Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
When I was younger, I never had anything to proud of. I wasn't the smartest, prettiest, most athletic, etc. I had very little skill. Sometimes I feel like I was my parents' forgotten child. They never really paid attention to my school work, so with my stubbornness, if I didn't want to do certain work or care about a subject, it didn't matter. They wouldn't get on me about my grades - at some point, they stopped looking at my report cards. I had other siblings (I'm the 5th of 6 kids) that they shone their light on more. So I lived in their shadows.
My teenage years were tough. I didn't have many friends, nor did my family pay attention to me. I started online chatting when I was 12, so it was easy to just talk about my feelings to a computer. Depression set in easily enough.
So after high school, I had to get a job. College was never in my mind - I effectively hated school, so didn't want to do more schooling, and for what? I had no interest or dreams of a career. I landed at the grocery store that I still work at when I was 19 (I'm 32 now). I started out at the lowest position and spent many years not wanting to move up. I never wanted to be a cashier; I didn't think I'd do that job well enough and dealing with money gave me major anxiety. I ended up as a cashier anyway. And there's been times that I've gotten high praise for being a great cashier. Still, no pride in my work. A monkey could do my job just as well. Maybe better.
So it wasn't until I was given tasks away the register that I started to feel pride in my work. And I've gotten much praise from my supervisors, store manager especially, and even corporate about my area. So the pride hit me hard to keep my areas as perfect as I could. And I'd show off when they looked good. I realized that I was searching for their validation. My self confidence was so bad for so many years, that I didn't know how to take compliments (actually I still don't know how to take compliments).
I realize that searching for other people's validation is just hurting my own self-esteem. I just don't know how to scale back. As a child, I would try to seek out attention occasionally, so even yelling pleased me. I now hate yelling and arguments, I just don't care for it and I retreat.
Anybody else have issues with validation, compliments, being okay with not being noticed?
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
Keep venting, Eab. The you Nature intended is in there. Gentle support while you pull her out for further development.
Thank Light. I used to have people tell me I should be in management. I got nagged about going into customer service many times. I just clarified to my current supervisor that I do not want to be in customer service, just so she wouldn’t nag me about it. Maybe one day I’d be ready for something like that, but definitely not for awhile.
Thanks arfie. You give the best replies, and I appreciate that. You are right, the real me is in there and I just haven’t figured out how to show her to everyone.
The fact that you are aware you are not comfortable with being in management and you are working to improve your balance actively is awesome.
I have had a few instances where I have been like look, look at my area, it’s nice, but for the most part, I have calmed down on that. I work very hard and well when I have the time and I know that my supervisors see and know that without me telling them. And I don’t need them to tell me how well I’ve done. Baby steps.