Today I am going to say something I have said before, but this time I gave no remorse.

For years I took my grandmother's side. I accepted society's view of granny's being sweet and pure. However, I could never entirely understand why my father was an alcoholic or why family seemed to avoid my grandmother. After living with her and really getting to know her, I now know why. My grandmother is a dysfunctional bitch.

She corrects you. Whines to you. Weaves in the guilt trip. Assumes you are just as pathetic and insecure as her and therefore assumes you can't do anything right it alone. Even the way she looks at you communicates this. Just constant judgement, criticism, guilt trips, ignorant beliefs, and negativity. If she doesn't like something you are expected to be her yes man. I can now finally understand why my father was an alcoholic. Everytime I have listened to her talk for a few minutes I feel I need a drink. After a few months I have become a situational alcoholic. If I remove her from my life, the drinking stops.

Any time I have needed a pat on the back, a shoulder to cry on, or some encouraging words, you know what this bitch does? She puts me down. She criticises me. She tells me how wrong something is or imperfect something is or better yet get distorted view of reality that she thrives on like a martyr. 

She stresses over things that are my responsibility. She gets headaches over them and underhandedly let's me know it's my fault she has high blood pressure or has a headache. No it is not my fault. You don't exercise. You sit at home.e all day watching TV. And your ass is old ok. I suppose your fucken wrinkles are my fault too. You are such a fucken miserable person. Anyone would develope mental issues around you.

You know what bitch, die already ok. Tired of your fucken shit. Nothing makes you happy. The day you die I will buy champagne and celebrate for the rest of my Catholic bullshit free life.

This is the kind of person you look at and think to yourself: Is she lonely cause she's miserable or is she miserable cause she's lonely?

This is the person who taught me to be anxious and reminds me to be anxious whenever she sees that I am free of it irwhen she fails to understand why she can't be hapoy. If you can't be happy you go shit on someone else who is.

I identify her as the source of my anxiety which I am aware of. Therefore, when I feel it or hear it I know what she is doing. I don't let her destroy my happiness anymore. And yes, once in a while even though she is my grandmother, I tell her to shut up. This is your view of life: therefore, you live and die smothered in shit. I moved on long time ago. And now after dealing with you for so many years I can finally understand and forgive my father for being an alcoholic. Thank you.