Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
Even before my fiance Stephen passed over 3 years ago, people told me I should make friends but honestly I only wanted him and had few friends and even when I did go out with friends I just couldn't wait to be with him again. Then I thought people were being nice and were reaching out to me in my darkest hour and I was vulnerable nd kind of went with the flow of whatever anyone wanted. Now I feel used. I feel like I m in the lonely hearts club where people, mostly women, call and blab in my ear for hours. They start out asking how I feel and then it is all about them. I went out with one girl for the day and she talked so much that after dinner she was hoarse. Not that I want to be the center of attention. Then these women I work with say I am their best friend ask for favors and want rides because I am not afraid to drive anywhere. They want me over their house all the time to watch movies, drink and eat. They even asked me to fix their toilet once. Sometimes they will say they feel sorry for my loss but then it is all about them. Stephen and I would only watch TV after we did something together or once in a while. They knew I spent all my time with him so now they think I have all the time in the world for them. It is almost as if Stephen had to die for them to come alive. I actually had hope for a while there because everyone said it would get better but life without him is worse than I thought. I won't have any more men in my life. That is over not that I want anyone but him but I feel even worse with more people in my life. Even my old friends and family think I should enjoy holidays and my old hobbies like gardening or art or even reading. It is like I am not supposed to make them feel bad and I don't want to but it is not my job to keep them happy when I am dying inside. Does anyone else feel that their loss will never end?
QP
QP
I lost my mother - She was nearly 100, so I'm supposed to be glad that she lived a long life. (If you only knew how often I've heard that.) But that doesn't close the door on grief. She was all I had. She was my responsibility. My mother. My confidant. My teacher. My buffer. My friend. A lifetime of ceaseless love and dedication to me; then suddenly - both my parents died six months apart - in different places...And now, five years later, I have grief AND depression - and questions over treatments at the end.
Mama would advise me - console, correct or whatever. I don't have that now - and I'm adrift emotionally. My grief has become more tangible - my depression more obvious with time.
Give your firends a chance - they mean well - You not only NEED them, but you may WANT their help when the time is right. But just find a way to either humor their good intentions now - or at least beg them to delay their efforts. Just remind them - you don't want them to go away...Believe me - you WILL need them, in time.
Spend some time alone, and with nature. In nature, nurture. Just experience some quiet, soft beauty in a park somewhere. Then, learn to politely say "no" or "I have to go now" when people are invading your boundaries and asking undue (free) favors of you.
They mean well, and are just trying to keep you busy and your mind occupied, but they need to know when to leave you alone for awhile. Only you can set those boundaries.
I am originally from Scotland so I am thousands of miles away from famly and friends, I feel so lonely and alone and I can't see anyway out of this black hole.
It amazes me how people seem to think you should be fine now, it's been 7 motnhs what's your problem??? If only they could understand.
QP