I started to have an attack over my card gettting declined while out to lunch with my boyfriend. We were going dutch and I ordered first. His food came and he inquired as to where mine was so I told him I didn't order any. Feeling very warm with watery eyes I focused on my phone and couldn't even make eye contact. He offered to pay for me but I just couldn't get past the fact that I'm feeling like such a failure in life right now... He says I work too much and he doesn't want me to work more. But I can't do every month paycheck to paycheck. 

I really need to work more. I'm afraid I'll become more irratable and he will get sick of it. I was making really good money in the summer and now I'm just barley skimming by. I'm in the negative a bit from automatic withdrawls... I'm freaking out. I feel like such a failure. Like my life is going no where. I don't have money for things like clothes and cosmetic stuff to look nice. I'm feeling insecure. I feel like every one around me is always getting new things, always going on dates with their sig others, has plenty of excess money to put into savings. Here I am skipping lunches and feeling embarrased infront of my boyfriend. 

I guess I'm mostly worried he'll notice my lack of financial stability be weary of a future with me. I'm killing myself over this. I almost started crying. I want to work more but I'm scared of what he'll be doing in his free time. Which is a stupid though because he's constantly showing me his affection and love for me. I can't help but think what will happen if I am not there to give him my attention...