I recently lost my boyfriend too in May. We were together for quite a few years also. We are unsure of what happened to him because the autopsy came back normal. Like you my boyfriend used to call me twice a day always. My story is very similar to yours. I was talking to my boyfriend and then an hour later he was found dead on the floor also.

I'm the same way with dreams and stuff. And I agree that sometimes it feels like time is the enemy but it's starting to get a little bit better.

i lost my husband on sep 9th. his family wasn't speaking to him either, and they really don't like me...i feeel your pain it is just like the stab wounds, unimaginable...

I am so sorry for your loss.
Also sorry your cat is sick, pets are good therapy.
It takes time, there are good days and bad days. I know you want to sleep, but try to get up . Do you like to read?? Can you go for a walk?Go to the library...
Not sure where you live, but here in Wisc. the weather is turning cold. Is dark in the morning, .gets dark earlier at nite. It is hard for me to stay motivated.
But I think it is important to try to stay busy....
Hugs!!
deb

i don't know, or really care, if anyone comments on this -p but i really get the double whammy of your b'friend and your cat. therevrea some things, some lives, some ages, we expect our loved ones to stable during - when that changes, and god seems out of the oicture, it's so so easy to feel all is lost. people will tell you all is not lost - but that really doesn't help much, does it?

i've lost both parents in last 2 years, 2 cats, much more - you just havde to try a way to walk thru each second at a time. time to discard friends who try to rush you along - they want you to feel better so they don't feel uncomfortable watching your pain. so screw 'em. follow your heart - yet, if it leads you down a path of your own self-destruction, i believe you'll know, and that's a good place to pull back from. seek gentle, eschew demans of others that you "feel different".

Thank You all for your replies and I am so sorry for your losses. It is hopeful if you feel a bit better LeAnna. I am so nervous right now. I can't sleep or eat still.
You understand about the family problem, Erika. It is hard enough to deal with this loss without his family being nasty but I was not too surprised. At first they seemed nice and then they turned.

Deb, I did read and find it hard now. I am afraid to walk, afraid of the outdoors. I want to keep busy and am trying and also trying to get a job. I just send out resumes. It is hard to keep busy with interrupted sleep and not eating well.
LunaCat, you do understand about the double wammy. Although my cat's illness motivated me to help him and he is better, at the same time it has made me nervous about what else bad will happen next. Will Sebastian stay well or will he relapse. They didn't know what was wrong. Will it come back. Will my other cats get sick. When will the other shoe drop?

One thing is you have all helped me feel better and it warmed my heart to see your responses in my email and I thank you from the bottom of my broken heart. QP

It will get easier, I promise. I lost my soulmate of 34 yrs. 2 yrs. ago. Those first months, first year were soo difficult. I like you, was so afraid of WHAT was going to happen next, who was I going to loose. I had my will drawn up, etc. as I thought it could be ME... I joined this site, I joined a grief support group which was very comforting. It truly helps to be with others whom understand, you will find that others care, but they have NO idea what we are going thru.. I couldn't go into stores, etc, I would get so upset. I read every grief book I could get my hands on, and realized that all my feelings were NORMAL, although I felt anything but normal... Grief is hard, exhausting, work. you have to try and take care of yourself physically, because it is truly emotionally draining. I would see posts here, but I would think I will never be able to do that again,... It dioes happen.. There will come that day when you will smile at the beautiful memories that you did have. I know you don't feel that way at ALL right now, but trust me, it will get easier, we are forever changed, but we learn how to cope. Just take each day, be patient with yourself, and even though it is 2 yrs. for me, I STILL have those down days, I know now to just go with them, and do the best that I possibly can... My thoughts and prayers to you and I am so sorry for your loss. Here for you... Hugs,

Alicea,

I am sorry I did not reply. To be honest I don't remember if I read your post and wanted to reply or missed it while reading other posts. My mind is forever in a fog. I am so sorry for your loss too. 34 years is a lot. You say it is a bit better and you learn to cope but it seems so long that you have suffered and are still sad sometimes. I am reading up on grief, have joined a support group and am trying to cope but the worst of it all is the fear and the anxiety. I am so nervous about everything. My financial situation is not good too and to have this happen on top of it all and then the cat getting sick. Like you, I wonder what is next. I can't see it ever getting better and my friends are having problems of their own which leads me to believe life is one big tragedy, but nothing is as bad as losing my soulmate. It seems impossible to go on and I am trying but I still cannot believe it but then again I do since I have had so many bad things happen to me my entire life. Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers and I will say a prayer for you too for giving me a bit of hope. QP

I lost my fiance' suddenly and unexpectedly to cardiac arrest on September 5. I was with him until 10pm the night before. He called me on his way home to tell me he loved me. When I didn't hear from him the next morning I was annoyed and a little worried. That late afternoon I got a call from the emergency room telling me that he had had "an event." I had no idea what that meant. I thought they were calling me to tell me that he was sick, that I should come in. The doctor said, He didn't make it. I was in total shock and denial, thought if I could just get to the hospital that I could "save" him. Instead, I had to identify his body. This is all very traumatic--the suddenness, the way we find out, etc., so it's not unusual that someone could have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). That would explain being scared of what is going to happen next.

Like you, his family was nice to me at first, and then turned. They transported his body several states away and gave him the kind of funeral he would have hated. They raided our condo, taking his laptop, pictures, and emptying his desk. They refused to acknowledge me in the obituary. Then they contested his will. Hateful behavior which I don't understand--I was their loved one's biggest fan and best friend.

Anyway, I'm coming up on my two month anniversary this week-end. I can only take one day at a time. Grief hits me in waves, and sometimes knocks me down. Sometimes I'm surprised at how well I function. I have trouble sleeping, tortured by painful thoughts. I feel like no one close to me has any idea how I feel, what this feels like, to have your whole world taken away from you in a matter of minutes. We had so many plans. Now I have to start over and can't imagine where to begin.

Sorry for going on for so long. I'm sorry for your pain and thanks for sharing your feelings. It has helped me. I wish you peace--eventually. Just keep reaching out. It helps!

I have alot of dreams too...its like you cant escape

loveandgrace,
Your story sounds so similar to mine and LeAnna and others. I also was a bit annoyed when my boyfriend didn't call but figured he was busy. His family is a nightmare on top of it and then my cat is a worry. I just passed the 2 month anniversary and I wish I could say I was better. I am not in shock and catatonic like I was at first so maybe that is an improvement but I feel bad every day. People say I am doing well but I think that is because they don't want to deal with someone in pain. After all they aren't. I have to start over too like you and I am all alone. Sure I have friends and my family is far but he was everything to me and my source of comfort in times of need. We had so many plans too and now I will never do them again. And when you did everything with someone, everything reminds you of them.

You didn't go on long. You said it all and it was as if I wrote it myself. I wish you peace too and jennac and everyone who posted. I wish you peaceful dreams. Sometimes that is the only time I feel better in my sleep. I am reaching out and Thank God for everyone here. I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

QP