Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
the maternal family is scheduled to pick up the 3 foster kids for a christmas visit today according to the conditions of our court-ordered custody agreement. i do not know these people well, but they are so routinely late for everything that i trust them to be late, if they show at all. i have enough reliably unreliable people in my life that i have developed strategies for making contingency plans in the likely event that they do what they do best and the plans change without notice. alas, those therapy tools work better for adults than children. the oldest is 8 and he has caught on far enough that he no longer presses me for details of their arrival. the almost 3 year old is still vague on the concept of planning and mostly rides the waves of her two elder siblings. the 5 year old has caught on to the concept of planning but remains vague on broken promises and how to cope with them. for now, i'm not even attempting to explain the dynamics to her --or even big bro. i'm just letting the events unfold and bracing to lead them through whatever evolves.
even when dealing with reliable events, waiting anxiety remains one of my more vicious psycho snot knots.
any tips?
i'm leaving the mood icon on the rapid cycling median. my moods are all over the psychic map this morning.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
the children have independent relationships with their maternal family. for better AND for worse. i believe that is a good thing. as custodial guardians, hubs and i are trying to simply be available to help the process as the process evolves.
i'm taking lots of therapy breaks to manage my own waiting anxiety and the flashbacks to childhood waits for my own parents to show up in their own reliably unreliable fashion. i remain highly vulnerable to waiting anxiety. prayers in progress that i don't pass it on to the already confused children. just praying.
I had such an unreliable dad. By the time I was 14 I had hardened to it but it killed me watching my much younger siblings constantly being let down, left waiting on porches, looking out the windows, crying because my dad would forget or just not think it was a big deal. This was his behavior all while my parents were married and was even worse after they divorced. Jesus, my brother was 19 when he was diagnosed with cancer; the day he was
diagnosed he was in my hospital bed and my dad told him he’d come see him tomorrow at 1:00 and never showed up. My brother was sobbing just like he did when was a little boy
waiting for my dad to pick him up to go wherever he had promised him.
It’s worse when the children involved have been through so much stuff already. My heart goes out to you, just having to brace yourself for whatever disappointment may come. Wish it was different.
big bro has heard from his maternal family. they have reconfirmed plans. the waiting anxiety is still thick in the house, but there is peace in the neighborhood.
prayers in progress. . .
Sorry if I hijacked your post. Those old memories kick up emotional dust sometimes.
a-a-a-a-ah-h-h-h-cho-o-o-o-o
is it progress that the maternal family updated us on when they started the 3 hour drive? i could have lived without the excuse list for the tardiness, but it's still nice to have some clues.
it's a 3 hour for most folks. there's a reason my deceased son's in-laws seldom make it past a city limits sign. . . but it's still nice to have some clues.
About managing it, try to reframe the uncertainty as an adventure. "You never know what's going to happen!" I know it's hokey but it will give them a tool to stop focusing on their hurt or obsessing on why. In the waiting time, first, give up on trying to understand why or counting up how hurt the children will be. Just plan some open-ended activity that will distract them, maybe cooking, crafting, anything they can do but that doesn't have a firm endpoint. If they ask questions, frame it as 'some people have a completely different sense of time', or 'if it were me, I would never miss one minute of my time with you'.
Wishing you the best.
i fully embrace the wisdom of shifting the focus from the uncertainty to finding healthy distractions to occupy the wait time.
the children are off. the maternal family was only a few hours later than hoped for but the children were thrilled they showed, at all. for me, the important detail is that there is love to be nurtured there. i count the children blessed to know both branches of their family tree.