I am so very sorry for your loss.....

Maybe you could lean in to one another rather then trying to do it on your own.... Grief shared can help you to all work through it

Gentle hug.....xo

Hi WPG,

I admire that you are strong for your mom and sister during this passing phase of your father's earth life; he'd want that you should stay focused on the welfare of the family. In the same way, I recall that my husband experienced this with his mom and sister when his dad passed; it's tough to be considered the man of the family at such times! Now is my time, for I have sons that are holding me up in the same way that their father did in the situation with his own mother. So I personally understand how your mother feels safe and secure when you are within the voice range; she needs your strength very much. However, you have an equal right to do what's in your own best interest now and don't feel slow to speak out or never feel shy and hesitate while considering what's best for yourself first. I completely encourage and support my own sons to do what's best for them, and I don't doubt that your family will understand how you feel and think under unusual circumstances.

As for the use of Facebook, like a soundstage for your grief and sorrow, use it as you please to find a release or to vent sad emotions. No harm in that :-) I don't do Facebook because the media is way too complex for my own style of life. But if this way helps you, then great! And I doubt that there is not at least one person at Facebook of which person truly understands what you tell of your pain.

Many read and stay silent on social networks, many often will only decide to read and connect to your conversations through their very own personal experiences, and this type of relating is a thing that's not just with the heartfelt meaning of your own words; but it is that some feel the need to mentally understand what you tell rather than engage in counter-conversations. As with you, many are learning the patterns of their own pain and stay silent by choice until ready to freely share feelings and thoughts with ease, rather than jumbled and confusing phrases. We want to make sense, just that it is a process to get to the right way of expressions. I've learned this just by reading here at this DS support network; people don't necessarily have to agree or find sense in what you tell, because all said is unique to our own private environment, and much is way too personal to match with the imagination of others. Many come back later or slow walk at a relaxed pace until ready to freely open up. It's all okay to do it this way. Share your feeling with comfort. Keep your space, but never doubt that some person really understands the details, no matter how obscure.

I am so sorry for your father's passing and the grief your family endures. He had to be a powerful person to have left such a loving and caring impression in your heart. His love is always nearby you for comfort. Hugs!

Of course you have to be there for your family but I'm learning the hard way if you're crumbling and putting on a "face", showing everyone how strong you are,the person you're hurting the most is yourself. If you need anyone to talk to please don't hesitate to ask

Remiah,
Thank you for such powerful words of support and help. I knew when the day came that I would lose a parent that it was going to be earth shattering, and it truly is. The impact of losing dad hit me more when we visited his grave. Dad was a Vet and is now resting at Florida's Veterans Cemetery. Seeing his name made his passing a reality. Mom cried as did my sister. I wanted to cry with them but instead walked away and cried alone. I feel lost, not sure if crying with them is good or not. I look at the pain and heartache in moms face and it rips me apart. Mom has dementia and I feel as if she's trapped in the moment dad passed. That morning, dad woke mom up so she could help him get to the bathroom. She said that when they went back to bed he held her hand and smiled at her and minutes later he was gong. That is what she is focusing on every day and cannot seem to move past that. I don't know what to do :(

Big hug West...… Grief is hard and it's painful.... It takes time to work through.....

That may sound cliché but it's true.... I have lost both of my parents and really does change you in some ways.....

My mom had Alzheimer's and I know how very painful dementia is....

You don't have to cry alone...…. Your family would expect that your father's death would be really painful for you.... How could it not be

Maybe she's focused on that memory partially because as much as it hurts it was also a precious memory because she was blessed to see the peace in his smile.... That was a wonderful gift for her

Maybe writing your dad a letter and reading it to him could help.... Say in it everything that you need to say

Real life bereavement groups can be good as you help one another through the stages

September wasn't very long ago West and the grief is still new and raw.... Gentle hug.... xo

WPG, it's meaningful to me to chat with you :)

I could thank your father for every hour he spent in service to his country. And for this reason, it's highly personal that you have a great influence over my heart. I appreciate your father's unselfish character, and I feel that the experience of his military life has influenced you to face this time of your life with the same true courage of your father.

I am saddened that your mom has dementia, and she may very well be trapped in the moment of your dad's passing. When my own husband passed, I knew not what I would do or present in behavior; death and grief are highly personal experiences; feelings run high! I still deal with emotional buildup too. And I suppose that your mom is getting the needed professional services important to her needs. I hope so. My best to her; I understand how widely the circumstances have affected your family. I'm so sorry about this.

Please keep those thought-provoking moments and try to extract from the pain. I am happy that others are also helping you to find new light on new ideas to guide you out of the darkness of depression. Grief can be hell. [God be with you]

There is a Caregivers support group on here and also a Caring for Aging Parents group on here... Neither is really busy however they helped me a great deal at one time.... I first came to DS as a Caregiver

I am here as well if you need someone to talk to

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/caregivers

Dementia

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/dementia

I caught this discussion, did not realize there is this group.

I will say this. Thank you for your dad's service. Please know that in being a caregiver for everyone else, you also need to take care of you, and give yourself time to grieve openly in private.

Sorry for the loss of your dad. For your mom, with dementia, it often feels like a record, yet for her, it's as fresh as the moment it happened. She cherishes the smile he gave her. That's a good moment. It may give her comfort to know that he smiled at her.

Grief is life long. It changes, however, it is a part of the fabric of our life.

Cherish those special memories, share them together!

I thank each of you for your beautiful comments. Mom sees a grief counselor 3-4 times a week that is helping her understand not only her pain but how to embrace her grief. My sister and I sit in on these sessions when we can. Mom feels some anger as well because she feels dad didn't say goodbye to her. I tell mom he did just by holding her hand and smiling at her when he could no longer find his words just before he passed. Her dementia is causing her not to fully understand that. I suppose after being with someone for 70 years and married for 67 years her pain has to be greater than ours. Her world has changed and she's stuck in the heartache.

Thanks to you for opening up and sharing your story.

I'm so pleased that you and your sister attend therapy sessions with your mom; this is important to do. And it could possibly be that her thinking is mixed with a widow's fog as well. I had that during a few weeks after my husband passed. It's just that we don't imagine not sharing a life with the most inspirational person in our life. Seems that all is lost and wasted at death, and no person is fully equipped to handle the hardship. Steadily, I hear my husband whispering for me to remember the good times :-) However, I have screamed to him to hurry home many times. I do understand how your mother feels about goodbye. Yet, as my husband has reached out to me from his new world many times, it's more like "see you later!" Death does not negate that there is more of a life to live. Still, it's natural to let doubts control you, and your mom is at the age where it may be very difficult to fight off her thoughts.

I do agree with you that her world has changed and she's stuck in the heartache. My heart aches for her. I know the pain is real. I pray for her.

After dad passed he sent us signs that he was ok. The day after, a beautiful rainbow was over my house with rays of sunlight shining through. Many other signs as well. He's watching over us and mom senses him too but cannot understand the feeling. The other day she removed all of his photos from her condo saying, she just can't look at pictures of him without falling apart. It's a very sad situation, especially in the frame of mind that she's in. Still, we work to help her through. Just so hard.

Never shocks me to read such stories. I sense that your dad was a pleasant optimist, exhilaratingly intelligent, that most people simply adored being around him. In order to make signs through the veil of separation, that place between life and death, one has to have empowered with coming face-to-face with impossibilities: situations totally beyond their ability to fail in character. Your family is filled with spiritual faith. Faith will help you to understand what is happening at present.

This awareness of your father's presence is something you, your mom, and your sister should not attempt to try to evade. And it's not unusual to remove precious things that remind of those we love, especially under the circumstances of pressured grief. I did the same. Yet, in just a matter of a few weeks, all was returned to just as it was before my husband's death, and I did so without the kicking and screaming :-). Fortunately, my sons had warned me that removing memories was not a good idea. They helped me to arrange the items back in place without a huff to annoy me. Just as with you and your sister, we work through day by day to get through.

And your mom may protest to keep a treasured idol of your father's memory in place or view, for now, at least, but don't be surprised if she changes her mind later on. Thing is, the pain impinges on her innermost being, and it is not an absurd feeling to desire to cover or avoid the painful memories. Your dad understands. And it is the closeness of his spirit or soul that terrifies her, as it was for me as well. In time, she may better understand he is only her protector, she need not fear him.

Shortly after posting, I found an old forum that may interest you, if only to just read, every concept of personal grief is addressed herein (I took a few moments to review the site), and there are many helpful resources available.

http://www.thelightbeyond.com/forum/index.php?s=543767cbbefdb35647a8d195c81a0fb8

Oh we welcome the signs with opened arms. I'm more sensitive to it for I am a firm believer that those who pass Can communicate. I sense my grandmother around me all the time, as well as my best friend. I've also see a sudden glimpses of one of my grandfathers now and then, and when I smell burning leaves I know it's him.
Mom is coming along at her own pace and we give her all the time she needs. I'll check out that link. Thank You

WPG, you have strong family roots :-) I am so sorry that your best friend is now passed (I assume this). And I do hope that the link will be of great help. My best to your mom and sister. You each are putting in a great effort to survive. I admire it! Nice chatting with you; it is my pleasure to help. :-)

Thank you again for that link. Great to visit. I had a good week until yesterday. One of my employees and I were talking about never having regrets after a loved one passes. I told her my regret was that I didn't let down my walls completely with dad and showed him more love; a hug, a kiss. She said she has never hugged or kissed her parents even though she loves them very much. As I told her of my regret and that she should do that while they are alive, I lost it. Dad knew I loved him but there were always walls up that never fully came down.