Bereavement Support Group

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Death & Dying
/ Bereavement Support Group

Loss of parents

DASF3
DASF3
I've been dealing with my parents death for over 10yrs now, it doesn't get easier or less painful. I am now a young adult with young children who will never have grandparents on my side of the family. It's a loss I feel I haven't been able to get over because you don't get another set of parents or someone who are willing to be a parental figure. There's a constant state of grief that I find myself in during holidays and birthdays. It's very sad but I don't show it, I put on a brave face and go about my daily activities. Most people can empathize all day long but if you haven't lost your parents at a young age, meaning before the age of 20, you don't really understand. There was no one who stepped in to offer guidance and support through life. I had to learn things on my own, and am still learning to this day. There's no one in my life that has my best interest at heart, no one cheering for me when I accomplish things, no one who is apart of my children's lives like a grandparent would be. I keep to myself because all too often I see people my age, who don't appreciate the family they have, it's so annoying I'd rather not deal with people like that. It's painful to watch someone with everything, I know I'll never have, just walk all over their loving parents that would do anything for them. I've definitely become more introverted because of the loss of my parents and having such toxic relatives. I don't want to be anything like that so I guess it'll just be my kids and I, for a very long time, if not forever.
shelda
shelda
My Mother died after a 6 year illness. My Grandmother died when I was 9 months old and my Grandfather before i was born. My Mother in laws were not overly receptive to me ...probably cause I wanted a Mom so bad...lol.Who died when I was 12 I know the loneliness feeling you're talking about and my Father had a problem after his stroke when i was 5..I would do anything to have my parents back too but now your making your new family and in time you learn how to deal with the hurt more..for every child i had i cried for my Mother...
Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
Losing parents is always hard. I lost both of mine within a year of each others, but I was in my 60s.

I also lost my only sibling 4 years ago, so in a sense I am "alone". The family I was born into is gone. My wife does not understand this; she hears the words, she knows what it means as far as having family goes.

But she does not understand it.

So given this level of 'not understanding' from those close to me, I do, in my own way, understand what you are saying.

Gentle hugs
lifeissocruel
lifeissocruel
We can never recover from losing a parent. I thought I was so tough growing up, I was tough at my job and not highly emotional with boyfriends. Since dad went to heaven, I've been crying tears that I can't believe I have. I dry up for a while, then it's like my heart being torn apart all over again. I also have toxic relatives who don't visit or call since I told them there was nothing for them to get their greedy hands on. I took mom to the doctor yesterday and thank God she's stable. Then I remembered this time last year, both mom and dad were stable, and now he's gone. I can't care for him, take him out to lunch, or just hold his hand and tell him I love him. I wonder why everyone on this planet has been given days of sorrow as we all have parents. I never got married and have no children or siblings, so I won't be hurting too many people when I go to my eternal home. Sorrow is the price we pay for love ...
Community LeaderThePepperMan
ThePepperMan
Having lost my parents myself, I can relate to the pain it brings. I was "lucky" in that my children were old enough to have had adult relationships with my parents. (Not so with my wife's father, he died when they were very young) Recover may be a complex word to use. We need to move through it. I doubt that we will ever stop missing them.

I am looking for these moments to come; when I can see something and have a smile when I think that mom or dad would have liked that. Hopefully the days when I feel sad when I experience things they would have liked will morph into the smile reaction.