Bereavement Support Group
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I haven't written anything on dailystrenght in a very long time.. I started on here because my mom was bipolar and i was basically raising her and my little sister. But thats all past now, i joined the army right after high school a year ago. I've been doing so well for myself and was working so hard to fix my relationship with my mother.... and then she died 3 months and 19 days ago.
It rocked the foundation of my life like i never thought anything could. I've tried over and over to describe to explain to people what its like. thinking about it takes my breath away and the pain is so deep and massive... i don't know what to do with it, or where to put it. i remember some things with so much clarity it makes me sick. like my dad calling me to tell me what happened. inviting people to her funeral. picking out the grave site. I"m 19 years old and i was the next of kin. I still cant believe that I planed my mothers funeral before i ever got to plan my wedding.
My mom's never going to meet my boyfriend. we're getting married next year in april, and she'll never have met him. she wont see my future children. she wont go to my little sisters high school graduation.
the funeral was a day after my sisters birthday, i remember that to.
and the worst part is, no one can tell me why. the autopsy was inconclusive. She was 41 years old and she died in her sleep... It's to much to process.
you arnt supposed to beak down in the army. I started crying randomly in front of my sergeant. I'm so good at holding myself together but the army is a 24 hours a day kind of thing. And no one can pull themselves together that good
writing helps i guess
It rocked the foundation of my life like i never thought anything could. I've tried over and over to describe to explain to people what its like. thinking about it takes my breath away and the pain is so deep and massive... i don't know what to do with it, or where to put it. i remember some things with so much clarity it makes me sick. like my dad calling me to tell me what happened. inviting people to her funeral. picking out the grave site. I"m 19 years old and i was the next of kin. I still cant believe that I planed my mothers funeral before i ever got to plan my wedding.
My mom's never going to meet my boyfriend. we're getting married next year in april, and she'll never have met him. she wont see my future children. she wont go to my little sisters high school graduation.
the funeral was a day after my sisters birthday, i remember that to.
and the worst part is, no one can tell me why. the autopsy was inconclusive. She was 41 years old and she died in her sleep... It's to much to process.
you arnt supposed to beak down in the army. I started crying randomly in front of my sergeant. I'm so good at holding myself together but the army is a 24 hours a day kind of thing. And no one can pull themselves together that good
writing helps i guess
DaddysGirl876
Oh sweetie! I am so sorry you are going through this! I have no words of wisdom for you as I am stuggling myself, but do offer understanding and compassion!
deleted_user
Losing anyone we cared for and loved is always painful. You are young and have a full life ahead of you. Please get a trustful professional to help you. You have made huge decisions for a young lady ,joining the army , and getting married in April. I do not know you but I think they are not an answer to your sorrow . Avoid counting the days passed and consider the years forward.
deleted_user
The military can be tough. At the same time you are only human. Never get down on yourself for having feelings. Death is hard to process especially when we do not expect it. Keep your mother's memories alive. Stay strong! Take care of you!
BRIDGET1970
It's sounds like you being in the military is not allowing you to take time to grieve for your mom. I guess being in the military, they expect you to not only be strong physically but psychologically as well too. Try to allow yourself time to just let out the tears when you can, even when you have a few private moments to yourself - even if that mean going into the bathroom to shed a few tears. Yes, you certainly have had a lot on your plate for such a young woman. I too know what it's like to have unanswered questions as to why your mom passed on. I have had to deal with that myself and why my dad passed away when he was getting to go out for his afternoon run. This is going to be a struggle for you - it is for all of us. Hugs to you from L.A. And, thank you for your service and what you are doing for our country. Any parent would be proud to have a daughter like you.
barbarame
Oh my sweetie! I too lost my mom when she was 44 years old, and have tried to live the life she will be proud to see - because she still is with me, of that I am sure. Don't try to be "strong" grief must be worked through to allow you to heal to the point where you can live again yourself. You will never stop missing her, but you do reach a point when you can think of the lovely memories without breaking down. I found the thing that helped me most was trying to help others walk along this road where I could. Often when I speak, it is myself who hears the words. My love to you, and peace be with you
ThnkngOutLoud
Hang in there sweetie and know that your mom won't miss anything that goes on in your life - she will be with you forever, in a new celestial way. I know it is rough. My mom will have been dead 2 months next week. We were (ARE) very close. I can't believe she is gone..My life is upside down...and I am 47. I had the responsibility of planning my dads funeral at the age of 27 and did the same for my mom at 47, It is a huge thing for everyone...but us daughters who were close to our mom's have it extra hard. Having a wonderful relationship with our mom's is a gift..one I wouldn't trade even for all the pain that I am experiencing now. Think about how much she loves you and know that now, she can love you more, protect you more and watch out for you and your loved ones from another vantage point. I send you my love and deepest condolences.
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