I'm 18 and have been dating someone for about 5 months. I had a bad breakup once before largely due to anxiety, and I didn't realize I was allowing this anxiety build up to happen in my current relationship too. Now, I am aware that I am young and we haven't been dating for very long, but this relationship means a lot to me. I wrote this yesterday night to get it off my chest: 

The more I think about it, the more doubt I feel that we will work out. It's difficult to tell how much of this doubt is rooted in anxiety and overthinking and how much of it is in real concerns. I think it is a mixture of both. 

We are such different people. He is easygoing and laid back. I have an agenda. I want something out of my life. I want to advance certain goals throughout my existence. I want to take a stand in world issues and give my two cents and participate in civic discourse and try to understand others. He cares only about things that affect him, and is quick to judge people he doesn't know. 

He doesn't understand major aspects of me, as much as he tries. He does not understand my nature as being born to a Chinese family but being raised in the US. He does not understand or care for other cultures besides his own. He doesn't understand the stress and pressure I've felt my whole life over grades and success. He doesn't understand my nature as living to be productive, to get something done. He doesn't understand my mental illness. 

I know he tries, and at times I have been able to explain things to him and he has listened and understood, and that is better than I could ask from many people. But fundamentally, he does not understand. He doesn't feel what I feel. Sometimes, all he can offer is pity and anger, but not empathy. 

Part of the problem is that this relationship itself is causing me so much stress and anxiety that on some days I wonder if it's worth it at all. And while sometimes the above things set off a new wave of worrying, the real cause of the anxiety not tied to him specifically. The way I am now, I'd find a way to feel like this about every relationship. On one hand I am so horribly sure that we will break up and there's no point to anything. On the other hand I am so determined to keep us together. This toxic back and forth has grown stronger and now it is affecting my relationship more. It is no longer rooted in reality. It bends reality to it. 

He knows that we are different, but it doesn't worry him as much as it worries me. He says opposites attract. I understand that that may be his experience, but as I am now, I am realizing that people so fundamentally different from me terrify me. I just feel afraid and insecure. It doesn't work as well for me. He says we can share interests with each other and feel safe with each other (our interests are quite different too). He says he worries about connecting with me too but that we should keep trying. And I have been. 

But now I am tired. I'm tired of denying that I think that there's a problem, even if it's rooted in illogical anxiety. I want to address it but I'm scared. This is the same thing that happened in my last relationship, except I never addressed it and it built until I was distant and so anxious I just had to break it off. That was incredibly painful. And now that I'm catching myself four, five months into my new relationship, I'm not sure what to do. I am tired of continuously pushing myself to keep up a relationship that I'm not completely sure I believe in. 

To what extent to people need to be similar to be in a relationship with each other? Is it possible for truly different people to work together? And how does my anxiety factor into all of this? It would be terrible for my anxiety and inability to cope to be what breaks us up, but I feel that it is a definite possibility.

I think he is such a sweet person, and it pains me all the more to think about the possibility of breaking his heart. It hurts that I am thinking these things when I know he loves me so much. But sweet people can have flaws too, and I can't deny that. I have to be objective here. 

Complicating all of this is that we will be separating for college, just as I worried when we first got together. But that's a whole other set of worries that I won't go into today. 

And finally, I feel there is such an expectation for us to be open with each other. And that's good, it's very good when two people are comfortable together and feel okay sharing so much. But lately I haven't felt that way, and yet I still feel obligated to share all of my feelings and open my heart. His extreme perceptiveness makes it worse, he's able to immediately tell from changes in my voice and face how I'm feeling, and he's quick to ask about it. At first that was very sweet and a nice aspect of him, but now I actually want more space.

That was good to get off my chest. I don't know how much of this I should talk to him about. How much of this I would be comfortable talking to him about (taking into account that idea of wanting more space/boundaries). At least I feel better having gotten it out and having somewhere to move forward from.

Update: talked things out, feel much much better