that was long??? yeah you are new at this lol. I want to comment on one little piece you said, you thought it 'went away'... anxiety and depression don't 'go away' they lurk in the shadows looking for a time to hit and hurt. You need to eye them up and fight them, the more you fight, the more you post and the more you talk will make you stronger to give them an uppercut that knocks them back into the shadows where they belong.

thanks for replying, i was afraid no one would. i'm kinda a really insecure and low self-esteem person. how do you get stronger?

You are already taking steps toward getting stronger just by stretching your comfort zone here, Kpossible. Just keep stretching. Easy does it.

Welcome aboard. Hope you feel safe to explore and strengthen your insecurities here.

P.S. Another astonishment that you called your post, "Long." Rambling allowed here. Getting stronger takes what it takes.

thanks so much, i already feel alot better just being able to share this stuff with people who understand what i'm going through. i do tend to ramble though. i find myself keeping everything in and not letting it out until something happens and i explode.

Rambling allowed, Kpossible. I confess that I seldom read all of the ramble posts, but I don't really believe that other people reading ^it^ is any near as important as venting those psycho gases before those explosions happen. Getting ^it^ into words can go a long way toward easing the pain.

thanks arfie. just kinda focusing on getting through each day one at a time. today was really hard. all day, i had that terrible anxious and nervous feeling, to where it almost hurt. then i found myself trying not to hyperventilate. and my heart rate was high all day. i feel like everyone is staring at me and judging me. and i keep trying to figure out whats wrong with me, if i look weird, or did something wrong, or what they are thinking about me, why they look at me and laugh, what inside jokes do they have about me, etc..then at the same time my heart is racing, my mind is racing, i feel worthless, anxious, scared, lost, out of breath, wanting to run and hide, etc...i just want it to stop.

You are definitely not alone! Look at this.... from the Anxiety and Depression Association of America -

"Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, or 18.1% of the population every year.

Anxiety disorders are highly treatable, yet only 36.9% of those suffering receive treatment."


Have you sought any treatment?

No, i haven't had any kind of treatment. Except trying home remedies like, essential oils, L-theanine, breathing exercises, and meditation..My parents won't allow me to seek professional help. It's something i really want to look into because of how severe my issues have become, but...

I don't get bad anxiety attack but I do get nervous a lot. Breathing exercises work for me especially if I wake up in the middle of the night panicking about school or exams.

Have you talked this over with any school counselors and/or nurses?

my school doesn't have counselors, just deans, and there's really nothing that they can do for me except allow me to sit in the office when I get a panic attack. There's a teacher, that looks out for me at school, and gets me to the office if he sees me hyperventilating or having a panic attack, and checks on me to be sure I'm doing alright, and when I was being bullied at school he got that taken care of also, but he's can't always pay attention. But other than that, I don't have anyone to talk to about this.

Ugh, today was frustrating. This morning I felt so good. better than I've felt in ages. And then after lunch at school it all went away. I had a panic attack and my teacher found me hyperventilating in the hallway and sent me to the office. I spent half an hour in there trying to calm down.

I am sorry you are going through this. Anxiety and depression are very difficult, especially when you are in school. Have you tried talking with someone about what you are dealing with? This can help so much because that person will know what you are going through so they can be there for you when times are tough. I really hope everything gets better!

Thanks baileyf14. That means alot. I really haven't met anyone in person who struggles with the same things that I do. So no. I've got two teachers and a dean who look out for me at school, but they don't share my problems, just make sure I don't pass out in the hallway from hyperventilating. Ive found that talking about my problems really does help, and since there's not someone ive met in person, this support group has been a tremendous blessing and help.