Big hug for you lost..... I am so very sorry that your stepfather-in-law is now very sick..... A month isn't very long when it comes to grieving those closest to us....

I mean this to help you not hurt..... When you put everything that has gone on over years into one big melting pot life becomes a catastrophe... If this is an ongoing state for you some cognitive therapy can help.... Becoming bitter will only continue to hurt both you and your daughter... I have had a lot of loss as well so I do understand both the loss and the anger

Again I am truly sorry that you're hurting so much..... Another hug and a blessing.....xo

Yes, when the losses seem to pile up it becomes a lot to deal with. Separating them into individual losses is often the better way to do it.

As for your daughter, give her an answer that she can grab onto at her age. My grandmother (who was a nurse) told me that there are times when people get sick, so sick that death is a relief. If you have religion you can tell her that being in heaven with God is a blessing for those who are very sick or injured. If you are not religious, then bringing up God is not a good way to go.

Not religious at all Pepperman. She is hysterical at times asking why is everyone dying?
This isnt life its a nightmare.

I feel for you. I can honestly feel your pain. Someone in my family actually said the same thing when sisters and brothers started dying at 60. I thought we were being punished some how, but I am trying to stay faith filled and believe that God has a better plan for me, but trust and believe, I am not making light of how you feel, because sometimes I too feel so lost and hopeless.

With all my heart, I read your writing very tenderly and I care very much for your feelings. Your mother was a charming lady, and I'm sure that you see much of her character within your own personal qualities; a reminder of her every moment too. And what other way is there to get through this sad emotional tone with a happy story, when you are constantly reminded of your mother? The effects of grief are quick and sharp and widespread now. Most likely this awful feeling of bitterness will go out of your heart and understanding comes in. However, your little daughter is too young to generate her own defining thoughts, and most likely what she feels is produced by how adults are handling grief. There are ways to handle things in a sensible way where she can learn of death in a tender way. Possibly, if she attends school, you may rely on help from school personnel, if there is a school nurse or counselor on staff to speak with ask for help. Good strategies are available for her needs. It's so heartbreaking to know that both of you are losing strength to painful conditions of sadness.

I hope for you a new peace to overshadow you,

Remiah


https://www.sharecare.com/health/grief-emotional-health/article/coping-with-grief

Dear Lostwithoutmom

I am so sorry you are going through all this pain. I know you have probably heard that so much you are sick of it. But there are some of us that truely knows what you are going through. Each one will have something different to say as they have learned and grown from their experiences. It may seem like a nightmare that you want to wake up from and have the pain end, but it is a part of life. We all struggle with this everyday. Some might not have experienced as many losses as you, but we all have grief. I know you said you weren't religious, but God knows you are hurting and one day it WILL get better.

Over the course of my life I have had many losses too. 2 uncles (even though I barely knew them, it was still sad), all 4 grandparents, a friend, my stepdad, a miscarriage, 4 pets and recently, my mom (12/31-still grieving and coping). The 2 most hardest ones was and still is my miscarriage and my moms death. Even though life is still hard and it has thrown me some curve balls, I still am glad I have a life, living with the Grace that God has given me.

Hans left this Earth on Saturday night. As i cried and did not get much sleep. Yesterday was another day.... not any normal Sunday but Fathers Day here in Australia.
Although i had to get up and do the breakfast thing for my husband on behalf of my daughter. It was worse than normal. The loss is too grand.
No Father no father in law and then the stepfather in law. All gone.
Im 36 and ready to just give in to all this pain.

So sorry! Right now there may be nothing to give you comfort but this is a season you must go through, which unfortunately...well...sucks. Like I said, life can throw curve balls and it makes your head spin but as it says in Ecclesiastes 3 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance...

I hope this brings some comfort to you.

I find that when I am overly depressed, focusing on "victories" that are easy is a good thing. Depending on how far into the future you want to set goals, you can do things like waiting for your favorite TV show to come on. That can be a good thing to focus on, and it can divert your attention (and that of your daughter) to other things.

So you can enjoy the TV show together, or you can criticize it together. (Where did they get the idea to let the characters do ... )

If you garden you can plant seeds and wait for them to grow. Things that grow fast like radishes are great for this. Some plants like beans grow fast for a while, but can take weeks and weeks before they have any edible parts.

Telling your daughter that sometimes bad things just happen all at once is a good kid level way to explain it. Let her know that it is sad when too much sadness comes at once, but that you will get through it with her.

I do hope you find a way that works for you.

Continuing hugs