Stop. Pause. Breathe.

A mother's body changes from a shape not creating a miracle within.

You need to take time for you first. Stand in front of the mirror and practice your beautiful and confidence appearance until you can feel it naturally. Every day, remind yourself you're beautiful!

Just because he says it does NOT make it your problem. Just because he wants you to listen to him without him listening to you does NOT mean you must follow what you are hearing. You are responsible for what you say, do, and how you react. Put your well-being first.

You took the all important first step in writing it out. You are not alone. You are much stronger than you realize!

Best wishes.

Thanks and I get that I really do but we are struggling as a couple and I really want him to make me feel special to him and to make me feel desired by him. I’m close to calling it quits and it kills me but if he can’t make the effort why should I? It’s stupid of me but I place a lot of trust and my heart into my relationships, to the point my happiness though doesn’t depend on them but is affected by them and their actions etc.

I am responsible for my own life etc but I struggle with it and when I get no help from him with trying to be happy in myself I just plummet

I do remember your other posts. You have been together 7 years and from what you've described of your boyfriend, he is not going to change looking at porn and wanting threesomes.... even if you lost 1000 lbs. 7 years and you should know how he is now, and that he is not going to change unless he wants to change.

The problem is not about anyone's weight (by the way, I will bet that most women have stretch marks and cellulite after having two kids, and you would need expensive laser treatments and risky plastic surgery to get rid of it anyway.... losing weight won't make those go away).

I think you know the problem is not with YOU.... it is with HIM. And that nothing you have done, or are doing, seems good enough for him. Nothing that will stop him from watching porn and wanting you to do a threesome. This is NOT about YOU.

Can you get into therapy? Just you. Therapy could help you with your self esteem and give you tips to talk to him in an assertive manner.

Just know..... NONE of this is about YOU, and losing more weight will not solve the problems he has. He is really the one that should be doing for YOU... the mother of his two children. He should be treating you like a queen!

Hello Want To. Welcome to the forum.

Sex/romance goddess I've never been, nor ever wanted to be, but that transition from free agent to mother was/is THE hardest of my life. Then we get to the countless parenting transitions between infancy to adulthood. It's enough to keep BOTH Mom and Dad anxious, confused and insecure.

Support helps mightily. Hope you find a bit of that support here. Welcome aboard.

You are responsible for how you feel about yourself, not him. You feel a certain way because of his behavior but that's not him making you feel that way about yourself.

If he's into porn or threesomes, that has nothing to do with your looks or your body or you. That's his stuff.

I wish he were different but he isn't, So I'd accept that this is who he is. You've been together long enough now to see that. Everyone's happiness is affected by their partner, so you aren't unique in that. But he's not responsible for how you feel about yourself. That is on you. If you don't like your body, that is on you to either try to change or accept and be ok with your body. There are somethings you can't change without surgical intervention but honestly if you have two babies and don't have the money or resources to make your body go back to what it was pre babies, like celebrities do, which is completely unrealistic and not always entirely healthy, then do what you can but it's gotta come from you to be comfortable with your body. His porn thing has nothing to do with how you look. Believe that. Any dude who would rather watch porn than be all over their partner. that's not about the partner. Honestly, that's some warped thing he has going on that truly has nothing to do with you.

I think it’s totally normal for your confidence to be a bit shaky if you are in a bad relationship. But his disfunction can’t be cured by you. You deserve better. I had stretch marks too but it never ever affected my sex life. And wanting a threesome? WTF. Is he a good husband in other ways, is he a good father, is he a decent human being? Good luck while you go through this.

I’ve had stretch marks since high school which is why I’m not fussed on them. I’ve had cellulite for just as long which is a sore point but I’ve reduced it and I’m still working on it. I will never look like a Victoria secrets model (and quite honestly I like curves, I just wish mine didn’t wobble so much lol but we are getting there). I get why a threesum is appealing to a bloke I really do and it’s not like he goes out of his way to bring it up or anything but his actions and lack of respect for me is what is getting to me. I complain to his mother and she is with me for the most part and says that men have a defective gene and yeah sure some do but we aren’t in a time where men can get away with crap just because they are male. I have a brain (when it wants to work properly), I have feelings and extremely strong opinions about relationships and how mine should be. Regardless of a mother’s employment status her wishes and feelings should be taken into account and respected. Just as I try to understand his point of view, though in my opinion he is very selfish and can not compromise on anything.
We went to a party he wanted to go to and as we left the host got really handsy and kissed me on the mouth (we’ve met once or twice before and he is older then my dad and married) when I told my partner (who had walked off without me to the car) he said yeah that’s just him. Then when I said I would like him to defend me from crap like that and the other blokes who were just dicks he said that he told me he was leaving and that it’s my fault for staying behind. I’m sorry but the host came up to me as soon as I turned to leave and held me back. As we were walking around the property the host would hold me back as I’m trying to catch up with my partner acting like he’s on my side (I wanted to leave and they were trying to convince my partner to go get my kids and bring them back and keep drinking and take a sickie). I just don’t know what to think.

This should be in healthy relationships, not on anxiety. I am closing this to new comments.