Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Hey everyone,
Well in the last couple of weeks I've had a couple of new updates. For example, I got into my first choice for Grad School. I'm going to study to become a Librarian. I'm very excited about what is to come in the future. But that's not what this post is about.
Anyways, the reason for this post is to ask for your opinions. Okay, so I used to be in a group growing up (6th grade- Sophmore year of college) and well, it gave me a lot of wisdom and experiences in leadership, group work, etc. I was also connected to people that I considered life long friends, but here is the thing. In the last couple of years that I was involved the experience was messy because there was a lot of tension between me and other members of the group because of something I reported to our supervisor about another member. This said member then twisted the truth and told other older members and so they made it look like I just tried to ruin their reputation. What I reported is not something that I regret because it needed to be reported. Anyways, so we recently had a reunion where everyone was there (via zoom) and I could really feel like nothing had changed. I'm seen in the same way that I was seen when I brought up the situation back when I was 18 (I'm 21 now) and I just feel very uncomfortable being in the group now. I'm an "alumni" in a sense or an older member now. I felt so anxious, and even before showing up to that reunion I kept telling my friends "I don't want to go, but I should" and so I went but looking back at it now, I regret going, because I'm seen as the girl that over reacted and ruined someone else's time in the group. I also just didn't feel the same way that i used to about being there.
I talked to my significant other and my other best friend and told them that I feel as though being a part of that group is now toxic for my mental health and my well being because, if it makes me increidibly anxious to go and to just be there even in the background, is it really worth being a part of anymore? I also felt very drained after the meeting and just sad and down. It makes me sad because the group was a significant part of my childhood and my teenage life, and I learned a lot from being there, but I feel as though no one else wants me there anymore and I just feel very uncomfortable and unwelcomed. So I think I want to let it go already. I'm sure some of you have outgrown certain groups you used to be in when you were younger or such, but like is it okay for me to distance myself? Is it okay to let go? Have I outgrown them?
Is this just a part of life?
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
My own childhood was too unstable for childhood friends, but over the course of learning how to have long-term friendships, I've had to accept that social drift as just part of life. I learned this before the "Toxic People" fad and remain uncertain how to use that concept correctly, but in my psychotheraputed response to social drift is to allow myself to drift without judging the people I am distancing from. I can allow myself to expand without burning bridges.
For sure, your post-graduate needs are different from your 6th grade needs. It is okay to grow. If I had the treasure of childhood friends, I'd postpone the decision of whether or not to send them off to the Toxic People Landfill. I'd let nature run its course while staying focused on my current path.
So it’s ok to re-evaluate those relationships, and decide to move on or limit time with them or whatever you want.
I get what you're saying about this group a bit as I've been thinking about my high school reunion. We didn't have one last year for obvious reasons (covid) but I'm sure we will down the road. I kinda want to go- there are people I would like to see. BUT, and it's a BIG but- in the interceding years since high school I have stopped being friends with my entire core friend group from high school for one reason or another. I don't harbor any ill will toward any of them as I hope they don't toward me it seems for each and every single one there was some life transition on one of our parts where the friendship just didn't have the strength to last through it. I've grown, I've made new friends, gotten married and so on... but I worry about things that I've let go not being so let go if I were to be in the same room as them. Not that I don't think I could be adult with them- I absolutely can be- I just don't want to leave the situation wishing I hadn't gone, and emotionally spent.
I agree with the above commenters- it's completely fine to re-evaluate your relationships within this group and limit the time that you are a part of it. Over time I'd come to realize that those who want to be friends with me will seek me out through times where I'm being a bit more distant and those who don't- well- they probably weren't that great of friends to begin with.
Trust your gut. Sounds like you have great things going for you with school, your significant other and best friend to talk to when you need a sounding board.
Best wishes!