Hello. It is great that you decided to reach out on here. You will find some really great people who care and are going through similar struggles/feelings. My kids are grown and on their own now and I worry about them daily. Cannot imagine the struggles of having kiddos at home right now with all that is going on in our world (arranging schooling, activities, etc. and trying to hold it together in front of them/for them). Just know it is okay to be sad, stressed, and to feel helpless.....even as a parent. We are all human and learning how to navigate through these times. Sending you much love and support!!!!

Be kind to yourself and know you are not alone:)

Thank you for that! It really is just a slippery slope. Once I start to feel uncomfortable it just seems to bounce back and forth between thoughts in my mind and feelings in my body and it just won't go away. Even if it doesn't always get worse, it just keeps doing that until I'm mentally and emotionally drained, and then the anxiety gets the upper hand.

Here's what to do when you're thinking. Stop thinking and start doing.

That way your brain can retrieve balance in the moment.

Keep writing in a daily private journal.

Make time to let your feelings out in private.

Welcome to the anxiety board at DS.

Thanks Mid, and you're so right. Those things are all very important.

Hello Brockster. Welcome to DS. I hope you'll feel safe to channel and vent those anxieties here. Nope, wallowing doesn't help, but those feelings have to go somewhere.

Listening. . .
You are not alone.
Welcome aboard.

Hey Brockster,
I saw your post when I was previewing this site and decided to join because my story is very similar to yours. I’ve have been struggling with small panic attacks over the last couple weeks as well and it’s been years since I’ve struggled with them. It’s definitely all the current stressors catching up with me.
I’m going to start getting back into meditation, exercise more and try to continue doing what’s important to me in spite of the anxiety. But it has been hard so far.

my story is pretty similar--I was REALLY bad-non-functioning about 6 yrs ago and then did everything to get better-I worked really hard. But then in march we went into shutdown and I am a prime target for this virus--so freaked out again---meds and therapy have put me sort of back together. I hope you find what works for you--I personally think you should find spots and times to wallow a little--then pull it together when your kids are around. everyone should be allowed to wallow for a little bit!

Thanks everyone. Yeah... things had been going good for quite a while. Even into the beginning of the pandemic I tried to keep a smiley face on. My office switched to remote, so I'm still working and safe. Online school was rough for my kids, but we were all together. Then summer rolled around the weather got nice and I just kept telling myself "this is fine". I was also trying to be the voice of positivity and optimism for my kids... be solid for them when the world isn't. But after months of this, and the fact that it seems to just keep getting worse, I think I've finally just been worn down. I can't pretend it's fine anymore, and all the feelings I've been stuffing for months are coming out to play.

That piece of providing "the voice of positivity and optimism for my kids" has been the meanest pathogen in my personal COVID petri dish. I was around 6 months into my second parenting career (today is my 66th birthday) when Corona crowned and ? ? ? The greatest compensation I've found so far is that I no longer need to worry about deciphering the 21st parenting innovations like, "WTF is a playdate for children?"

My attempt to cope has been to vent honestly and openly about the Coronaville confusions within my therapy support network (this forum included) while taking it play by play with my 3 orphans. Methinks our greatest blessing has been that we live on a farm with right proper social distances to work with. Keep your mask on the proper side of the property line, Maskite. It has been a lo-o-o-ong, lonely summer.

The new academic year is already behind schedule and is looking as fearfully iffy as the rest of Coronaville. Dare I gamble on the social instability *out there*? We've decided to give maskite school a try, buttttttttaaaaa. . . Not even elementary schools look kid friendly in Coronaville.

We're less than two weeks from the current provisional start date. I'm barely achieving "Fake it till you make it" mode in my voice of positivity and optimism for the sake of the kids. I am far from confident in my ability to navigate the two oldest orphans through 2nd grade and PreK within the currently available school options.

Works in progress. . . Small steps, big faith and lots of prayer.

Had a really rough night last night... up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep. Panic started setting in around 5ish. I feel like my meds aren't working anymore, or this latest round of anxiety brought on my the general state of the world has just overpowered what I've been taking. Should get a call from my psych today to discuss what else we can do. I find myself kind of obsessing about having myself committed while we get the meds sorted out again. It's what I had to do 6 years ago when the med I was on then stopped working and the withdrawal while starting the new med was beyond awful. But, at the same time, I have fears and guilt about what impact it would have on the kids for me to go back into the hospital again.

Is it possible that a steadying cyber-hand on your shoulder might be enough make a diff on this go-round? Just wondering. . . I know it often makes a huge diff in my psychotic episodes. It works if I work it.

Steadying support while you work the process, Brockster. You are not alone. Keep venting. Your answers are in there.

Listening. . .

Thanks arfie,

I think what I'm starting to run into is that compartmentalizing the anxiety and the emotion so I can work, or act normal(ish) with my kids is just draining me. I get mentally and physically and emotionally tired... and that makes is all so much harder to deal with. And I'm especially concerned that my kids are going to need a good amount of support when school starts up and, the way I am now, I'm just not going to be able to provide it for them. I just want/need to feel like my old self.

Here's to praying we can lean on each other, Brockster. What I want isn't on the Coronaville options menu, so I'm just trying to figure which poison to pick.

On my little ship of fools, the back to school anxiety is so alien that we are barely have words to talk about ^it^. Masked and socially distant elementary school sounds even more alien than orphanhood. The local school district has asked us to assure the children there will be smiles behind the masks floating 3 feet above their heads. Who's gonna assure me?

Public homeschooling sounds even more alien than masked and socially distant elementary school. Tapping into established homeschooling networks sounds like more work than my senior bones can handle.

Part of me wants to *just* stick with the current social distancing until the current social instability settles into whatever's next. I have even felt guilty urges to go ahead and let my foster charges get lost and separated in the system. Old bones only go so far.

Indeed. I was able to keep this crazy new world at arm's distance for quite a while. But eventually it made it's way in and now I'm totally overwhelmed... not so much with how it's working, but with how I feel about it. And whether that's why my meds aren't working so great or something else, I don't know... but it's a double whammy. I've been trying to get ahold of my psych, but I think he's out of town and not returning my calls, which is stressing me out. I feel like action needs to be taken, and taken sooner than later, to stop this from getting any worse... and right now I'm just exhausted, which makes it all so much worse.