pic of the loved on being held in the photo. It's a beautiful pic and for them, it's a way to honor their sibling.
Talk to the photographer - there are lots of ways to add pics to pics.
Another idea is for the kids to wear an outfit their sibling would have and have it staged at a place he loved to be. So many ways to include them.
I have a heart charn on a necklace that has Randy's pic etched in it. I never take it off. It's been in every pic I've had taken in the last 10 yrs. for me --- it's comforting