Anxiety Support Group

Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...

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Reacting to Mom's Anxiety

Edger
Edger
She is 86 years old. I call her every other day. For the last few weeks she has been calling me on the days when I don't have to talk to her telling me about a problem or possible problem. Yesterday our phones stopped working. I didn't call Mom to tell her. I wanted a day without her problems. Early the next morning a neighbor knocks on my door telling me to call my mother. She had called information to get the neighbors phone number. She had been calling me since noon the day before up until 11:00pm. She was frantic. Worried that I was in the hospital, that something had happened to me. She was extremely upset when she talked to me and was almost shouting.

I felt bad and even shaking a little when I got off the phone. I'm thinking it wasn't worth it to get a day of peace from her. This feels worse.

I'm having a hard time dealing with problems and anxiety right now. She gets to me emotionally and my own anxiety and negativity is going up listing to her for weeks.


Barbara
hyperpgal
hyperpgal
I can relate---this is why I only speak to my mother when I m feeling emotionally strong--or when I will have something that will put me back on track (like calling right before a massage or therapy) I just listen, I disengage from it emotionally. I don't go to "crazy town" with her...she goes on and on about imaginary problems--if she leaves a message and sounds nasty, or demanding I won't call back. I have to set limits for my own sanity. I also find just getting really quiet when she gets negative works wonderfully....I've actually told her that her medication is no longer working and that she needs a new scrip. I've told her I can't listen to the negative stuff..(she's aware of my anxiety issues)..so she is aware...but it really is part of her personality now. I realize it-but don't have to make it my issue any longer. I don't know if any of that will work with you--but you do need some space--maybe first just tell her you will be busy with something or other and explain that you will call her at _____ time. every other day seems like a lot when it takes so much out of you....make yourself a priority.....do what you can, but don't give up your mental health....
Community LeaderMid
Mid
I have two suggestions in addition to what hypergal mentions.

Find a telephone committee of people who enjoy calling and chatting with home-bound elderly people.

Does your mom have any activities to keep busy with? if not, if she likes puzzles, those are great to keep active with.

Loneliness is a huge contributing factor when an elderly parent focuses everything on an adult child who lives elsewhere and is keeping in touch further and further apart to minimize the stress of being "happy" on the telephone.

Best wishes.
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