Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
I am having so much difficulty coping with the loss of my sister from breast cancer. She was a nurse and wonderful and loving God fearing person and yet, when she was told that she had terminal cancer in Nov-2015, she decided to hide it from the entire family and we only found out about it Nov-2016 because she had a stroke from one of the tumors pressing down inside her head.
The shock from learning all of this in the ER was so overwhelming and as she laid there in critical condition while I talked with her, I was thinking how I could help her recover from the stroke with all the things needed and then the doctors started talking to me and telling me there were transferring her to another intensive care facility to do sugery on her brain and relieve the pressure from the cancerous tumor. As the oldest sibling, the doctors telling me all of this meant that now I had to deliver this information to my other siblings and loved ones and that was the hardest thing I have ever done.
Even with all the care we gave her, she had gag orders on the doctors, she would not give the family any information concerning her condition and she lasted 3 months and passed away Feb-2-2017. It was the saddest day of our lives. I am the oldest, but she was the glue.
Since that time, the entire family has split up. Nobody is coping with her death and for some reason, I am suffering so bad with this. I cry everyday, any event I avoid, when my granddaughters talk about my sister, I get so very sad and being the oldest, I know of all the suffering she went through all her life, all the bad breaks she got and just never appeared to get anywhere or was ever happy. She would always say she was happy, but she had a bad marriage, unsuccessful children, never really traveled or did anything special so her dying so suddenly really upset me. I thought she had more time. I saw here everyday and coffee houses for she and I were our specialty yet again, I thought we had more time until she hid her terminal cancer from me.
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The weeks seem to fly by!Happy Saturday to everyoneI hope that the weekend brings some chill time and barbecuesDoes it take others what seems like forever to add a comment on the boards?I'm okay everywhere else except boards..Everywhere else adds normally but it's annoyingly slow!Have a great Saturday and do something nice for you!!Big hug...xo
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I'm feeling down,, and got alot on my mind right now. I got grief going on, on top my depression and anxiety and now I got to worry about somewhere to live since I can't afford living here since my mom passed. So many bad things have happened since my mom passed. One thing after another it seems. Yesterday our fence fell from a storm that hit, had to call someone to prop it up. Thank...
It looks like several forces are at work. You did not mention it, but it sounds like your parents are no longer alive. I have noticed that parents are the biggest glue that holds families together when it comes to holidays and family events. Your sister may have been one of the few who can do it after the parents are gone, so without her (and your parents??) family drift is very likely to occur. I've seen it in my family as each generation passes.
I have been on this board for several years now, and I have never heard anybody say that they were glad their loved one hid their condition from them. So you are not alone in that. One of my best friends from high school only learned about his father's cancer a week or so before he died. My buddy and his sister were very angry at their mom for hiding it from them, even if it was their dad's wish. (They doubt that, they think their mom was being selfish.)
I do not know how to gather information from the other side, I am curious to know how many people who have terminal illnesses are glad they hid it from their family. Wait, I found a reference. It may help:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/contemporary-psychoanalysis-in-action/201211/secrets-and-health-keeping-illness-hidden
But after all the dust starts to settle, we are left with moving on. The best advice I've found here is that we need to accept that we will settle into a new normal. This is OK, it does not disrespect our departed loved one.
This normal we seek is always changing. Our children, and other younger family members, are growing older. The small and helpless learn to make their way in the world, and we can rejoice at being part of it, and being witness to it. I find this part of life's change is a great balance to the losses that we have along the way.
Huge hugs to you as you work through this.
Unfortunately people can get so lost in their own grief that they push each other away at the time that they need each other the most
A RL support group might be a big help to you.... I would also consider writing your sister a letter and reading it to her.... Say everything that you need to say and then perhaps bury or burn it.... This is often done in grief therapy..... You can get out a lot and you will cry and grieve through this.... It's a good thing though to let out your pain....
If your family was willing to come together each member could write her a letter and you could read the letters together and be there to support one another
I'm glad that you're here..... Gentle hug and a blessing.....xo