Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
My ex-girlfriend left me just over a year ago, and I'm had a lot of difficulty moving on due to the way she treated me following the break-up and my various mental health issues.
Before the relationship ended, she was receiving abuse from her mother, and I found out that other people had abused her in the past as well. Naturally, as someone who loves her, I was extremely worried about this, concerned for her safety, and terrified that something bad was going to happen to her. Whenever I'd talk to her on the phone or see her, I'd be scared that that would be the last time I'd ever hear her voice or get to hug her because of the abuse she was receiving at home.
Her mother's disapproval of our relationship (she was homophobic and couldn't accept that her daughter is a lesbian - she blamed me for turning her daughter gay) contributed to the breakdown of the relationship. I found it very hard to deal with the breakdown of the relationship and am still suffering every day because of it.
What I'm most worried about is her safety. I'm still terrified that people will hurt her wherever she goes. I'm scared that people will use her, abuse her, or influence her to do bad things. She's gone away to uni and we're not really in contact at the moment (only talking when its something urgent), but I still can't help worrying about her. I check her social media pages at least 10 times a day just to make sure she's still alive because her mother once went as far as trying to drive her off a cliff, and I'm scared that somebody else is going to try and kill her. When she doesn't update her social media for a while I start to freak out and panic, I'll start crying and shaking and doing bad things to myself, such as self-harming.
I am currently receiving counselling, but nothing has helped so far in terms of my constant concern for her. She is aware of how I feel, but she refuses to talk about it because I upset/anger her when I'm in such a hysterical state when she's actually fine.
I don't know how to stop worrying about her or being scared. I'm still completely in love with her and I think I will be for a long time, if not forever.
Before the relationship ended, she was receiving abuse from her mother, and I found out that other people had abused her in the past as well. Naturally, as someone who loves her, I was extremely worried about this, concerned for her safety, and terrified that something bad was going to happen to her. Whenever I'd talk to her on the phone or see her, I'd be scared that that would be the last time I'd ever hear her voice or get to hug her because of the abuse she was receiving at home.
Her mother's disapproval of our relationship (she was homophobic and couldn't accept that her daughter is a lesbian - she blamed me for turning her daughter gay) contributed to the breakdown of the relationship. I found it very hard to deal with the breakdown of the relationship and am still suffering every day because of it.
What I'm most worried about is her safety. I'm still terrified that people will hurt her wherever she goes. I'm scared that people will use her, abuse her, or influence her to do bad things. She's gone away to uni and we're not really in contact at the moment (only talking when its something urgent), but I still can't help worrying about her. I check her social media pages at least 10 times a day just to make sure she's still alive because her mother once went as far as trying to drive her off a cliff, and I'm scared that somebody else is going to try and kill her. When she doesn't update her social media for a while I start to freak out and panic, I'll start crying and shaking and doing bad things to myself, such as self-harming.
I am currently receiving counselling, but nothing has helped so far in terms of my constant concern for her. She is aware of how I feel, but she refuses to talk about it because I upset/anger her when I'm in such a hysterical state when she's actually fine.
I don't know how to stop worrying about her or being scared. I'm still completely in love with her and I think I will be for a long time, if not forever.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
Something that I have learned along my journey through life is that.....love never dies. Just because the person is not with you does not mean that the love for her has to stop. Love is a positive thing...never stop loving her!
With that said....there is one more very important thing that you need to start doing. This "one thing" not only helps the person you love...(no matter what stage you are currently in with this person)....but this will also help yourself in way that you never dreamed. Here is the thing....YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF and start working on some of these issues you are experiencing.
Self harming is a control issue not much different then OCD or eating disorders. A person who who partakes in these behaviors feels a sense of control in an otherwise uncontrollable situation. Unfortunately doing these behaviors takes the person even further out of control. These behaviors create a lie, of sorts, to yourself....giving you a feeling of control at first only to strip it away and make matters much worse later.
The way to overcome this backsliding behavior is to first overcome the negative thoughts....that create the negative feelings....that then create the need for the negative behavior......does this make sense?
I use to have an eating disorder. I had no idea why I would do this behavior over and over. While I was in the midst of a binge....I felt fulfilled and calm...afterwards I always felt awful, depressed, unworthy, ashamed and unlovable. Unfortunately I did not know how to stop the negative thoughts so this negative behavior stayed with me for some time. I finally opened up to my brother in law who help me find someone who was able to help. What I did not realize was that my eating disorder had nothing to do with food.....it was all about the negative feelings from the negative thoughts I was having about loosing my sister to a car accident. No matter what I did I could not bring her back.
Here's the thing I didn't realize....just because my sister is gone does not mean my love for her has died. Love never dies...it stay right with in you heart for ever. Nothing and no one can ever take that away.
You have no idea what you future has in store for you. Maybe things will work out with your ex...maybe not....maybe someone else will be your true soul mate...who knows! What I do know...is that no matter what you need to be heathy and happy to make anyone of these options work out for you. The way to achieve this is by starting to work on the main thing that causing you this unhappiness...your negative thoughts!!!
Friend me and have a look at the 12 week postings on my journal page that I used to overcome anxiety and depression. You can do this...and who knows maybe help your ex too! Wouldn't that be wonderful!
My best to you!
Anyway, if I could go back and talk to the girl I was then I would tell her this: This hurts like crazy but it will heal and you will love again. The best in your life is yet to come and your true soulmate is out there. You won't meet him for quite awhile so for now focus on taking care of yourself, do what's best for you, and embrace your life.
It sounds like you are not just dealing with heartbreak, however. It sounds like you are neck deep in anxiety and obsessive thinking. Thinking constantly about whether your ex is in danger is a symptom and not a reflection of reality. It sounds like your symptoms are severe enough to warrant not just counseling but medication, even if it is just until you are through the worst of it. I'm not one to push meds on people, but in your case I think it might help bring you some relief so you can get a handle on things.
I have massive self-esteem issues which have got a lot worse since she left me, but am in counselling at the moment which is helping a little bit. I suffer from depression as well as anxiety and self-harm, so am on medication for that. I'm going back to the doctor's on tuesday so hopefully something can be done about my anxiety and constant worry about her! I would like to get a handle on things as this is completely destroying me. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who has done this type of thing before though!
Thank you all for your advise!
Whether or not this person shares your love is not your choice. You have the choice to put your well-being on the same level as you have this relationship.
Practice the "in the moment" for your well-being.
Best wishes, you are not alone in this.