Anxiety Support Group

Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...

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Anxiety Disorders
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Why do I do this to myself?

stressshouldnotbelife
stressshouldnotbelife

I am new to this group and looking to find some people that may understand some of what I am going through. I have suffered from anxiety for years post a very unhealthy relationship with my son's father that ended with him with my best friend who now lives in my old house and recently had a baby. It has been 4 years since I left and I still feel like I need to "walk on eggshells" and that I am not good enough after years of being told that or being treated horribly no matter what I did to attempt to have everything perfect. I am now in a healthy relationship with an amazing man. He treats me so good. We don't ever yell and rarely argue by talking through issues before we have a problem. We are now moving in together and my anxiety is through the roof. The feelings of needing "perfection" are begining to take over my thoughts and I feel like he may leave me if I can't do thing right. He never puts pressureon me or putsme down so I don't know where this is coming from. I know that nothing is perfect but I can't help this feeling. We both have children, I am in graduate school and work so even trying to be close to perfect is literally impossible right now. I don't know what to do to get these thoughts under control and enjoy this exciting new chapter in my life. I can't focus and am having trouble sleeping.Thanks for listening. Any advice or sharing your own issues with thoughts like this would be so appreciated!

SimpsonsOK
SimpsonsOK
Welcome aboard this DS lifeboat. My thought: living with your ex was traumatic and destructive to you as you tried to be perfect; you are now about to live with a man again, so the old tapes come up. You expected life with your ex was going to be great; now you expect things with this new man will be great. The old messages from your ex do not apply to the new person you are with. Begin assuring your self that ex was wrong; that you are good enough and then some. Sometimes people forget that 1 person is not every person. Sounds like you have a good man now, who likes you just the way you are. Calming hugs.
arfie
arfie
Hello Stress. Welcoming "stress" is creating an odd knot in my throat, but. . . Lost in metaphor again. . . Welcome to DS.

You just took my first step in dealing with my own perfectionism. Sharing about it within my peer support network goes a long way toward helping me keep my expectations more realistic.

Did it help you any?

Good luck with your big move. Hope you can relax and let it evolve at its own directions at the speed of life.

Welcome aboard.
LettGoBreathe
LettGoBreathe
A lot of the times things that went wrong in our past relationships threaten to ruin our new relationships. Especially when it comes to trust, and how we were treated... Can you talk to your new man about this? Is he understanding? Try and have faith. I know it's hard to talk about because you don't want to sound weak. It's not weak to have been emotionally abused. It makes us strong for being able to survive it.

(still trying to live by this myself)
stressshouldnotbelife
stressshouldnotbelife
Thank you all! Your kinds words and understanding mean more than you can know! The move is going ok so far and I am trying my best with the amazing support of my bf to let things go and just do the best I can without letting my stress levels get out of control
RoryG
RoryG
Have you ever been diagnosed with anxiety disorder? It is so good to hear that you are in a healthy relationship and are progressing through graduate school. Your fear that your husband may tire of tolerating you and your anxiety is a classic sign of anxiety disorder. Advice from caring members of this support group, such as me, helps, although we cannot replace a therapist. You have some good things going on in your life, but the anxiety is getting in the way. This happens to me, too. I just moved to a new city, away from family, and the anxiety is really getting to me. I am going to be looking for a therapist.
nightingale77
nightingale77
Hallo there, welcome to DS and Glad you found us. Glad that the move is ok and you are coping ok with that aspect. Mostly agreed with some of the comments above. It’s worth considering talking to your bf what has happened to you in the past and how much anxiety it might have caused. From your post, it seems your BF is a reasonable and understanding man who will take time to hear you out if you unload. So maybe give that a try. If this relationship is serious in taking it Long term, both of you have to establish the trusting safe space to be able share your thoughts and heart out. So it might be a good time to start doing that. Keeping you in my prayer. GOd bless!
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