Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
I have written here before. I lost my fiancee almost 4 years ago. When he died I said my life is over and of course people said no and things would get better and all the right thing. So the first year I felt he was with me and that things would get better and that Karma would bless me with something good to make up for this. I discovered that it doesn't work that way. 2 weeks after he died my cat almost died and I thought surely God would make it up to me but it doesn't work out that way. People think I should be over it and when I mention Stephen thay say oh is he still alive. The worst part is I will never have another love because men want younger women and I am going to be alone the rest of my life. He left me at the worst time of my life. I am now in the world of single women and I can't talk to them mostly because I can't get a word in edgewise thay call to just talk and have me listen for hours. They also are glad for me to do them favors but are not active like me to do what I would like. I probably will never swim in a lake again or go up the mountains unless I go alone. They say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger but I grow weaker everyday. I am an outsider everywhere and do not fit in even with my own family. I honestly have tried and just need to accept being alone which would be okay if I were 80. I know couples who talk about what they weill do next year and I used to talk like that and it is not fair that we never got that next year. Is there anyone else who lost someone and their life has changed forever? QP
There is a real purpose for our lives. What that purpose is, we cannot know but I DO KNOW it's real. That's why I"m still here. I can't advise you because you need to find that connection between you and God by yourself. God is not a "magician" in the "sky" who does things to make us "happy" and life is far from being that as the world defines it. "Success" has nothing to do with how much money you make, how many people know your name, how many people come to your funeral: nothing, at all.
Just know this: I cannot tell you where to go or what to do, but I can tell you that God is absolutely able to answer you, to guide you, and to help you find the path you are intended to walk. Give Him a chance. You lost a lover. I lost my only child. If I can do it, so can you.
I just purchased a sign that I'm going to hang in my house so I see it everyday. It reads "Be Patient Our Prayers Are Always Answered, But Not Always On The Exact Day We Like". Try to think more positive,
when you do, good things happen. If you keep feeling down and wallowing you will never get beyond it. We will always have our deep love for our departed loved ones but, we have to LIVE. Life is a gift.
My prayers are with you. I will pray that you find strength.
I hope you find at least some peace and comfort to help sustain and keep being willing to allow reality to teach you truth and over time you will survive and learn new coping skills. It seems you may have some PTSD going on -- it took me about five years before I was aware of the PTSD and could begin seeking needed treatment for survival. One small step at a time is all we have to take and as we learn truth we learn to survive.
Gentle ((hugs)) shared
:-) Patricia
When he died, I lost all my faith in God. I didn't understand why he would take such a wonderful person from me, from his family. Part of me wants to believe that he is with me. Sometimes I smell him in certain places or random things remind me of him. After he died, I was living each day moment by moment. Now, I'm living it day by day. I used to not go a day without crying and now I can't go a week without crying. So when people have told me that I will see brighter days, I believe that is true.
My boyfriend had the biggest smile, most contagious laughter, and would do anything for anyone. And, I need to take those wonderful qualities that he had and continue to share that with the world. He has made me a better person and he is still making me a better person each day. And I believe he will guide me to find true happiness again... whether it is alone or with someone else.
I feel for you and I am sorry for your loss. Maybe instead of worrying about being alone, maybe learn to accept that being alone isn't so bad. We are never truly alone. Take your fiances wonderful qualities within yourself and share them with the rest of the world. You deserve to be happy... but we can't always wait for it to knock on our door. You will never get over this horrible loss, you will learn to live with it...but you can be happy at the same time! You are in my prayers.
I rarely post about my personal faith in God, but feel I need to share how much my faith has helped my survival after losing my husband after forty years of marriage. I was also devastated after lung cancer took him from me. Not God taking him. Lung cancer took him. God was there to support me and bring me through the days to follow that horrible loss.
I don't believe God hurts, God loves.
You may reel with emotions so overwhelming that you feel crushed,
trapped in a violent storm,
or unable to breathe.
You may feel that part of you has died
on the inside.
Know that emotions and feelings
can be survived
and every feeling you have today
is appropriate
and normal.
Fall headlong into your grief;
move through it, even if you feel
you are drowning in it.
In fighting and kicking and screaming
through, you clear a path
to the future.
Seek out those who will listen to you unconditionally.
In turn, give the gift of listening.
Become a healer be healed.
-Healing Bonds Support Groups
My grandmother lost her husband when she was 63. They'd been together 40 years. And the relationship wasn't a good one. I think that grandfather was the only person in my family I didn't mourn....
Within a year of Grandpa's death, she took a bus trip with friends to Branson, Missouri. Of all her friends, she was the only single one.... and she met the only other single guy on that trip who was 65. Because they "didn't have anyone", they hung out together and eventually became good friends... I met him when they started dating a short time later. A big teddy bear of a guy - booming laugh, HUGE hands... I instantly liked him. They got married within the year, stayed married until he passed away 2 years ago at age 92. She died a year ago at age 91 - that's almost 30 years of a 2nd chance at love. They were my favorite people out of everyone....
There's no age limit to finding someone new. Here's the thing. God has plans and none of us know what those plans are... but I'm sure of this - His plans do not include us being alone the rest of our lives. But we have to be ready. If you are still in mourning, still isolating yourself, then you are not ready. Not yet.... neither am I - I lost my soulmate this past December and DID have our cat die a week ago from lung cancer. I not only bawled but since hav e been getting panic attacks.... I too have had a heck of a time getting by day to day...
I realized recently that I have to let go of the loss, let go of the pain, and start looking toward tomorrow. Because as long as I miss him, as long as I wish for the past,, I'll never be ready for anybody new. And I realized that as that I grow forward, I'll get more and more ready for the next stage, whatever God has planned, and in the process learn more about me and who I really am deep down - which is something I haven't known for over 30 years, because for 30 years it was "Us"... So get out... volunteer, participate, explore, create.... discover you, and you'll be ready... {{HUGS}}
I can totally relate to your panic attacks mtnlionbait. I am soory about the loss of your cat so soon after the loss of your soulmate. I was bad off and was afraid to even drive after mine and it was when my cat got so sick and almost died that I kinda did more. Last year a lot of bad stuff happened again and I started to get panicky. I don't know if I could have another love after Stephen. I was never gonna kiss another guy after he died and my plumber kissed me. I see him everywhere but he is gone and everything reminds me of him and even new things that I wished he could see. Right now I will continue to pray and post here and check out the Widows group. I do feel a lot better since I posted though. I hate that you all are going through this but am touched by your responses. QP