I think from what you've written that you're getting out there
with the kids and hubby pretty nicely.
Try not to judge yourself. If you are bored and want to go out,
why not volunteer somewhere? or go to an event hosted by the local municipality where you can meet locals in the city government? I went to an Emergency Preparedness event
at the local Agoura Hills City hall today. I found out about it by chance online and kept to my plan of going. I talked a little to the folks there.
Sometimes just completing or following through on the commitment is reward too. I'm bored as well today and wish I had more to do... I'd love to be social but I have the issue of blowing my wad/wallet yesterday on some treats already.
It's up to me to find other stuff. I could walk over to the leasing office to see if our gym is still up and running during renovations.
My gut tells me sometimes you make things harder for yourself than they have to be. Be good to yourself arfie!!
Make your life about what you want it to be about - and knowing what that is will then help you organize to get it.
Peace
and hugs.
Mark

your gut is right on target about my compulsion to make things harder than they have to be. i'm so good at it that i can complicate the simplest of principles. love thy neighbor? how kinky is their love? i charge extra for the kinks.

sigh. . .

you're also spot on about getting out and about with hubs and the munchkins, as well as volunteer work at their school. enough so that i am finding opportunity for overtures of friendship for myself, as well, but. . . the social distances feel enormous. the opportunities are far more virtual than real time. does virtual still mean "almost?" virtual reality is not even remotely real to me. i already have more virtual friends than i can keep up with, even without social boards. is real time friendship a thing of the past?

just mask it all. . .

Arfie, for the most part, you have made sense on dailystrength.org from what I hear about you. And remember it's okay to isolate so as long as it's not going to cost you your own happiness basically what's been working for you so to say... It's always good to have a support group/system that actually is there for you in the direst moments... blessed to know you do seem to have one. Take life for what it is, invest your time wisely, and know all will be good when you are good and happy about your daily choices... best we can do and be and give is each other in a time of need because we care. There is always someone that will care, it's part of our Godly/Divine gene as homosapiens... :)

thank you, queen. most expertly given advice.

you might be the only person on my therapy support network who thinks it's okay for me to isolate. i have the survival skills to go off grid and have actually used them. it took quite allot to bring me in from the wild and i still feel the call of the wild much more often than i feel the call of a royal court. part of my psychotherapy inventory is whether my "alone time" has crossed the line into isolation. i love my alone time, dearly, especially after inheriting my 3 foster kids. that godly/divine gene is the fatal flaw to my extreme isolation tactics. people really do need people, whether we like it or not.

sigh. . . can i be a grizzly bear in my next life? god designed them to live solitary lives.

yea, there's always someone who cares, but my trust issues are still intense enough that i am forever looking for the dagger behind the back of those caring folks. i've been down too many roads to hell paved with good intentions.

It's hard to tell the tone but is it fair and fare to say you've got a sarcastic sense of humor, Arfie?

I've always been criticized, for my personal space 'isolation' and it's not because I want for it to be this way... however, I fall in my royal courtship when I am put at ease and everyone else around me is honorably serving one another.

I'm Biblical and I do believe God sets his people apart, hence why I think as to believe it is essential to sit alone until you feel guided by the divine (holy ghost).

Yes, I too know for a fact people you and I really do need each other whether anyone likes it or not. We are all here to be of service to one another as cheerful givers...

We know 'man' alone cannot be trusted, but with God anything is possible. Hence why I, we, and like most, don't lean on our own understanding when acknowledging Higher Power from within be the person in isolation, alone, or accompanied.

I say this, especially knowing the many hell-paved roads with good intentions men claim to call heavenly. We know the only heaven we will ever experience on Earth will feel like home to us (independently and collectively).

Sounds like your foster children take care of your need for people. I remember and I still enjoy reminiscing, I would sit at my kitchen table and work for hours at a time, just sitting alone but not alone... the interaction of my three children and me presently next to them made my life heavenly. I sure do miss them.

i wasn't trying to be sarcastic. i have an ongoing dilemma on the advice-giver/taker score. i was a hardcore advice giver/taker in 1972 when i started psychotherapy. hardcore enough that both pros and peers on my therapy support network nagged me endlessly about it. i still fall into my old habits with the greatest of ease and am looking for ways to hold my own psychosis in check while respecting the spirit of advice-giving/taking. i reckon it's back to the drawing board on that dilemma, works in progress.

i'm not biblical, but i am in total agreement with the importance of listening for the voice of my higher power. it's always there when i can keep my heart open.

yea, it is sorely tempting to limit my social activities to the needs of the children. adults sure are confusing and i still don't understand the new normal. i didn't much understand the old normal, either.

getting back on topic. . .

masking, social distances and virtual reality are the three most vicious thought loops in this psychopation. while i still haven't settled the medical mask phobia which surfaced with the rise of the maskites, most of my thought loops still center on the metaphorical masking insights of a child prostitute. ditto for the social distancing. in my personal senses, learning about masking and social distancing was far more traumatic on my child senses than learning the ins and outs of anatomy. the government mandates that i practice both was? ? ? mind blowing?

the virtual reality has its own herstory, starting with how the zoom boom stole the name of a very promising and still developing technology. video conferencing and virtual reality are entirely different technologies. the original VR was showing great promise for ptsd treatment before corona ran it over on the cloudways. hopefully we will find a new name for it and the research will continue.

to my old tech warhorse senses, the new virtual reality is far more virtual than reality. zoom zoom. is tech addiction an official diagnosis yet? the real time folks who have inspired this rant all seem to be exhibiting addictive behavior.in league with the participants in the kiddie whorehouse scene. or am i projecting?

sorting. . .

I don't know Arfie, I see technology such as zoom as a medium between two or more sources, a channel of communication, an alternative and an extreme form of overreaching when it has been far more essential to communicate face-to-face.

However, if the experiment of life is to communicate using technology to bring back stimulation with sensitivity to the human race (the heart of the man) then I think it's a work in progress. So many may have desensitized and have fallen away from essentially knowing what compassion is in the journey and the meaning of life...

I don't have a virtual connection (at times I wish I did) so as long as there is a goal with main objectives at play... of course, again, I say this as a complete person hoping nothing else that is essential is being compromised in doing so. But if for a moment, the life of another and or myself is at jeopardy, I could live without such virtual connection in exchange for life, liberty, and essentially the pursuit of happiness to be reunited with humanity as intended harmlessly engaging with humanity without surveillance.

Life is so precious, and even after experiencing such conditioning circumstances at the end of the day, it's not what we think to project, but about the results, we have to show ourselves self-mastery, all is done for ourselves when we look into the mirror of life to see the beauty we've all independently became amidst difficulties. What we see is the effort we have put into ensuring we like and love who we are and have become at the end of the day.

I once heard, here on social media, there is no need for anxiety. As a result, I have slowly learned to adapt and apply that concept to my daily life. I've been challenged to face life consequently as a minimalist. It's not easy, but at the end of the day, I have become my own therapist, my own best friend, my own persona facing my own personality and living up to my own daily strength with the help of God (Higher Power).

I like to be myself at all times, I personally do not compromise my own personality and integrity... and I most certainly don't expect nor would want anyone else to compromise their own integrity.

my tech career dates back to the early 70's when internets were still plural and multimillion dollar computers had less processing power than my microwave and top programmers had allot in common with john nash, russel crowe's character in "a beautiful mind." psychotic breaks were common among that crowd.

fast forward to 2019 when my youngest son and his wife were killed in a fatal car wreck. his children were already in protective custody. i strongly suspect he was texting me instead of driving when the accident happened. i chose to respect his cell phone security rather than jump the hoops to access that bit of data. i'm clueless whether any of his virtual friends are aware that he is real-time dead. he died utterly convinced that he and his wife were both suffering tech addiction. even though neither had ever touched an illegal drug or even alcohol. they were most certainly exhibiting addictive behavior the entire time their children were in protective custody. in other words, until the day they died.

dunno. . . pro'lly just my senior dementia setting in. what do cynical old warhorses know?

i utterly adore living my dream of having the world's libraries at my fingertips and being able to order special treats from far off lands, but? ? ? i'm still struggling to find words for this new normal. he/she who dies with the most friends they have never met wins? for sure, my departed son was a likely winner. his was a virtual life. wifey even more so.

maybe i am **just** grieving? ? ?

Uh, Arfie, I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your youngest son as you mentioned and you are in your right to grieve. With your youngest son and your daughter-in-law, in thought, please accept my condolences.

thank you, queen. we just passed the third anniversary of the accident and? ? ? grieving is a long and mysterious process.

why do i keep wanting to call you, "your majesty?"