Hello, I'm new here but have already benefitted so much from reading through posts this evening.
I had my first panic attack in 2017. At the time, I believed it to be out of the blue, but with therapy and self reflection I had come to realize it had been building up for a long time, as I have dealt with anxiety since childhood but believed I had it under control. After that first panic attack though, they began to spiral, (fear of fear, fear of going insane, hypochondria) bringing along the depression that comes with feeling stuck in such a state. It took months, but with weekly therapy, 20mg of celexa, and .5mg Kolonipen as needed, it had nearly vanished for 4 years.
Fastfoward to June of this year. I was writing on my laptop when I had the strange sensation of pressure in my forhead and a quick snap of blurred vision for only a second. At the same time, sheer panic flooded my chest. Immediately I spiraled again with thoughts like 'it's happening again' and 'I'm going crazy'. I could not sleep that night and struggled for many after, dreading trying to fall asleep and waking up with fire in my chest.
I went back to my doctor 3 days after that initial panic relapse and got switched from the Celexa 20mg to Zoloft 50mg. Tried it for a month before being upped to 100mg Zoloft about 4 weeks ago due to no real change. At 100mg Zoloft I notice that the darkness that comes along with recurring anxiety has lifted a bit, turning the panic into a more manageable general anxiety, but I am still struggling so much with physical symptoms and the racing thoughts they bring with them. My physical symtoms seem to change everyday, from headaches and eye pain, to stomach cramps that last all day, head pressure, chills and heart pounding, etc.
Mentally it's different this time too. In 2017 I was naive and thought that a pill was the cure and that I was 'free,' but now I know this is a battle I will be fighting for a long time. There are good days, but mostly I've been feeling beat down and exhausted. I have also faced a lot of stigma from doctors in my search for a new kolonipen perscription, as my previous doctor isn't in my new insurance plan. It has gotten to the point where I feel a sense of shame for needing it occasionally, as there have been a few times where it was the only thing that kept me out of the hospital.
I am seeing a therapist, do a lot of self help reading and am doing everything I can to stop the spiral. This is my first time really trying to put what I'm going through in words and I guess I am looking for people who can relate and support. Anxiety makes me feel so alone and broken and I hate feeling this way. Some questions I have are:
Is 4 weeks not enough time for Zoloft to fully kick in? Has anyone here struggled to get the anti anxiety meds they need due to the stigma around them? What are your go to coping mechanisms?
Also, if you struggle with anxiety please know you are so strong in my eyes and reading some of the smiliar stories on this board has helped me so much already. Much love.
Well I am back. I didn't write a couple days. Hoping things were calming here. it is the middle of the night right now. My husband and I were kind of calm and ok the last day or so. about and hour ago, we have our dogs up on bed with us, the one dog couldn't get comfy. I awoke hearing my husband fussing with him. I said "oh what's going on". My husband said what do you think is going on,...
Has anyone in the group tried the no chase hands off kind of approach? How did it work? My husband and I after lengthy chats and fairly new damage with our ED (this has only been going on outwardly 4 months) have decided not to chase, not to put up with any further derisive bullying and treat her as if she is just another person we know that wants nothing to do with us. Truly, all the positive...