I wish I had a simple solution to my obsessing and ruminating thoughts. I talk to myself all the time. But not out loud. I think most of it is a result of all the daily chaos from my childhood. All though I hated it, there is a certain amount of chaos that makes me feel normal. I know - it only makes sense if you lived it.

empathy, jazzy. my own obsessing/ruminating is so prevalent and diverse that i need an entire library of whachamacallits to handle them all. like you, i find uncertain comforts in the chaos. it is familiar and normal for me.

the tidbit greeneyes shared in this post could be useful when i am dominating conversations. i need different ones for self-flagellation, talking to people who are not present, political controversy, sitting in a corner shaking with fear, etcetera, etceteri through a child prostitute's share of psychoticks.

my most important tool for that body of dirty work is a sense of humor and frequent reminders to be gentle with myself and patient with the process.

healing hopes.

Good morning Jazzy and arfie! Jazzy, I have been watching different videos about medical stuff. Apparently, our brains prefer negative thoughts and these thoughts stick more than positive thoughts. Also, if you have ADHD like me, we tend to have a lot of negative thoughts. I obsess about people who are on my nerves. I obsess to the point that my head hurts and I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. I have had to get away from these people. I also have OCD, which doesn't help matters. But Jazzy, I understand what you mean. I have come to believe that I "need" my OCD. It used to take so much of my time that I didn't think that I would know what to do with my free time and obsessing kept me from my real feelings. Is this the case with you? arfie, you are a strong woman! You have certainly had some circumstances that would make some break down. Last night, I watched a video by Dr. Daniel Amen and his wife on the 7 type of ADHD. They said that you can have more than one type. As they described them, I can definitely suffer from more than one type.

Yeah I feel like I have a number of levers I can pull and I just try them until I find one that helps. The lever might change depending on the circumstances or my state of mind. It’s never really one trick that works all the time for me.

It’s funny. I recall talking about anxiety with a therapist years ago. It was like my first or second visit where you are trying to establish what you hope to get out of the therapeutic process and we got to talking about tools to help deal with some things and I kind of joked that if I didn’t have anxiety I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. But I was kind of serious as well. There is something to be said about the chaos feeling normal. Like it became so much a part of my life that if I didn’t have it, how would I spend my thoughts, otherwise? I think it goes back to these habits and patterns that get so ingrained. Your brain is just always interpreting everything as danger.

Plus I would think who would I be if I wasn’t worrying every single thing to death, or entertaining every intrusive thought? It gives you such a false sense of control. So
the possibility of being able to manage and regulate my thoughts felt both freeing and terrifying all at the same time.

Fortunately I got over the terror hump but man some days I still don’t trust my brain’s interpretation of information. Hence the ongoing push and pull managing intrusive thoughts. Some days it’s as easy as brushing away a pesky gnat. Other days it’s like
Sisyphus rolling that boulder up the hill.