Bereavement Support Group

Are you grieving the loss of a loved one? Whether you lost someone recently or it's been years, grief and its accompanying emotions can be complicated to cope with. Join our online support group to connect with a supportive group of people who really know how you feel. Help is right here.

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vader 04/02/2011

I am writing this column and will come across as a man hating woman.But i have notice in all of my years of working that men do and act in bereavement differently and I want to know why.I want to know why men do not cry and pretend to be strong during this time.I want to know why they do not show any emotions.There was a man in work whose mother died and was sick for quite some time.He didnt show up for work in a week and when he returned did not even thanks us for sending the flowers.In fact when we asked him how he was he would walk away! Why? Not all mothers are not perfect.Some are horrible,like mine was.But she tried and was my mother.When she was sober,she was good to me,but my mother loved her boys like all Italian mothers.The boys in an Italian home are worshipped and the girls are cast aside and virtually ignored.I had goals and dreams aso.Every mother wants marriage for their daughters,But we live in an age where people are not getting married and that includes some people today who do not view as important as it was 20 years ago.Men need marriage and in some cases they florish when they do.But men have it easy in marriage.It is the man who wants to get married.It is the man.But men do not grieve like women do.They do not cry and some of them do not even mourn for one year.Has any one noticed this? I tried to make conversation with this man.I felt so
sorry for him and was told to mind my own business and leave him alone.Why? Why couldnt he reach out to me and others? Isnt there anyone who lost their mom recently that feels sad? Isnt there anyone who came into work crying and left home to be alone? Why cant the employers and others let all men grieve? Vader.

deleted_user 04/05/2011

I HAVE TO USE ALL CAPS BECAUSE I HAVE DIABETIC NUEROPHY IN MY HANDS.

deleted_user 04/05/2011

I have diabetes also.

May I ask what the difference is for your hands in hitting the correct keys when a cap is needed. Is it less painful to type in all caps versus just hitting for a cap key when needed? I honeslty do not know.

Mouse8844 04/05/2011

no neither do i
it is just the same when you type isn't it
caps lock or no caps lock,it is just one less button to press i would have thought

Mouse8844 04/05/2011

on the subject of men and grieving my brother was hit pretty hard when we lost our last parent and he is having more trouble than me coping with it,especially as he is on his own
Just because men don't show it doesn't mean their grief is any less.

deleted_user 04/06/2011

i can use all caps or all lower case at a time. if i try to use both cases at a time my left had which stays numb and then always have to hit the caps button my left had will become very painful. it is called diabetic neuorphy. for this site i will use all lower case.

vader 04/07/2011

to all who replied thank you.I am sorry that I havent gotten in touch sooner but my computer died and i am using a public one.Thanks for all your replies again.I am starting a job today as The Easter Bunny for the Nortgate Mall i n seattle ande will be out of commision for two weeks.Have happy holidays.Vader.

Oluwa 04/07/2011

John 11:35 Jesus wept.

deleted_user 04/07/2011

oluwa. i agree

Daninmn 04/07/2011

I think there are more men out there that show thier emotions than you think. I have two sons and the oldest does not show his feelings in public, but his younger brother does.
I have always showed my emotions and tried to teach my children that it is not a sign of weakness for a man to cry even in front of others.

deleted_user 04/07/2011

daninme

i agree

mamie1890 04/07/2011

I find that men tend to retreat or withdraw or just get busy.
It's frustrating...I am a believer that we all grieve differently but I think that often men hold back on showing and communicating their emotions.
I lost three dear loved ones within the past couple of years (both parents). My husband has been withdrawn. It's frustrating because when I need him most he is pulling away.
He was close to my parents and is grieving too, but I get really upset about his just going into his own shell about it.
He just won't talk about it and isn't as supportive as I wish he would be.
I am also a bit envious that his parents are both still alive but he doesn't pay much attention to them.

Mouse8844 04/07/2011

I realise it is hard Mamie for you not to get the support you need from your hubby.I was in a similar situation with my hubby who does not see his parents at all. I do understand however we can't make them what they are not and I just look for support elsewhere. I presume you have tried telling him how you feel and he is still shutoff?

ter1 04/07/2011

My husband cried so very hard over the loss of our son and continues to. We have been cradling each other as the tears stream down. My older son has cried every day over the loss of his brother. Men do cry.

deleted_user 04/11/2011

My boyfriend has recently lost his gran and I haven't seen him since, I can see that he wants his space and as much as I want to support him, I feel that he doesn't want to be around me at this time. So I have to give him that space.
I lost my mother just over 2 years ago, so I keep reminding myself that grieving is different for everyone. I just have to wait for him.

vader 04/12/2011

to all I am sorry that I havent been able to reply individually but i have been working at a job in the mall.I am the Easter Bunny so remember i like your opinions on this and men please cry if you want to feel better and remember grief is normal.vader.

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