Very true indeed. I've gotten those same kind of comments about myself. I was raised by both my parents but still I'm just human, not perfect. People seem to not understand it for some reason.

I would say don't give into the stereotype of "what a man should be." You are an individual. We are all capable of doing the same things. So just be competent at what you feel capable of. Learn as you go. I was raised by a single mom who did everything my dad should have done, according to stereotypes. She fixed stuff, installed things, mowed the lawn, whatever. You do what you have to do. The "be a man" mentality sounds old fashioned to me. Be a strong person. That's it.

Wow sometimes people can leave their opinions to themselves I am sorry people are giving yo uh a hard time. I would respond, what is it to you anyway? I am who I am...deal. I hate how people feel they have a right to dictate how others should live their lives. As long as your not hurting anyone or yourself...who cares!

I shouldn't worry. You're young, time will age you. :P

You may have to make a few rules for yourself, and just obey them even though I imagine every nerve and fibre will rebel (did for me).

1. never complain about anything.
2. if you catch yourself complaining and the boss argues: stop complaining.
3. work as hard as you can, as fast as you can. Pit yourself against someone near you, and always make sure you work faster than them.
4. never speak in about the first year until spoken to. After about a year you're in. Before that, just don't offer an opinion. They want you to assimilate, and you can't assimilate with an opinion.

:D

You do that you'll be fine. And it is hard, especially when people blame you for things you didn't do, or whatever.

Becoming a man isn't about following a set formula. It's about enduring horrible crap for the sake of a dollar. It puts you under pressure and forces your shape to change. And meantime you'll get muscles and a tan and the girls will like that.

Bridgie, some people do like to put their own dignity and self respect over a dollar, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Money isn't the solution to solving anxiety or any problem of that nature.

I completely understand. Add growing up and being short and feelings for guys and that's me. I do some "manly" things, or I try to. It's extra hard now being out and gay because if you like certain things then your a flamer or a fairy. Sue me,I like pop music.

It's definitely harder for straight guys because if you like anything that considered remotely "gay" or "girly" then you must secretly be.

Having five kids who were all raised the same way, and them all having VERY different personalities, I tend to think that environment isn't as much of a factor in who we turn out to be as some might think.

Not to say that being babied as a child and not having to work much wouldn't cause you to dislike work when you are older, but I think you are either born the kind of person who will push out of your comfort zone or you aren't. You are either the kind of person who says "I can do that. I will do whatever I have to do" ......or you aren't.

But it really doesn't matter if I am right or wrong. How you got to be the way you are doesn't change anything at this point. Its not like pushing yourself out of your comfort zone is a good thing or a bad thing . Its neither. Its just a thing. Its either something you want to do or something you don't want to do and you don't have to apologize for being the kind of person that you choose to be. The important thing is whether you are okay with being who you are. And if you are, that is all that matters.

Enigmatic the fire forges the steel. You don't get anything out of tepid water.

going in, one feels the other is unreasoanble. Coming back out, one learns and understands what it is all in aid of.

Self control is the way to become a man. endurance is the way to become a man. And you can't endure what you like, can you. You can only endure what you do not like.

Silent hard work at a job for a year is I think a very very very good starting point. Open up when talked to, but don't open up until talked to. I know many places who won't talk to you for a year on principle. And the respect you will gain if you endure in good natured, hard working silence is worth its weight in gold.

But you'll only ever find that out by going through it. Because it will never be spoken of.

We can't earn self respect through self indulgence. And with anxiety we don't earn self respect by complaining. It's humilating and frightening and we end up feeling like a fool.

but you can, in silence, earn respect by hard work, a smile on the face, a kind word and no complaints or criticisms. And anyone who 'puts their self respect over a dollar' in the context I'm talking about will be laughed out of town for a spoilt child who's too busy teaching to ever learn.

In a small town man's world you'll be derided (behind your back) for walking slow. Nobody will ever tell you. You have to figure it out for yourself. You'll be derided for not learning how things are done, you'll be derided for trying to change systems before you have done your time learning them. It's apprenticeship world out there, not posh private school academics. They don't want to hear your words.

So in that environment you walk fast, work fast, work hard, work keen and intelligently, always push yourself, and never ever ever complain. Not even if your foot falls off.

that is how you win respect in that environment. And you'll earn your own respect in that environment faster than anywhere else in the world.

It's a wonderful place to discover yourself. Very real, very immediate, very wholesome. very uncomfortable till you learn how it works. :D

on the orchard I worked at there was a young labourer.

About 18. Come from Christchurch, the earthquakes had gone on too long, he couldn't take it any more.

His girlfriend was diagnosed with Leukaemia. He had a baby just born, was living in a trailer, and was on his second written warning for not working hard enough.

His life was a living hell.

And he came to work every day, and he put in a solid day every day, and he worked his butt off as fast as he could to make quota, every day. He never complained. He always had a smile.

And he went home and he bathed his baby and he did the housework and tended to his dying girlfriend, and then he woke up the next day and did it all again.

This is the kind of reality these people are living with. Their lives are awful. There were people with cancer everywhere from the agriculctural chemicals. there was one guy who came to work between chemotherapy events, never complained. Never took his anger out on anyone. Never had a harsh word. Just put in a full day no matter how nauseous.

These people earn respect whether anyone wants to respect them or not. They have no choice. And this is where self respect comes from. There is no shortcut.

I can empathize with you as I have the same issue with my father.
are you able to go back to school or train for a job that would be more suitable for you?

I'm just gonna have to agree to disagree with you on that Bridge, as an individual I choose to endure what I have to. Not you or anyone else can tell me I'm not a man because of that. I've been through that kind of bullying plenty enough in my life and I'm not going to take it here too in a place that's supposed to be a support group.

Daredevil, I looked at what you wrote, and will add this to that essay. Writing it out shows that you are looking at it to find a way to make it work for you, just as you are, right now.

You are making it happen. You are not going to change anyone else, however, by changing how you handle your self, and your response (both oral and appearance), you will change the result, because the usual response will not fit any longer and forces the change naturally.

If "being a man" creates turmoil, then find a way to make the view a positive one. One of my best bosses was a man who was raised successfully by his mom, as his dad left them for another woman in the same neighborhood...and his attitude is effective for any person. Work smarter, not harder. He is a small stature person, however, everyone sees him as a "man's man".

It's not about size, it's about appearance. Hold your shoulders firmly in positive direction (look in mirror and practice until you are comfortable), put your smile into natural (this one is best done in mirror so you can feel the natural smile fit), and then put your best efforts in the work you do as you do it.

I worked in landscaping and worked smarter, not harder. It's the best way to get the job done correctly, accurately, safely, and with minimal physical pain.

Every time I hear "I hate my job", I cringe. I'm not able to do what I could before, and I would give almost anything to be able to work like that again.

Every time I hear bullying associated with disagreeing, it brings a huge sadness to my heart. Everyone's perspective is based on their real life experience, and each of us does not experience the same event in the same way.

Use your own mold, make your own mold, and define your own "manly" perspective. It does not matter what other people think, say, or do. What matters is how you handle it for you both inside and outside.

Best wishes! You are not alone.