I definitely know what you're talking about, and I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. It is so hard to keep going sometimes especially when things seem to just keep happening. I am 18, but I have had JRA my whole life. I have never been in remission either and sometimes I wonder what a life without pain would be like... It's so hard to imagine because it literally changes EVERYTHING. From getting out of bed in the morning to walking down the stairs, pain is such a restriction. It is hard for others to put themselves in our shoes and they always say, "Oh, you're too young for this to be happening." but in actuality, that makes everyone feel so much worse. I often wonder "Why me?" or "Can't I just be normal?" I know that reaching out and talking about it can be really hard, and sometimes you have absolutely nobody to talk to because they just don't get it. Anyone can say that they understand what you are going through, but it takes someone also struggling to feel and share your pain. My suggestion to you is to talk to your doc. about Remicade. You may have already tried it or maybe you didn't find it helpful, but I have been on it for 5 years with Methorexate. You definitely need to pay your doc. a visit. Pain, to someone that is tolerant of it, expects pain and lives with it, but when someone that is tolerant of pain cannot function because of it... that's when it's time to ask for some help. I really hope that you feel better soon and I hope that this helps a little!

Hi. I don't really know what else to say as I have only recently joined this site and this is the first time I have talked with anyone who isn't my family about my disease. But, I do know what you are going through. I was diagnosed with JIA when I was only 12. I experienced first methotrexate (which was a disaster) and then Enbrel. However, I am now 21 and it is only literally in the last few days that I have realised that I cannot be in denial about this any longer. I powered through secondary school, then college, and then university but I never truly recognised how angry and upset I was becoming about not only at the disease but at myself as well for refusing to accept this illness for so long. It has been over a decade and I am now only coming to terms with the fact that I need help! I have never joined a support group or talked to others like me before I joined this site. But now I realise I cannot go on living like this as it is unhealthy and beginning to rule my life in things like parents, siblings, friends, work, and other pursuits. As I feel I am literally in the same boat as you I can only say that I realise now that being in denial for so long about not allowing this illness to rule my life was actually part of the cause of my anger, resentment, and depression throughout the years.
I have also "powered through" as I have preciously said and I believe you are saying the same thing but I think this has been the cause of a lot of my problems. Just saying the words "I am fine" and "powering through" are okay for a while but eventually you will need to stop and say no, I am going to ask for help from my family (who are amazing) and professionals alike because I feel this is the right thing to do as well as being the right time for me personally. It may not be the the right things to say but I respect you for saying you are finally angry as I have only said this to myself recently after nearly a decade of struggling.
I hope you feel better about the anger as I already do by admitting I have anger. As corny as it sounds walking along the coast (as I live on a peninsula), or eating my favourite ice cream in an ice cream parlour, or simply escaping into a television show or a book for an hour does help me calm down or forget about everything. I hope my experience helps and thank you for saying what I could not for so long. Your post really helped my recognise in myself what you did and I already feel better.

Unfortunately, you are not alone. I too have had a hail of a time trying to find a long lasting, working medication without having to choose which organ too keep. I however did give up...

I have yet, been able to work full time in my last 4 years due to my fear of medications. I am however a Audio Technician and need to keep my head together in order to continue to help my community. I was and am still quit hurt about the lies form my old doctors. After 4 years, I am just now taking to a PCP and looking for help from the right people.

I have changed my outlook on medication due to my first Dr. bad decision by treating me with ONLY highly addicted pain killers. I have now realized the natural option that seems to grow in our communities. Although difficult to find, C.B.D. Supplements work the best for me.

Life will never come easy, but thats what make it worth fighting for. :-)