Bereavement Support Group
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Uggggh- I'm taking a few steps backwards in my grief.
Having flashbacks of the notification and circumstances surrounding my sons death.
I'm missing him so much that I'm getting that punch in the stomach feeling when I think about him being gone.
Then some anger surfaced again. OMG this grief thing sucks. Like a wild carnival ride. Up and down and round and round at high speeds.
I feel like maybe I'm too obsessed with everything. I feel like I'm not alllowing myself to move forward. I'm afraid to move forward because I'm afraid I'll lose his memories. My brain has been like a sieve ever since he's gone.
Does anyone else do this? I have his memorial box of cremains on my desk. In front I have his prayer card with a penny stuck to it that I found when I asked for a sign and it was his birth yr. Also another picture of him- real casual-like I was used to seeing him. On top is a dried white rose from a flower arrangement my best friend sent me when he died. His wristwatch that beeps every hr. sob. A small cross made out of an Easter palm and a pack of his ciggarettes we found in the glove compartment of his truck.
On his black bandana I have a votive flameless candle. Every night when it gets dark I turn it on for him.
Am I nuts?
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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My day...today...misplaced my debit card...didn't realize it until I got to the register after shopping to a full cart. Used a different debit card and pulled apart everything looking for missing debit card before I left parking lot. Got home, dropped keys. So now I have a missing debit card, missing keys. A full cartload to unload and put away. I got everything put away.Dumped purse for a...
The funeral home which held the double funeral for my son and his wife in early October sent us memorial crystal snowflakes to remember them by. Their oldest son (6) obsconded with them and has them pinned to the wall by his bed, backed by little circle mirrors to give the crystal facets even more facets. I take my guitar in there and sing a custom rewrite of a Warren Zevon song to their crystals on a regular basis.
Shadows have fallen and you've run out of breath
Keep me in your heart for a while
Though you had to leave I don't believe you love us less
Keep us in your heart for a while
When I get up in the morning and I see that crazy sun
I will keep you in my heart for a while
There's a train leaving nightly called, "When all is said and done"
I will keep you in my heart for a while
Sometimes when I am doing simple things around the house
I want to think of you and smile
I know you're tied to me like the buttons on my blouse
Keep me in your heart for a while
I will hold you in my thoughts
I will take you to my dreams
I will touch you when you come into view
When the winter comes I will keep the fires lit
And feel you right next to me
Engine drivers headed north to Pleasant Street
Keep me in your heart for a while
These wheels keep on turning after we run out of steam
Keep me in your heart for a while
I will keep you in my heart for a while.
So far I still can't smile when I think of him while I am doing simple things around the house, buttttttaaaa. . . Works in progress. Time has no meaning in the healing process and this one is a BIG ol' hurt.
I miss you, my beloved son. So do your children.
I second the notion of gently leaning into my grief instead of trying to go around it. The fastest way out is straight on through. At least, that's my prayer and I'm sticking to it. Just praying. . .
its gotten better recently , i believe , because ive received some good news . the original persons of interest are about to be requestioned only this time as suspects . i think that means that the investigation is complete and if they dont break under the interrogation , they will probably be arrested and charged anyway .
there arent any words to make a parents grief any better . we feel that we have failed as parents even if the facts say otherwise .