I wish I had the answer too, I'm in the same boat. I'm fighting with disability going on my second year now. I know I'll probably never work again. I can't even take care of things at home some of the time and driving anywhere is murder on my back. I too feel like a failure and like I'm letting my family down. I always worked harder than I had to and was never lazy and my health issues have made me feel useless and used up. I'm only 44, I didn't plan this, I sure as hell didn't want this. I read your post and it looks like something I could have wrote. I'm sorry I don't have the magic answer for you, I really wish I did. If you find it first let me know. Just know that your not alone on this one.

I am dealing with that for now waiting for a possible hearing from my injury almost 4 years ago that was managed by w.comp. It's very hard to deal with, but the pain a year ago was even more unbearable. Thank God for some relief from acupuncture. I am 31 and have 3 kids so it has been a battle trying to get work after being out for a year. Some days are worse than others. I pray daily God will work this out, as it has been tough in every area of life, the laying down for 5 days after doing what was pretty typical work in my past. I read the Psalms, Job, gospels and Bible almost daily to deal with the losses. It's nice to have other people who have similar issues as well. It is a very frustrating issue for me and my family.

Hi ~ Do you suppose it's time to accept what has happened and file for SSDisability?? That will at least get some money coming in - and you won't have to just sit around if you don't want to, but you can if you NEED to. When I was 44, I had to stop working due to my spinal problems. I just plain couldn't do it anymore. Sure, it hit me like a ton of bricks cause I loved my job -- I was an Optician and loved working with patients, and helping them to see every day.

But there comes a time when you have to face reality - ya just can't take it anymore! There is NO shame in that -- I don't care WHAT your wife says!! I imagine you've worked since you were young - and now it's time to get some of that money back that you PAID INTO the fund for. So start the ball rolling because it's going to take quite awhile to get approved anyway -- you'll probably be denied the first time - and after your first denial you can hire an attorney on contingency. You don't pay him until you win, and he takes his pay from your back wages (no more than 25%).

You're not lazy, you're not a bum, you just plain HURT like the rest of us. Why not tell your wife to read some of these forums and maybe she'll change her tune! God bless you, and please take care. Hugs, Lee

I feel for you. I have been dealing with much the same for the past 14 years. I will never be able to work again. I am only 43. When I think I have a handle on it, depression sneaks its way back in. I do feel like a failure at times, and I hate that my husband has to do everything workwise and around the house. I have to give myself a little pep talk from time to time. It could be worse. I can still walk a bit. I still wake up in the morning. I am still alive.

You take it day by day. Talk with people who understand how you feel. Find some thing you really enjoy that doesn't take too much of a toll on you. I read, play mindless games online, watch tv. Anything to get my mind off of it.

If you haven't already done so, apply for SSDI. I do not know what type of work you did, but I am hoping that what you paid in will be enough to get you by. Plus you qualify for Medicare after 6 months or so.

(HUGS)

Some good points. I too wil be asking about this. I was put on p & s recently but it seems I am just waiting around still hurting. i will ask the lawyers office too.

I, like others, wish I knew. I take it day by day...and sometimes, moment by moment.

I feel I am a pretty positive person to begin with and I think that helps.
I have my days...the last few have been hard for sure...but I picked myself back up. I think I am learning to find the balance between letting some of out without floating away in it!

Most of all...I remember all the things I have to give to myself and my children and people who choose to be involved in my life. The rest is gravy.

I take it one day at a time, and I also don't dwell on the things that I can't do anymore, I concentrate on what I can do and what I can accomplish. Dwelling on the past and dwelling on what I used to do is counter productive to my health, so I just go with the present and try to make the best life for myself, I know that is hard not to be able to do a lot of the things that I did before, but if I start dwelling on that then I will become depress and honestly, I can't handle one more pill in my system!
So that is how I deal with my issues.............

Thanks for all of your comments. I guess this is a process. I have applied for SSDI and was of course denied. But I have appealed after I tried to work for 30 days and they told me I just wasn't remembering what they were telling me. At 32 my body just seemed to turn on itself and part of that was memory loss. For the last 18 years, one thing after another seemed to go wrong. In my darkest hours, my ex-wife decided she could no longer handle my health issues and wanted out. She did me a favor; I'm much happier without her! But I still struggle with trying to find my place in a world that measures success by what you earn and own. I think, however, something big is waiting for me to accomplish. How, I don't know. I guess that's where faith comes in. Thanks, again, to all of you and I wish you all Happy Holidays!

Good for you! It is a lot to ask of a spouse, and I've given my husband plenty of outs and he's still here. I hope he never leaves, and there's no guarantee but I think he'd have left already. As long as he can stay sane and support me, it'll be good for both of us. (We are both 24 and he's been dealing with my health issues since we were married at 21). I know there's some purpose I'm here and I'll figure it out eventually. I have had plenty of health problems that could very likely have killed me and I'm still here, so I know I have a purpose. Just need to find it now! The pancreatitis was a biggie, though. People die from severe cases, and it raises risk of cancer. But luckily I found my surgeon and I don't have that sucker anymore. I just hope I can find what I'm meant to do before it's too late and I'm crippled beyond repair. Everyone keeps saying, oh it'll be all better in a couple months! Yeah I like to be optimistic too but that's just setting me up for failure if it isn't. Obviously being put on morphine for back pain isn't something that's going to completely reverse itself just like that. They don't even know what's wrong yet, and my mom has a hereditary condition that I could have. Haven't had the genetic tests done yet either. So don't tell me everything's going to be alright! I sure as hell hope so, but I'm not going to set myself up for depression and a miserable fail. That's stupid. My motto has always been, Hope for the best, Expect the worst. That way you're not being pessimistic but you're not setting yourself up for disappointment either.

Anyway I'm done ranting now. Hope you find some peace, and here's to finding purpose in our misery!
~Jolene

I just want to tell everyone, something I'm sure everyone knows.
Each of us have our own values to add to any mix or receipe. So, when we cracked the egg into our batter a shell dropped in. That doesn't ruin the batter it hust sets us back a little removing it to rehab the batter. Our cooking/ life partner may get frustrated and start slinging utensils or slus our way but hey "crap" happens. Try to discern that the frustration at you personally it is just their way of dealing with their own frustration or ability to make things better or as Moms often say or do, kiss the boo boo away. As I'm also sure most are aware, we tend to hurt the ones we love the most because we know we are loved no matter what. Most with any type significant injury or disability has low self esteem. That is a common symptom of just about any unknown. But also know that failing to plan is a plan to fail. Success or almost any goal achievement comes after many failures. But a failure DOES NOT make YOU a failure.

I dunno. I've been going through that myself. If I can't fix myself up and/or find a way to finally accomplish something in my life.... And who would want a serious relationship with me? I'd consider offers, for real. It's at least theoretically possible for two broken-down people to find consolation in each other.

Er, good question.

It has been 3 years for me, with my capability steadily declining until now basically I am capable of driving my kids to and from school, and that's it.

To top it off, because I'd taken time off to raise my kids, my eligibility for SSDI is very questionable- I can't even contribute that.

This is not anything I would have planned for my life! I have 2 college degrees and a million dreams. But unless my neurosurgeon can work his magic, I can't sit, stand, bend, twist, or lift- pretty much eliminating most of them :(

Obviously not the one to be giving you advice today! Sorry! How about some commiseration?

Gee everybody on here said or questioned the same way I did.It helps to know there are others feeling the same way.It helps alot having understanding people to talk to. So Thank You everyone.Gentle hugs.

Jasp

We are all pretty much in the same boat. You can't beat yourself up b/c you have pain and cannot work. It isn't something you would have chosen for your life. But we have to deal with these things the best we can.

Congratulations for being a loving father for them. That has nothing to say about your pain.

I wish I had a magic wand but I don't. But I can say that you seem to be a great guy (and father) So pat yourself on the back and know that being a good father is a hard task and you've figured it out.

God bless you and I will keep you in your prayers.

Thanks, again, everyone. That's why I love DS. People here know what we are going through and dealing with so when one of you has something to say, I know you speak from real experience. Your encouraging words and just listening help me feel better and give me hope for the future. I'm so grateful to have found you all. Thank you, thank you, and Havea Merry Christmas!