we have a two family outing planned for today to take 5 kids and 3 adults to see "disney on ice" in the nearby metroplex. this morning finds my social anxiety raging, iced by the challenges of finding my way around a big city i've avoided for more years than i care to count. i want to carry a metaphorical umbrella to keep the anxiety cloud from raining acid drops on the parade. today's read from "meditations for people who worry" is resonating quite loudly as a potential spine for my umbrella.

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whether happiness comes or not, one should try to prepare one's self to live without it. ~george elliot

can one ever really prepare to do without happiness and live a full life? i doubt it.

happiness, like most of the things that happen to us in a life, is a gift. we can't make happiness happen. we can, however, keep it from happening. in fact, i suspect that one good way of keeping it from happening is to prepare ourselves to do without it. after all, once we have put all that time into such careful preparations, it would be disappointing to worry and have happiness descend upon us like sunshine on our storm cloud.

fortunately, life does not usually ask us what we have prepared for and then give it to us. life is more like the seasoning in a good soup . . . a little of this, a dash of that, a dollop of that over there, and a pinch of something else thrown in for good measure. in the end, it's the whole mixture that makes the soup.

happiness might be more like the salt than the potatoes in a good vegatable soup.

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i can't expect my anxiety demons to just go away like good little undesireables, but? ? ? maybe more salt than acid rain?

sigh. . .

stepping small, praying big and letting god lead the dance.