Bereavement Support Group
Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.
Tomorrow it will have been 16 years since my father passed away. I was only 7 at the time, and most of my memories have now come from old family videos, or photos, or someone else's mind. I miss him, I think of him fairly often even now. Some days are harder then others, father's day growing up was brutal, and now it's just a small reminder of what I lost. And tomorrow, that's a hard day for me every year.
The thing is, I have a daughter now. She's almost 8 months. Last year at this time I was pregnant, and that was my excuse for not going to the grave. Something I have done annually since it happened. This year, it's snowing and my daughter has no one to watch her and I can't take her out into this weather.
But these excuses are flimsy to even me. I don't know why, but since I had even just the knowledge that I was going to be a mother it's gotten really hard to get myself out there. I want my daughter to see the grave, to know what I know of her grandfather. But I can't make myself go.
Maybe I'm just trying to hide from the fact that my fiancee, my daughters daddy, is high risk for a young death. Maybe I don't want to think about the loss while I'm in this spot of growth in my life.
I don't know....but I need to find a way to make myself go out there tomorrow. I
The thing is, I have a daughter now. She's almost 8 months. Last year at this time I was pregnant, and that was my excuse for not going to the grave. Something I have done annually since it happened. This year, it's snowing and my daughter has no one to watch her and I can't take her out into this weather.
But these excuses are flimsy to even me. I don't know why, but since I had even just the knowledge that I was going to be a mother it's gotten really hard to get myself out there. I want my daughter to see the grave, to know what I know of her grandfather. But I can't make myself go.
Maybe I'm just trying to hide from the fact that my fiancee, my daughters daddy, is high risk for a young death. Maybe I don't want to think about the loss while I'm in this spot of growth in my life.
I don't know....but I need to find a way to make myself go out there tomorrow. I
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Just thought I would join this group now that I am a widower. My wife passed away May 28th. She was "The Wind Beneath My Wings". When I met her, I was a drunken, dope smoking, fighting, hell raising biker. She told me if I could get rid of the inner storm within me, that I could be a blessing to people. God placed her in my path to stop me. I have been drug and alcohol free now for 53...
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My husband and I got our foster license last month, after 3 years of hard work (we had to start over multiple times due to family dramas and Mom's open heart surgery). We spent a year preparing the whole house, guest rooms, and children's bathroom for older kids of 7 yr old and up. Then we got a call that we have been approved to receive twin newborn premies. What, what?!! Babies!? Premies?!...
First of all, let me say I am sorry that you didn't really know your dad. In my opinion, as we grow older, I believe that we have a sense to want to know about those in our families that we didn't get to know or meet. In my case, I had a brother killed in a car accident before I was born. As I grew older, I wanted to know more about him, what he looked like, what he liked to do, what he thought about things, his values, and how he lived his life. I hope you do get to go this year but, if not, there will still be time to go. I lost a son almost 5 years ago and I go to his grave whenever I can. It's not necessarily the date but it's the time you spend there, when you go. I go to my brother;s grave on Memorial day and I try to go one or two times each year. I don't know a lot about him but, what I do know, makes me feel as I know him better and I feel closer to him. My prayers are with you and I understand why you feel the way you do.
You said that your fiancee lives kind of a 'dangerous' life. Like you said, perhaps you're thinking of the time when you MAY have to visit his grave. Or perhaps you're also thinking how short life really is, and you're thinking of your own mortality. Life is fleeting at best, and before we know it, we're in our 70's. lol. It's seems like yesterday that I was 25, and now I'm 61. Sheesh.
If it bothers you too much to go, "talk" to your father right there at home! You don't have to go to a cemetery to talk to him. God bless you and take care of yourself. Hugs, Lee
My fiancee doesn't live a dangerous life. He had a kidney transplant when he was 19, and the average life span for the kidney he now has, is not near as long as his life span would of been if he had never had to have the transplant. Of course, you never know when your going to breathe your last breath, so while the transplant increases his risk of early death it doesn't garuntee it.
I like to go out there to pay my respects. I don't often 'talk' to my father anymore. That stopped right after I turned 10. I stopped believing in God and Heaven the day I got the news that my dad was gone. And at 10 it suddenly occurred to me that if there is no after life then who the hell am I talking to? So now I go and pay my respects to a headstone and the dirt. But for me it's like telling myself that I loved him and I'll always have that, not like telling him that I still love him.
I'm really bothered by the fact that I seem to be growing more callous to this loss. I don't ever talk about him. I want to tell my daughter all about him when she gets older but all I have is second hand memories anymore.
I guess it just depresses me a bit.