TWO VERSES FIRST.

1Th 4:13 But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope.
1Th 4:14 For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him.

Mat 19:5 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

IN THE FIRST TWO VERSES WE ARE NOT TOLD NOT TO GRIEVE BUT WE ARE NOT TO GRIEVE LIKE OTHERS DO BECAUSE THEY HAVE NO HOPE OF SEEING THAT PERSON AGAIN.

WE WILL STILL GRIEVE BUT WE KNOW WE WILL SEE OUR LOVED ONES AGAIN.

LAST VERSE TELLS US THAT A MAN WILL LEAVE (EMOTIONALY) HIS FATHER AND MOTHER. BUT IT DOES NOT SAY THAT A WOMEN WILL LEAVE (EMOTIONLY) FROM HER PARENTS.

MEN ARE NOT ATTACHED TO THEIR PARENTS AS ARE WOMEN.

EVERYONE GRIEVES IN A DIFFERENT WAY.

WHEN I LOST MY SON AND GRANDSON I CRIED LIKE A BABY FOR ALMOST A YEAR. I DID NOT CARE WHAT ANYONE THOUGHT. IN FACT I CRIED HARDER AND LONGER THAN HIS MOTHER. I WAS NOT ASHAMED.

WE KNOW THAT OUR PARENTS SHOULD DIE BEFORE WE DO. BUT WE ARE NOT PROGRAMMED TO ACCEPT THE DEATH OF A CHILD OR GRANDCHILD.

I STILL GRIEVE TO THIS DAY OVER MY SON AND SOMEWHAT FOR MY GRANDSON.

I DI NOT OUTWARDLY GRIEVE WHEN MY MOM AND DAD DIED BECAUSE I KNEW I WOULD SEE THEM AGAIN.

HOPE THIS HELPS.

ROGER YOUR FRIEND

Please see this:
http://www.ext.colostate.edu/pubs/columncc/cc061113.html

I think a lot of men have a hard time expressing their feelings. Most boys are brought up to be strong and don't cry etc. It doesn't mean he didn't love his mother.One thing I have noticed about men is it seems that they start dating soon after their spouses die. I know that this was his mother that died but the spouse thing is just another observation I've made.

Gen 2:18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him."

I will only speak for myself as a mon why I don't or can not cry and have a hard time showing my emotions. Most men are taught to be strong and crying is a weekness and this in in a normal house hold. Now listen carefully and when you see this man again have more compasion which women are able usually able to do. I was abandoned as a young child as well as my little sister by our Mother. My Father got custody of me and my sister but he was remarried at the time and his new wife was not willing to take both of us he was pregnant and had a child from another man before getting married to my father. A long story short-- I was abused so very bad by my father and my step mother. They got rid of my sister and I did not see her again until I was 16 and ran away from the abuse. While growing up with my so called Father he beat me till I cried and then told me men don't cry and beat me till I learned how not to cry, I found my blood sister and she died in06 at age 40 from cancer and I wanted to cry so badly that when one tear entered my eye all that abuse came back and it shut off and I was even more sad that I could not mourn my sister because of what my FATHER AND STEP MOther did to me. So please understand that men are told most time they HAVE to be tough and show no weekness and if that was beat into you it is not my FAULT that I can not cry!!!! I am a very loving Father and Husband with 8 kids. God is the only reason I don't hate every one!! I forgave but I can not forget!!! I hope this helped you alittle???? David.

I think there ARE men who can show emotion but they are few and far between. What the men who have answered you said seems to fit the pattern of my experience. Many men either can not find their emotions or were taught to ignore or deny their feelings. My husband has told me that he was taught BY HIS MOTHER that boys don't cry and if he did she'd say "stop that or I'll give you something to cry about." She was not the warmest woman on the planet, but still somehow managed to raise 4 loving sons who've been good husbands and fathers.

I do think, however, that you need to realize that besides the fact that everyone grieves differently, we also all have different kinds of relationships with our parents, and that affects how we will grieve for them. Perhaps the man you work with wasn't close at all with his mother. That may not seem possible to you because you came from an Italian home where, no matter what, blood is thicker than water, and you learn to love your parents and all your relatives because that is the way it is. But not all families are so close. But that also doesn't mean he didn't feel some guilt for feeling estranged...so having you come up and start trying to talk to him about a situation he'd rather just forget--is like pushing his buttons--even though you meant well. You did nothing wrong. Maybe neither did he. There's a lot of latitude in grief. Maybe someday, in a year or two, he'll explain. For now, let it go.

Really I am a bit shocked at your post.
This is a support group and you would think that everyone would understand that people grieve in their own way.
This poor man does not have to let you in to his life. you don't know how he is when he goes home. No one can ,make presumptions of how someone else feels.
And maybe some men do not show their emotions to everyone and neither should they have to

I am also sick of that person quoting scripture passages out of context.(mtneer) I also disagree totally as a christian that we do not need to grieve as we will see eachother in heaven. It is a very natural process to grieve.If you don't it can cause many problems.It is i s totally irresponsible to say that we shouldn't.

I am sure that passage he refers to does not include men getting married for the 2nd 3rd or 4th time.

And yes it is a trend i see also .Some men do not seem to be able to live alone yet others are single for a very long time like my brother>So how really can we say they are all the same.

Let everyone else be.We all have our own unique way of coping with grief and all other adversities. WE should not tell people how or when to grieve or for how long

MOUSE8844,

I SUGGEST YOU READ AGAIN MY POST HAS YOU WILL FIND YOU AND I AGREE ON THESE QUESTIONS.

I AM A LITTLE CONFUSED BY YOUR TWO POSTS. I DO SAY THAT EVERYONE GRIEVES IN THERE OWN WAY.

I ALSO GAVE MY PERSONAL STORY OF A MAN GRIEVING.

IN V.13 WE ARE TOLD NOT TO SORROW (GRIEVE) AS OTHERS WHO HAVE NO HOPE. THIS VERSE TELLS US WE HAVE SORROW BUT NO LIKE THE OTHERS WHO HAVE NO HOPE OF EVER SEEING THER LOVED ONE AGAIN. WE GRIEVE BUT WE KNOW WE WIL SEE OUR LOVES ONES AGAIN. DID NOT JESUS WEPT (SORROW) OVER THE DEATH OF LAZARUS.

FOR THE REST I AM JUST QUOTING SCRIPTURE IN CONTEXT.

HOPE THIS HELPS

VADER IS A WOMAN AND MY FRIEND.

When my father died my brother cried like a baby till the funeral , when My partner died as I was young he too cried.
I cried yesterday for my partner and my dad. I rang my brother and he said he still has he had his moments.
Life does not prepare us for the sudden shock of death when it happenes and everybody grives differently we are all humans and we all go through the same emotions, some differently some the same. Women are so much more emotional than most men and life except women to be emotional life does not except men to be emotional which is a sad thing

I just lost my mother on February 17, 2011 and Saturday the 9th it will be seventeen months since I lost the love of my life who I was married to for thirty years. I can't count the number of times I cried at work the past eighteen months they are just too many. Most of the time I can find a hiding spot until the grief wave subsides but sometimes not, but when I go home I am alone. The only way I can say I need marriage is if it's with the woman I hold in my heart, but she's gone and I don't know if it's possible to love someone else. Some men re-marry after a matter of a few months, I don't understand that, I guess people are different regardless of their gender.

Mother was quite a problem and it seems like there were no solutions to the problems she would create only a lot of frustration. The day the nursing home called and told me they were taking her to the hospital with pneumonia all I could do was cry. I had a hard time talking to the doctor as the whole situation reminded me of when my wife was taken to the same hospital. At that point we thought my wife had pneumonia but it turned out to be cancer. Mother was in the hospital for about two weeks, that time wasn't as painful as when my wife was in the hospital but it brought back a lot of memories and the grief waves were frequent and difficult.

So far mother's death hasn't been as painful as my father's or mother-in-law's and certainly nothing like losing the love of my life. It's been more of a new beginning but I can't figure what it's the beginning of, I can't seem to start over. Remember anger is a symptom of grief and who better to be angry at then your co-workers. Just a possible answer for his behavior, but it was good you reached out to him, I'm sure he appreciated it even though he didn't show it.

I don't want to sound like I'm ranting, I just wanted you to know my feelings and let you know all people don't fit into boxes whether they be boxes based on gender, race or anything else we have no control over. When you said "Men have it easy in marriage", I truly believe with all my heart the special relationship I had with my wife we both had it as easy as it gets equally. I pray you and your co-worker find peace.

Hugs,
Ron

"men are not as attached to their parents as women are"

WOW!!!

Any facts (not biblical quotes) to back up that statement?

Vader: I do not think you come across as someone who is a man hater.

I do think you still need to understand the grief process and that not all grieve acording to the rules of others. You can not control or dictate the grief of others.

The man you mention is a coworker and he may not choose to become emotional with other coworkers. I am a woman..and when Frank died i did not return to work wanting to cry in front of others. Gender has nothing to do with it. Those at work I was close with had been over to visit and to the funeral and they had shared in my grief then.

I also did not personally thank everyone the day of returning to work for flowers....that would have left me an emotional wreck. I don;lt expect other coworkers to thank me personally. It is a gesture of compassion and love and not one I expect a personal verbal thank for when thery return to work. I sent a lovely handwritten Thank You to the company in general which was available for all to read.

MtNer"

FYI: Typing in all caps (capital letters) when on the computer means you are screaming.

There is no need to scream at people on here. it's also harder to read. Please use regular caps for civility, readability, and to send a message of not being angry in the writing.