Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
around the turn of the millennium, i was promoted from intensive psychotherapy to, "therapy maintenance." surviving child sex trafficking is wicked enough a psychic injury, coupled with the physical injuries, that i expect to need this daily maintenance for the rest of my life. by the time i was promoted to therapy maintenance, i had gained enough comfort with this unfortunate fact of life and enough proficiency with the use of therapy tools that everybody involved, including myself, that confidence was running high that the promotion would be successful.
one of my key tools in this maintenance is the daily inventory. what do i have to work with today? on my best days, i am merely "eccentric." eccentric is a polite word for, "just plain crazy." on my worst days, isolating myself is a public safety measure. i does get mean and unpredictable on my worst days. channeling time! ! ! social distancing advised.
of course, most days i am a mixed bag between the extremes. last night i had a minor bout of insomnia where my mind kept spinning pointless loops around topics i am powerless to change or control. as a result, i awoke late enough that i did not have time for my daily maintenance before it was time to get the 2 eldest foster kids off to school. i was a stuttery, muttery mess as i attended their preparations. i am grateful that our shared but still new normal (still don't have a better word for ^it^) was well enough established that i was able to navigate through on auto-pilot. i am not sure the children noticed my struggle.
at present, i am catching up on my daily maintenance and still feeling out of sync enough that i thought i better add the extra measure of reality checks from my peer support network.
how 'bout it? am i making sense?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
I find being on auto pilot sometimes to be a gift. It protects myself (and everyone around me) from myself, when I don’t have time or the wherewithal to get my head on straight as I like to call it.
I can very much relate to the insomnia and the endless loop of topics. Lord it gets noisy in my head some nights.
i'm still plagued by those noisy thought loops, but i am risking the sin of pride over how well i have slept in the past couple of decades. knock wood. may i never again experience that sleep deprivation level of insomnia. that was living hell and i ain't metaphoring around. literally. insomnia sucks.
for what it's worth
i have been treating those thought loops like a physical phenom for the last decade or two. my thought loops are always accompanied by what i call, "pressure centers" inside(?) my skull. when i visualize and mentally massage those pressure centers, it somehow eases the head noise.
i have a cozy little quiet corner in the laundry room, behind the washer and dryer set. enter at your own risk. this REAL bitch will bite if she has to. tail wagging is mucher funner, but a gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do. i definitely get more productive reality checks here than i do at the breakfast table.