Hi Jay, I struggle with hypervigilance. Meaning I am always on edge and looking over my shoulder. I really don’t trust anyone. I am always on alert. I have to be in a safe place to let my guard down. Even then I have to be in a place without people and lockdown.

I have been reading a lot of your posts. You seem to be going through a lot right now. You should seek professional help. You may need hospitalization to learn to come to terms with your symptoms. I hope you will reach out to a therapist. Best wishes.

I can over-think the long-term psychology of allowing children to use a blue bowl or pink bowl for their morning cereal. When I'm not busy over-analyzing, my hyper-vigilance takes over and I jump out of my skin and tremble fearfully at the flight of a butterfly. Then we get to what I see when I look in the mirror. . . The hardest day of my life was the day I looked in the mirror through a sleepy fog and said, "Hi Dad. You need a shave." Does the fact that I'm a woman make that an even harder day?

I don't know which is cause and which is side effect in this vicious circle, but a vicious, mind, heart and life-ripping circle it is. Steadying support while you sort your p's from your q's and figure out where to ply the therapy tools for more effective coping.

Listening. . .

I also feel anxious quite often over could be's. I remember as far back as a child fearing the worst in many situations. Withe the help of a therapist I have been able to reign in the anxiety. I used a book called MIND OVER MOOD: CHANGE THE WAY YOU FEEL BY CHANGING THE WAY YOU THINK. There is something in there called a thought record which helps you counter the bad thoughts with a more positive rational thought. I am able to do a thought record in my head now without writing on the paper. I highly recommend the book though.
I still have bad days and moments but they are considerably less now. It also helps to see my therapist weekly and talk things put as they come up.

Finding out what triggers you is a good way to begin the healing process. It will also help you deal with the anxiety an even end it. I am so sorry this is something that you are dealing with, but don't give up. You are stronger than you think! Sending big prayers and hugs!