I can relate to you. I lost my only sibling about 5 years ago, my mom 2 years ago, and my dad 1 year ago. (All in the month of August, just different years.)

Do you have siblings?

My sister was very sudden, and it hit us all really hard. I loved my sister very much, but we did not talk often. Every couple of months. But it was devistating, she was only in her late 50s.

My mother was well into dementia, so I had been saying good by to her in bits and pieces for years. In a way her passing was a blessing.

My dad was sudden too. He was not in the best of health, but he was cleared for hip replacement surgery, so he had to be in good enough health. He died a month after his surgery; the surgery went bad, and he was mostly sedated for an entire day. I'm still pissed about that, but what can I do??


What others don't understand, but I thin that you will, is that I have lost the family I was born into. That is like a loss all of its own. My sister should still be here. I should be able to share stories with her about the time that ... (fill in the gap). Now there are so many stories and experiences that I am the only one who was there for. That is what I miss.

I think that of the 3 deaths, my dad's hit me the hardest. I was closest to him of all my family, and he was the last of my birth family to go.


Sorry to make this about me, but I suspect that you have much the same feelings as I did when it comes to multiple losses.

Gentle hugs

Huge hug for you Erykah.... Loss is so very hard.... and I'm so sorry you've lost the people that you love
I've lost my family now as well and it hurts... Anger is one of the stages of grief and grieving is a process ... I know that can sound matter of fact however it's true
I'm glad you've found us here... What I found eventually is that what once caused me pain or anger I can now think about not the end of their lives but their lives and how they lived... That comes in time.....
There are many grief groups as well and they can help you work though it
There are MeetUp's for grief if you're in the US
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross has written books about grief that are very good and can be really helpful
Big hug for you and a blessing....xo

Hi Erykah, first I'm sorry for your loss. The pain of loosing your parents is Huge, and yes Anger/meltdown/frustrations...you have a right to your feelings. So much more important for your own health is to express them to people whom you trust, and people who do know the process of grieving you are experiencing. People/friends do mean well, and you are absolutely right, they don't know your pain, specifically. However, if they have lost a loved one, gone through a divorce, gone through the departure of a child from home, they have all experienced the pain of loss. Suncloud wrote of book, it is called On Death and Dying, mainly for those who are going through their death process. For me, the book saved my sanity. Better understanding death, and my Own Emotions, the stages of healing. For me, I found the hardest part of my pain was the time you are experiencing now. After all the insanity right after death, the numbness of each day, then it hits. I'm alone, the person is gone....yet that huge hole can be filled. Your Mom, God rest her soul, is and always will be with you as your Dad. They are a part of you and you are a part of them. To comfort me, I wear a ring I gave to my Mom on her 70th birthday around my neck...it has the birthstones of my brother and sister. All of my birth family is gone, and I now have a new family of people who understand...mainly my friends and my church. I talk to my family All the time, especially my Mom. These next couple of months, when the phone calls are less, and quiet times seem so pronounced, listen carefully, your Mom and Dad will pop into your thoughts, with love and support. ((((Hugs))) ML

I pretend to be okay because I am afraid of letting my upset out. I have seizures too when I get overwhelmed and end up being abused when unconscious because they aren't epileptic but nurses feel I am seeking attention but I can't move at all sort of like jerking around half asleep but unable to open eyes or talk.