Bereavement Support Group

Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.

3,877 Members
13,418 Posts
0 Online
Death & Dying
/ Bereavement Support Group

Forewarned is forearmed.

SJB12
SJB12
I want to pass along some wisdom that was imparted on me by my father shortly before his passing.He was concerned about my mother being talked in to spending too much money on his funeral expenses after he passed.Here is what I have come to realize where arrangements go.Uunderstand that a funeral home sales person is not your friend.The place is a business that is trying to make money and they want you to spend as much money as they can bilk out of you.The funeral director we dealt with told us b.s about how we would need alot of death certificates to send to different government offices etc.The reality is most places will take copies so one or two originals should be pleanty.Also when purchasing the casket buy what you can afford and no more.My dad was a career Marine and the funeral director wanted to sell us this patriotic casket with a removable cheesy eagle that the director explained to me I could give to someone.Of course it was considerably more then another casket we had in mind and as I said the eagle ceramic was chessy looking low quality etc,and had no ties to my father whatsoever.The final tacky moment was when the director told me he wanted to set me up with someone who was going to sell me some additional funeral plots because according to the director again you never know??If this sounds cold or calloused I do not necessarily internd for it to. I loved and cared for my dad as much as a son could and I share this with whomever reads this as food for thought and to be forewarned and forearmed,My dad did not like to see anyone get cheated or taken advantage of so I share this to continue to honor him, peace.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so sorry for your loss and what you wnet through with the funeral home. My experience was very positive, thank God. Yes, they are in a business but the good ones understand grief and shock and never try to take advantage. They were very helpful to me. My mom's service was very simple and they even gave me a break on the prce to engrave the headstone. My thoughts and prayers are with you
deleted_user
deleted_user
How terrible , at a time of loss for them to do things like this, when I lost my daddy last June, it was nothing like that at our funeral home. They would show us one casket but tell us that this other one over here that was a good bit less expensive was just as good, things like that. They ought to be ashamed of themselves, treating people like that at a time of grief and loss, I am so sorry you had to go through this. God Bless You!!! Thanks for sharing this because you never know how people will treat you!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Just wanted to add that my mom was in a nursing home and had to have a pre-paid funeral arrangement; it's a law I guess. That made it easier for me as I arranged all the important stuff thre years before she died, and she was cremated...........so they couldn't really sell me anything at the end. Again, I am so sorry for what you went through.....
SJB12
SJB12
Thanks LKim and Nancy for your perspectives.Sad to say perhaps but I think making funeral arrangements is alot like buying a car.Let the buyer beware and most things there are negotiable if you drive a hard bargain. I know it's easier said then done though when you are grieving and funeral places will play on that. Take care and I hope this helps someone.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Funeral parlors are like any other kind of business they do not have the greif we do they only see the business side.
deleted_user
deleted_user
sorry you had to go through that with the funeral home :( and it must be frustrating and hurtful that some people have no care in the world cept for money. I buried my father (military honors as well) last month and the woman i worked with knew my family i suppose and she didnt try anything like that on me. In fact at one point i had to switch caskets and she told me it would be cheaper.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Me and my sister had to attend to the arrangements for my dad's funeral since my mother has Alzheimers. We were fortunate that the funeral house we picked were very professional yet compassionate. They gave us advice and options on everything. It assisted a lot because we had a bit of a cash problem when dad passed away since his funeral policy was worth very little.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i am so sorry for your loss. my dad and mom had talked about what they wanted so mom was pretty set on what she was getting. as for when gavin passed away the same funeral director was very very nice. he told us about the bigger casket but said that the infant one would fit gavin just fine. and he was very upset the day of the funeral when they thought that there was someone at the cemetary buried in my grave. i told him that we could deal that later, just to bury the baby. actually they opened the wrong grave. and yes there are in business to make money. that is why we went direct to the memorial sales instead of buying it thru the funeral home. i will keep you in my prayers. hugs jan
SJB12
SJB12
Thanks to everyone who responded. Your perspectives on my experience was much appreciated.I'm glad that overall your experiences were more positive them mine.
latenightowl
latenightowl
I have to say that the people we asked to organise my partner's funeral were fantastic. The funeral director helped me every step of the way, was a shoulder to cry on, gave me sensible options and helped us to keep the bill down yet provide a beautiful service. I truely think he was an angel sent to help me and my sister (a nurse) agrees. There are some good folk around but this was the UK.... does that make a difference?
deleted_user
deleted_user
When both my parents died my dad in 2006 and my mom in 2007 they both did not have life insurance policies or any type of estates. The funeral homes we used for each one of them were wonderful. We explained our situation and that we could not afford much and they worked with us. Sometimes in situations like this, you just have to be upfront and you dictate what it is you want and need, not them. We decided in our cases to be straight up because we know how the game is played, my parents went throught it 13 years ago when my brother died. I am so sorry for your loss and I am glad you stuck to you principals and did not let that funeral director strong arm you into something you did not want nor thought your father would want.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I guess I was fortunate also to have a good funeral director. I'd never had to do this before and had no idea what needed to be done. He was very helpful and gave me lots of options -no pressure on the casket or anything else. Here in CT a vault is also required and he directed me to a less expensive one.

It really is despicable that people would take advantage at the most horrible time in your life. I'm sorry you went through this.

Sue
deleted_user
deleted_user
when we had to make the arrangemnets for my parents they had already taken care of the cost. They both wanted to be cremated so there was no casket. We had to pay a little extra for the urns because my sister and i had each gotten a small urn of mom's and dad's ashes. We just had to pay the little extra and then the money for the memorial cards.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was recently Dx with pulmonary fibrosis and I have it in my will to have a funeral. But' I've recently decided to go to a funeral home and discuss a prearranged funeral and that should stop any of the problems that you encountered. My life expectancy is 2-5 years so, I'll be ready. I don't want my family to have to gothru the ritual of the stress of picking out a casket and other arrangements. Tom
deleted_user
deleted_user
Our funeral director ASSumed that we didn't have the money for a burial for our baby boy because we opted for cremation. We opted for cremation for personal reasons, but this guy more or less pointed out 3 urns and told us those were the our only choices, I picked the least ugly of the 3 hideous urns and went home and bawled my eyes out over it because I couldn't fathom my baby's final resting place being in such a butt ugly container!!! My sister did some investigating on her own and found a beautiful marble angel urn for our son and bought it. The funeral director got nasty with her because she didn't buy it through him and told her he was "doing us a favor and gave it to us for free because we had no money." My baby was dead for less than 24 hours, truly money wasn't even a concern of mine, I knew if we didn't have it, we'd gte it. This same guy sat there at the funeral home while we were planning my 7 week old baby's funeral telling me how I am young and can have many more babies!