I hear you my dear. I'm in the same predicament too. People expect us to have moved past the loss, but I know I will never, ever move on. I'm so depressed, thisd morning I felt like my whole world is caving in under me. I don't sleep, which is the opposite of you. I survive on 2-3 hours of sleep or less. I do have a three year old, and she's probably yhe only reason why am still alive. I take care of the house, always doing chores, buying lots of decorative stuff for the house. My daughter is very well cared for, but as far as taking care of myself, forget it. I could care less if I brush my hair before going to work, or if I eat right. I know I need help but I've not made any effort to get the help. Most of the time, I'll have a list of things I want to do over the weekend, or on my day off, then come Monday, the list is untouched. I'm always tired, but can't ever seem to sleep. I have no drive, I just want to be left alone. So yes, its been one year since mom died and more than two years since my brother died, but I'm still in so much pain. I also don't have support from anyone since no one I know understands depression. My fiance does not help the situation either. Thats a whole other story.

On and off, yes.

It does help to work and exercise. When the work isn't there, and I'm bored with exercise, yes, depression still sets in. When that happens, I "give" myself some SMALL project to do.

You DO work hard, so no shame in neglecting the housework! Instead of becoming overwhelmed thinking about the whole house-cleaning project, maybe just "give" yourself one small task each day, a task that you feel is easily doable. Before long, the whole big, complex task will be done!

Only thing that motivates me is exercise.

I can understand not being motivated but believe it or not I just scrubbed the kitchen floor only because it was so filthy dirty I had to. After my fiance Stephen died I was catatonic on the couch for 3 weeks and then my cat Sebastian got really sick. I didn't need another tragedy to wake me up from a tragedy but the day my cat came home from the hospital I cleaned the entire house in case the dirty house was what made him sick. I do agree with Koolman that a small project is easier to tackle insread of worrying about it all. I am at the stage now where I sleep too much but I love it. I wish I could sleep 24 hours a day. I was in the no sleep phase like you kanyoni and that was so hard. We are all different but I know I would go mad if I couldn't sleep. Maybe you can ask your doctor for help with that. Sleep helps me but like you said the drive is not there to go for the help. I used to exercise a lot but I am lacking the motivation ever since my loss. So it is a catch 22. I need the exercise to motivate me but I need the motivation to exercise

QP

I have been through this, infact it almost ruined my life. My situation was a bit different, but I know what you are talking about. I was always sad, lacked motivation, and I had no energy. I even had some unpleasant people in my life because of it. When it really got me down, it would drain me both physically and emotionally. I relied on God to carry me through that pont in my life and He did. I still suffer from depression and even anxiety, but it is not quite as bad as it was.

My depression and zero motivation put me in rehab. 15 months now, this home she kept cleaner than a hosptial looks like a hurricane came through. Had to sale my successful business and after 12 months, had to take a part time job. There is NO SHAME IN DEPRESSION!!!!

I am sorry to hear about how badly you and others feel. [hugs]

People look at you puzzled or they start the "how to help you finish your grief" talk...go do this go do that think this think that or go to a grief group, and/or snap out of it. Yes, I've seen the doctor, blah blah blah.

I do go to work, do house chores and take care of kitty. But I am very sad, I constantly forget things, barely know where things are and lose things all the time. Lately I've been grumpy and I still cry when no one is looking.

I can't stand where I am at now. The last few months have been sheer hell, first discovering his cancer on New Years & the treatments, then his death 5 months ago. There have been many other things like some health problems involving intense pain, and the sudden death of my best friend.

I love my kids and grandkids and couldn't do to them what I think about daily and that's leaving this life. I wouldn't put them through this, don't wish it on anyone.

Hope this passes, have no solutions for myself or anyone. Just want to say, you're not alone....