Asperger Syndrome Support Group
Asperger syndrome - also referred to as Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's, Aspergers or just AS - is one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), and is characterized by deficiencies in social and communication skills, normal to above normal intelligence, and standard language development.
My grandson was diagnosed with Asperger and I was told it is passed on genetically which means my son has it and I probably have it.
I am not real educated about what the symptoms are so will basically describe myself and those who know can tell me if it sounds like I do have it.
I spent my first year of life in an orphanage and when I was adopted my adopted mother used to laugh because I never laughed or smiled or cried. She could put me in a corner with a few toys and she was very proud because I did not run around like all the other little heathens making noise and getting into things. Up until my 20's I was scared to death of females since I did not know how to talk to them or deal with them. I went out on 3 dates my entire high school years, two of which the girl asked me out. I had no friends in high school, only what might be called acquaintances. I still do not have many of what I might call friends, it is very hard to get past my defenses.
When I was in my early 20's, I got married. I decided that I would marry the first female that said she loved me, so I did. That made my mother very happy since she was pushing me to get married and have kids, she wanted grand kids.
The marriage was terrible from the start. I didn't like anyone to touch me or be near me, and my wife was from a very touchy feely family and she expected me to do the same. I would sit somewhere and she would come over and sit by me and after a few minutes I had to get up and get away, so I would go get a drink or something and come back and sit somewhere else. She would move over by me and I would escape again. She chased me all over the house trying to get near me. The only time I would touch her was to have sex, and then I would move away again. Being in bed sleeping with her was miserable, having someone so close to me. It has taken almost 50 years to get to the point where I can stand to have someone near me.
She ended up with severe depression and eventually I was diagnosed as dysthymic
depression. It is rather funny that over the years I have come to be more at ease around women than men since it was the opposite when I was younger. I find that now I know what the buttons to push on women to get them to "like" me and have a relationship with me, but once they actually get to know me, they run like hell. One woman told me that she had thought her ex was the coldest person she had ever met, until she met me. I was the coldest, most unemotional person she had ever met. Essentially I am like Spock on Star Trek, I deal with logic, not emotions.
Which is true, I do not feel emotion, or if I feel it,cannot understand what I am feeling. I have over the decades learned how to function by reading books, watching TV and movies so I can pretty much give the expected response by faking it. Some times I mess up and do something that is totally inappropriate. In all my relationships and my entire life, I have never loved anyone or felt love for any one. I have 4 kids and when their mother and I divorced, I felt nothing about walking away and leaving them with her.
One doctor said she thought I had Reactive Attachment Disorder. But since I found out about the Asperger Syndrome that my grandson has, I wondered if maybe I have that...or maybe I have both and am really screwed. I am now, at 60, where I should have been 55 years ago as far as emotions and feeling and such (maybe even 59 years)...
Any suggestions, comments, etc. would be appreciated.
I am not real educated about what the symptoms are so will basically describe myself and those who know can tell me if it sounds like I do have it.
I spent my first year of life in an orphanage and when I was adopted my adopted mother used to laugh because I never laughed or smiled or cried. She could put me in a corner with a few toys and she was very proud because I did not run around like all the other little heathens making noise and getting into things. Up until my 20's I was scared to death of females since I did not know how to talk to them or deal with them. I went out on 3 dates my entire high school years, two of which the girl asked me out. I had no friends in high school, only what might be called acquaintances. I still do not have many of what I might call friends, it is very hard to get past my defenses.
When I was in my early 20's, I got married. I decided that I would marry the first female that said she loved me, so I did. That made my mother very happy since she was pushing me to get married and have kids, she wanted grand kids.
The marriage was terrible from the start. I didn't like anyone to touch me or be near me, and my wife was from a very touchy feely family and she expected me to do the same. I would sit somewhere and she would come over and sit by me and after a few minutes I had to get up and get away, so I would go get a drink or something and come back and sit somewhere else. She would move over by me and I would escape again. She chased me all over the house trying to get near me. The only time I would touch her was to have sex, and then I would move away again. Being in bed sleeping with her was miserable, having someone so close to me. It has taken almost 50 years to get to the point where I can stand to have someone near me.
She ended up with severe depression and eventually I was diagnosed as dysthymic
depression. It is rather funny that over the years I have come to be more at ease around women than men since it was the opposite when I was younger. I find that now I know what the buttons to push on women to get them to "like" me and have a relationship with me, but once they actually get to know me, they run like hell. One woman told me that she had thought her ex was the coldest person she had ever met, until she met me. I was the coldest, most unemotional person she had ever met. Essentially I am like Spock on Star Trek, I deal with logic, not emotions.
Which is true, I do not feel emotion, or if I feel it,cannot understand what I am feeling. I have over the decades learned how to function by reading books, watching TV and movies so I can pretty much give the expected response by faking it. Some times I mess up and do something that is totally inappropriate. In all my relationships and my entire life, I have never loved anyone or felt love for any one. I have 4 kids and when their mother and I divorced, I felt nothing about walking away and leaving them with her.
One doctor said she thought I had Reactive Attachment Disorder. But since I found out about the Asperger Syndrome that my grandson has, I wondered if maybe I have that...or maybe I have both and am really screwed. I am now, at 60, where I should have been 55 years ago as far as emotions and feeling and such (maybe even 59 years)...
Any suggestions, comments, etc. would be appreciated.
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
Aspergers is a defined thing - the psychiatrist I talked to said he thought it was a spectrum and it integraded into typical male traits.
That makes it difficult to diagnose yourself - or for anyone unqualified to diagnose you. That is partly because the definitions are open to interpretation and that you need to see alot of people to fully understand where the division between NT and Aspergers lies.
You've decribed aspects of relationships, but you've not mentioned some of the other asperger traits which are additionally required to "qualify" for aspergers.
Anyway, for what it is worth, here is the definition
(I) Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:
(A) marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body posture, and gestures to regulate social interaction
(B) failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level
(C) a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interest or achievements with other people, (e.g.. by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)
(D) lack of social or emotional reciprocity
(II) Restricted repetitive & stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:
(A) encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus
(B) apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals
(C) stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g. hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements)
(D) persistent preoccupation with parts of objects
(III) The disturbance causes clinically significant impairments in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
(IV) There is no clinically significant general delay in language (E.G. single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrases used by age 3 years)
(V) There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self help skills, adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction) and curiosity about the environment in childhood.
(VI) Criteria are not met for another specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Schizophrenia."
There are a number of very bad tests that tend to give false positives, but this is a fairly good test - you will find some very odd questions in it - but then it gives you a fuller picture of aspie traits which are generally not mentioned.
http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php
Finally if you want to look at the results for people that have Aspergers, or as in my case have Aspie traits diagnosed you can see a set here. if you want to join that group, please do.
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/aspie-autie-haven/media