Even when I'm alone with my cat and listening to the most beautiful music on the radio, while living at a peaceful monastery, do i still feel anxiety. I don't know how much of it is normal. I'm telling myself that it's just a healthy normal mix of peace and natural nerves. One psychiatrist I had seen said 'some people have difficulty with the mix of love and hate.' Applying the same lense on peace and anxiety, I'm telling myself that a mix is just how it is and that there's no perfect out there that somehow I've registered in my mind as an eventuality. Nope, this is it? I'm very lucky to be living where I am. I get all the outside world I can tolerate and I know this place has helped me get healthier and happier. I've spent the last couple of days in bed recovering from a fever, and it's really been restorative. I've reconciled some things.