It has been over a year now since I lost my fiancee. I thought it would get better but it hasn't. People ask me how I am and I say okay because what else can I say. They don't want to hear that everyday how sad I am. I planted a garden this summer not so much because I wanted to but we always did and people expected it. Everyone is talking about the holidays but they do not mean anything to me anymore. I am putting away summer clothes and bringing out the winter ones and each article of clothing was bought with him in mind or he bought it. A dress I was going to wear someday for him. A sweater he never saw. I spent a week with family because they thought it would be good for me to get away and everything I did I thought, Stephen would have liked this. I am sick now and there is no one to bring me soup. If people ask me to go somewhere I do just because I am supposed to. It was a shock when he died but no surprise because I have never been lucky in life. My friend says I had love and not many people get to have that. We were happy and I didn't even realize how happy till right before he died and someone said you are a happy couple. Bills and Job woes took over our lives but we had each other. Now I will be alone for the rest of my life. I thought the first year would be the hardest but now I see there will be many more years without him. A lifetime.