Hugs. Hope you find a good therapist to help you and teach you coping mechanisms.

Big hug for you sweetie.... I am so very sorry that you've gone through such a horrific event.... I would definitely get some real life help for yourself

This is an extreme trauma and a devastating event..... I would make an appt to see your family doctor to see what resources are available.... If you have a faith I seek out council from a leader of that faith and look into bereavement groups that deal with suicide... I'm not sure where you are or whether there are financial constraints however some of this would be free

Suicide is very different from other forms of death and it's very hard on those left behind....... I'm so sorry for what you have gone through.... Huge hug and a blessing......xo

We have a very good PTSD board on here as well a Widows and Widowers board.... Both are active

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/widows-widowers

There are a lot of groups online for loved ones of suicide however I do believe you need real life help along with it.... Another hug

http://www.allianceofhope.org/

I am so very sorry for your loss. I can not imagine what you are going through.

I agree with Emma, please find a good therapist. You have so very much to process. We here in this group try very hard to be supportive, and we do as good as we can. Please lean on us as much as you feel comfortable doing.


Gentle hugs

My Fiancee, on October 7th my husband shot and killed himself right in front of me as well. It is the most devastating, traumatic, sad, lost, confused, and lonely situation I believe any person could ever be in. It is like I am in limbo and no matter what I do everything takes me back to that very moment. I am with you, lost, confused and not having any idea where to turn. My heart aches for you, as I know what that ache feels like. I pray that you may find peace of mind and serenity in some moments, and that you're grieving will be a bearable process. I commend you for sharing your story. I have not shared mine, as I am afraid no one could possibly understand.

Allyj1124, I just saw Deveres-Girl's post before yours. I am so sorry you suffered such a great and horrific loss. I lost my oldest son to suicide, and if he had done it in front of me, I don't know that I would have survived it. Although I seem to be surviving a lot of things now I don't expect to. Give yourself as much time and space as you need, and if someone is around you and what they are saying doesn't fit what you need, feel free to tell them so. This is your time to get the kind of help you need from others.