Anxiety Support Group

Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...

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Looking for advice

livingly
livingly

Hi everyone I'm hoping for some advice on a challenge I'm having. Recently my mom was calling my grandfather to wish him a happy birthday. Talking on the phone makes me anxious. When she came in the room to have him talk on the phone she sat next to me and I got more nervous. I ended up getting up to go to the bathroom because I was nervous. Later that night she got upset with me about it and she basically guilt tripped me and shamed me for it. She even questioned if my therapy was working. I tried to give my perspective and my thoughts but it just seemed to make her more upset. She wants me to talk to my therapist about this but I'm not sure if I want to just because it's what she wants. What do you think I should do? 

MelT2020
MelT2020
I feel the same way about talking on the phone. Even in my older age my mom still tries to pull me into her phone convos with others. I asked her why. She said it takes some of the pressure off her to have a long conversation with the other person. I told her I don't want to be her scapegoat. I see nothing wrong with leaving the room because you were uncomfortable.
mtd
mtd
On the other hand, are you sure you want to alienate the world? Maybe your mom doesn’t understand completely what you are going thru, but it does sound like she has your best interest at heart, whether you understand it or not. Being a mom myself and have anxiety, I understand both sides.
Community LeaderMid
Mid
As a person who has to have someone next to me giving me lip reading what is being said on the phone, I can relate to the space/request being uncomfortable.

Just flat out say you're not talking right then. It's not up to you to make your mom feel better.

It's her choice, her decision, her actions. Not yours. You do what works for you. And, rather than respond, let your silence speak for yourself-you were not wanting to talk on the phone, so do the same with her self-serving shame, guilt, ..., that's hers not yours.
arfie
arfie
on the phone-phobia, i can only offer empathy. i'm another with hearing issues and the hearing gifted people are all too often callously deaf to the problems attached. my newest psycho tick is to have fantasies of torture on the people who know of my hearing issues and STILL keep pushing phone calls, podcasts and teledocs on me. my husband is the only person i know who seems to even care.

as for your discomfort in outgrowing maternal cuddling, i, too, think you ought to bring it up with your shrink. there is important stuff to unpack in that life changing transition.
donttread
donttread
Since you asked, and only since you asked, I think you should bring it up in therapy. You can look at your phone anxiety or maybe your dynamic with mom. Progress potential both ways.
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