First of all I am so very sorry for your loss. There is never a "good time" to lose somebody we love, there are only various types of bad times.

You have recognized that your mother is dealing with his passing with anger, and that gives you something to go on. It is OK for her to be angry, and it is also OK for you to tell her that she can NOT vent all this anger on you.

Given how she is treating you, it sounds like she is not a good part of your support system. Do you have others? Your brother? Is your daughter's father in your life? How about friends at work?

I took a bereavement class, and it helped a lot. I was able to surround myself with others in the same situation, and it was good to talk to them. We all helped each other a lot.


I like to think of bereavement as dealing with emotions rather than dealing with stages. Stages makes it sound like I get one chance to deal with each stage (like anger) and then it is on to another stage.

How ever you think of it, stages or emotions, there is no set order to them although anger and denial tend to come first in my experience. You can go through the emotions/stages several times. this does not mean you are weak or failing. It means you are human, and your path is not a direct one from sorrow to acceptance.

gentle hugs you are not alone

Thank you. My sons dad doesnt involve his self at all in my life. We co parent and thats it. I left that relationship because he had an addiction that was above us. So already had that going on. Then student loans started getting taken from my checks i left him all of this on top of a stressful work environment and my mom always putting me down. I had so much going on in my head then my dad passed. Which just added fuel to the fire. He was really there encouraging me the last week he was alive then hewas gone that quick. I cant be like my mom although i feel angry inside about losing him. More selfishly anger. But i cant be that way to others. My work has been understanding with my anxiety and nerves. And dad. I go backto work next weds and im scared. I know i havent truly dealt with his death yet. I have a friend at work but with being off wehavent spoken to much. I have people that say theyll be here. Then arent. I have one person i can count on whos always here and thats it. I have people saying they'll pray for me. And thats great and fine but I just want to scream or cry on someone yell talk about it. And there's never anyone there...

And i have been to therapy twice. I go again right before i go back to work she's the one who told me about sites that are support groups and apps that she's been told about so i thought maybe itd help thank you for your response. It truly means a lot thank you.

Big hug for you Bsanders.... I am so very sorry for your loss... it's great that you've gotten into therapy... I agree with everything that Pepper has written.... I'm glad you're getting support.... Another hug and a blessing.....xo

I work in the medical field, too. Like you, I have significant stress at work. I had back to back losses. First my grandfather on December 7th 2015, then my grandmother on December 28th of this year. They were the ones that raised me, my parents. Anyways, it's become exponentially harder to manage the work stress and recently I started to crumble. I've been trying to communicate with my coworkers that I am having difficulty and need more support, and I'm (mostly) met with support. I am taking more breaks and doing my best to not let myself get to a point where I'm overwhelmed.

I did seek medical help today for my extreme anxiety. It's rough, and I'm asking for help way more than I want to, but it really is the only way that I can continue to provide quality care to others. Is there an employee assistance program at your work? Some organizations will provide additional counseling or time off.

I hope that you can find some ways to take care of yourself during this difficult time. What relaxes you, distracts you, makes you feel comfortable? For me, it's making stuff out of clay, drawing, reading books. Right now, I can't focus, and I find doing these things to be impossible, so I found some simpler things like cooking bacon and eggs, taking a bath, and listening to music.

Much love and light your way.

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could just give you a big hug and tell you I know how you feel, very ironically actually. I lost my father on Dec. 13, '12. He died 4 days after his 56th birthday. He had lung cancer and it was very unexpected. We thought when he had his lung surgery 5 months earlier that they removed it all and he was fine, Then 2 weeks before he passed, doctors said cancer had consumed his entire body and there was nothing they could do. They gave him 2 - 5 months to live, and he passed away 2 weeks later. I also work in the health field, I am a registered nurse. I actually passed my nursing boards less than a month before he passed. My parents were married 32 years and my mom moved across country after he passed because she can't bare living in the same city she built a life with my father.
I do not have, well any, support system. I can't talk to my mom or sister because I've always been the strong one, I got us through the initial loss, and they both look to me for support. They always say if I need them to call, but I just can't. I have been so withdrawn I have no friends.
I too have gone though depression and had panic attacks, before my father died. I was on depression meds for about 6 months since he died and I plan on getting back on shortly because I am really struggling right now. I feel extreme anger, for no reason, towards everyone, and just want to sit in my house and be alone, and then be so sad that I'm alone and I have no one. I have no desire to go anywhere or do anything and it's really hurting my job. Therefore I turned here because I am drowning and don't know what else to do. I would love to talk to you more and maybe we can help each other.
I will keep you in my prayers.