By now, I'm sure the title has caught the attention of everyone. It's the top three areas of my life that I find the most anxiety with. I've struggled through the parenting. Starting a family, raising children and ultimately a divorce have all affected me in great ways. Some greatly negative and some greatly positive. 
          As optimistic as it may sound, there's likely a lot more positive things going on than the negative. It's the significance I hold with some of the negativity that disturbs my peace the most.  I dwell. I worry. I fantasize about the future and feel paralyzed to act. Living in the moment is scary. Being mindful of the present is troublesome when you've spent so much time in both the past and future. I'm rambling. 
            I have fears of failing as parent. As a single father of three daughters, my biggest worry is that I give my daughters the worst example of father, friend and man. I worry about being too strict or being to free with the lessons in life. I worry I won't give enough space or enough encouragement for them to push harder. 
           They are wonderful women. Smart, funny...Very kind ladies. I worry that I'll pass on my habits of worry and stress. I want their self esteem to be much stronger than mine was/is. Sometimes I don't know if I have what it takes. Make no mistake, I will never give up on them. Whether I do a great job or fuck it up royally, I will see it through to the end. I might not be able to love them for the rest of their lives...but I will surely love them for the rest of mine. 
         Adulting...it's not all it's cracked up to be. I actually find some satisfaction in a lot of the "adulting". No, not laundry. People who enjoy laundry are a whole new breed of people. I don't get it but I respect it so hard. Chores. Bills. Taxes. Hobbies. It's a lot. So much of it intertwines. The efforts. The cost. The time. Some of it doesn't even exist without the other. Making it difficult at times to prioritize or garner enough energy to takle whatever is needed. 
             Maybeb I'm depressed? Maybe the piles of laundry, the uncut grass, the dishes in the sink...maybe they're all just an extension of the mess my mind is in. To know what's going on, to have the means, and lack every bit of motivation or inspiration to act is concerning. To recognize that I could be doing more and yet doing nothing, is a problem. 
          I know we all struggle with similar issues. I know some are struggling more than others. It's a common experience for us all. I'm lost, scared and lonely. I wish as adults we were kinder to each other. The affirmations we may have received when we were younger are equally positive as adults. Being told you've done a great job , Thank you, I appreciate you, I'm proud of you...are so meaningful. We don't get those affirmations enough as adults. Well, I don't.  It's likely some receive the adequate amount. I feel like I'm missing something inside.