Since she has had times when she has used her diaper suddenly, does she want to take the chance of being embarrassed during the graduation ceremony? I would think she would want to be protected, and people are just NOT that observant that others are wearing a diaper, unless it's totally uncovered.

Is part of the problem that her younger sister doesn't wear a diaper on those occasions?

Give her a goal to work towards. 30 days completely dry and she doesn't have to wear a diaper. Otherwise, you get to pick.

That way she has an explanation.

Still having problems getting her to wear the diapers. Yes, she would rather have an embarrassing and humiliating accident over having to wear a diaper. She is in denial of the risk of her having an accident wetting herself, which is actually quite high still. The fact that her younger siblings being dry now during the daytime thus not requiring wearing anything for accidents. Emily is often the only one in a diaper, while my younger daughter is in them for bedtime only.
I would love to try the reward system with her but would hate to get her hopes up if and when she fails at it. We do, both my husband and I do celebrate her staying dry all day when she can manage that. Not that we go out and buy her a gift but we heap on the praise. I'm against the idea of offering more just because I do know and understand her wetting is not her fault in any way and beyond her control. msuspartax, That idea might be worth a try.
Thanks all for the ideas and help.
Stacy

Hi Stacy
Firstly have you an Emily been to see your doctor as maybe there is an underlying problem that needs addressing? That said there are many children of her age whose bladder control just seems to take longer to mature. I had Bedwetting issues into my teens and then was dry until my mid twenties when I suffered a spinal injury which changed that for good. Predominantly bedwetting but as time has gone on it has become more persistent at times 24/7. As an adult it is easier for me as I just take the view that it is better to be safe than sorry! So I will always wear protection - TENA slip diaper/nappy - if I am on long journeys, out to dinner, going to the cinema or any other extended period when the risk is not worth taking.
Easy for me to say as it must be much harder if you are just 10. May be praising her for being grown up enough to wear protection to be on the safe side might work. If she wets then praise her for being so sensible as no harm is done and if she is dry then again praise her as things are going in the right direction and respect her for wearing protection. You also say that accidents can be pretty big and pretty messy so are they confined to just wetting or does Emily have bowel issues too?
In the UK there is an organisation called ERIC which offers advice and support for children and parents so it may be worth going online and seeing what they can advise.
Hope this helps a bit.
Best wishes
Anthony

Hello Anthony,
Thank you for your response. To answer your first question, yes, Emily has to been to a few doctors already, incl a urinary specialist. Nothing abnormal is wrong or has been been discovered other than an underdeveloped bladder muscle system. Or at least that's what I've been told, mostly it's a "We can't find anything wrong" type of diagnosis. For her, yes it a big issue and big problem. She obviously doesn't want to wear a diaper. As being the oldest of our children and the one still in them frequently, she has no interest in being in them. I can understand that part of it. I and my husband too have tried many times to reason with her over it. Pleading with her that at the very least, she'll avoid any embarrassing situations when she next wet's her pants to she'll feel more comfortable AFTER an accident if she's in a diaper. Of course, she's in denial of the frequency of her accidents(can be multiple times per day some days) to she'd rather risk the embarrassment of wetting herself and it being seen, obviously wet clothing is a dead give away. Another reason my husband and I do require her to be in a diaper is also that as she is my child, I have a responsibility to care for her to make sure she is adequately protected against wetting accidents. What I man by that is that I feel the responsibility to protect others from her wetting accidents, ie. she wets on someones elses furniture, car, out in public etc. I and my husband feel it would be irresponsible of us as her parent if she were to go unprotected and suffers an accident. Thus our reasoning for the diapers.
Emily doesn't suffer bowl control issues on a regular basis but she has more than what I would call an occasional accident. Especially if she's ill or sick, she can have a tendency to lose bowl control too. I've discovered too that if she's in a diaper and out in public, she'll mess in her diaper(soil) it just to avoid going to a public bathroom and risk having her diaper either exposed or noticed. for this she is scolded as it's not a genuine accident but she'll do it on occasion as much as you would think she would be more uncomfortable soiling a diaper or embarrassed by soiling it. This also leads to frequent bouts of constipation as if we are all out for the day and she is diapered, she'll hold in any bowl movement for as long as she can.
We have and still do offer a lot of praise , especially being "grown up' and doing the right thing by being cooperative and allowing us to either diaper her or her keeping it on. That we do on a regular basis. We also do not scold at all in any manner for ANY accidents other than an intentional bowl movement. As a trade off, she's been told and is told to this day,a long as she is in a diaper, she is free to use them for any urination, even intentional. We won't hold any wettings against her as long as she is in a diaper. We still put her and allow her to be in panties but only around the house(to give encouragement) but once she wet's them, it's right back to a diaper ( as a reinforcement to prove our point that she obviously needs them still) It's never done though as punishment but she clearly knows the rules. we don't scold her for it but tell her that she had her chance for the day or time in panties but needs a diaper on after the accident. Whether this is the right thing to do with her, I do not know but I feel better for at least giving her the opportunity to prove herself.
I think it is great that you have decided that protection is needed in your situation and hand it to you for realizing that. Obviously your older and more mature so helps but am happy for you that you do not let bladder incontinence ruin your day or daily life.
I will definitely check out that organization you mentioned. I'm in the USA but I'll still check it out. Thank you for your support and well wishes.
:) Stacy

hi im tina im 12 and i haw same problem

I have somewhat the same problem as you, especially with my eldest daughter. I have to stay firm and tell her that she wear the diaper for a reason. If she is diapered in the daytime, I try to help her with clothes that hide the diaper.

Hello Tina,
Aww I am sorry that you have the same problem as my daughter too. She hand;es it as best as she can but like you, she isn't happy that she is still having daytime issues with holding it in and having accidents.

I hope you do not take your problem personally. It is NOT your fault that accidents happen. It's just a natural part of growing up, some kids are different but equally the same in everything else.

Hello pernilla,

Nice to meet you! Sorry to hear about the problems you have with your daughters in diapers still. I too help my daughter with clothing options to help keep her diaper hidden away from prying eyes. I tell her all the time that there is a real reason why she has to wear a day time diaper, they are still needed for her which she has to unfortunately accept them. It's not always easy convincing your child they still need to wear a diaper, especially older ones. We've had our up's and downs over it plenty of times.

Hi Sstacy. Nice to meet you too. No, convincing isn't easy. Sometimes you just have to make decisions for children. What kind of diapers are you using? We have a brand called Tena.

Hi Phernilla,
Glad to have met you too.

We are using Tranquility ATN's on my oldest. I do, so does my husband too, at times have to put our foot down and make decisions for her too. It comes with the territory.

Hi,

Diapers are always used for a good reason and they are designed to help people of all ages when they have accidents.
It sounds like you are doing a great job as a mom!

All the best,
Hugs
Katie

Thank you for the compliment momkate! It is greatly appreciated!!
All the best to you too,
Hugs
Stacy

Does the school help her with cleanup? I had a few teachers who would only let us use the bathroom on THEIR schedule. When I was in 2nd grade I was wetting my pants at school at least a couple times a week and I had to just sit in it til time to go home. My mom finally got fed up with the teacher. I had tests done and came back armed with a note from the Dr. saying when I say I have to go I must go. I had occasional daytime accidents until I was about 12. I had to be reminded to use the toilet.