Anxiety Support Group

Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...

23,095 Members
43,236 Posts
0 Online
Anxiety Disorders
/ Anxiety Support Group

Insecure about dating

pinkgnomie13
pinkgnomie13

Hello...  I have anxiety, depression, and PTSD.  I'm in a new relationship, which appears to be the best one I've ever had.  He is respectful of my boundaries, he is doting and affectionate, and he calls me every day if we can't see each other.  He tells me I'm beautiful and that he's the luckiest guy in the world to have me.  However, I can't shake the feeling that he's going to get bored with me, dump me, decide I'm not worth it, fall out of love with me, etc. 


I know it's just a history of being rejected, and I know my feelings aren't necessarily based in the present reality, but I can't help it.  I can't ask him for confirmation of how he feels every day, and I can't beg him to promise to stay with me forever.  I have to be okay with him leaving me at some point.  I also feel like that's not a good way to enter into a relationship with someone (expecting them to leave all the time.) I am getting more and more stressed out about it.  I'm losing sleep, I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack all the time, and I've started pulling my hair out again.  I know an anxiety attack is coming.  It's just building up, but every way I can think of to stave it off isn't going to help me.  I can't desperately essentially beg a man to give me a life-long commitment when we've not even been together a full month yet.  I know I have to calm myself down before I do something crazy and really mess everything up with this guy. 


Does anyone else experience this?  How do you cope with these thoughts?  How do you basically tell your anxiety to shut up?  

AriannaJasmineRose
AriannaJasmineRose
It's normal to have doubts with a new relationship, especially if you have gone through a lot of heartbreak.
As difficult as it may be, share your thoughts with him. Tell him that you are afraid of not having that serious commitment that you are looking for. Make sure that he is also looking for the same commitment that you are. If he is as nice as you say, he will understand your worries.
I don't expect you to go right up to him and spill your guts. Just a little bit at a time will do. Maybe one day menti0n one of the concerns you have and then a few days later, mention another one.
Best of luck,
Arianna
anxietypath
anxietypath
Often what happens is that you open up your emotions, and being that anxiety is an emotion, it can set off higher levels of anxiety. The other component of this is "control" - not only are you trying subconsciously to control the relationship as a whole, you are trying to control the future. This is very common for many people with anxiety disorders. Grasping a sense of control makes us feel like we will in some way protect ourselves from getting hurt.

Recovery from anxiety disorders is in "behavior modification" - its essentially learning to look away from your fear and create a new response to your emotional triggers. It takes time, it takes effort, but it is possible.

You cannot just stop your anxiety from coming, that will not work. But you do not have to cater to it when it does come. If I can be of further help you can send me a message. Wishing you all the best!
arfie
arfie
I've been married 38 years and still go through bouts of this kind of stuff. When I'm not agonizing over losing him, I'm agonizing that I'll be trapped with his old farts and irritating habits forever. Geez. . . Waffle much?

I credit the phenom to my damaged self-esteem and ply self-esteem building exercises when it hits. There are lots and lots of them on the internet.

Gentle support while you find your way through. Pink.
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
Do not ask him how he feels about this.... it hasn't even been one month yet. I understand how you are feeling. One thing that helps is staying busy, especially socially. See and talk to your friends often, your family, people at your school or work. Do hobbies, group sports, etc. When you have a decent amount of people that you have contact with, you won't feel that desperate-type-feeling of losing him. This should help you relax a bit, and you can just have fun dating him and let things develop naturally with him. Also, a therapist is another option, to work through your self esteem and anxiety issues. Wishing you much luck!
victum
victum
lucky you I thought 2 years ago I met a girl she was at first to good to be true after helping her out moving her in with me taking her on holiday it was amassing she complemented me all the time the sex wow she stopped being so nice got board did nothing paid for nothing even after she had agreed to paying a small amount I got fed up being used and with out much discussion she took off and moved her self out I stupidly wanted her back I was and now am still lonely she came back I helped her did every thing had cooked cleaned shopping all she did is bye more stuff that filed my home she bought two new cars for her self designer clothing every thing she had was the best new . I have not been able to bye any thing new in years I have a house to pay for and can not afford to live the way she does I wanted her to stop I can not live this way she had a bankrupt all ready before she met me I wanted her to see what real life was like she is a look it up how to get over a psychopath and used me even worse so if things are to good to be true they are be carful I am so torn up over dealing with her she is a train wreck who wanted to take me with her uses every one around her I saw it for my self.
so it may not be a bad thing if he leaves you it would be for the best this is what I need to believe because I am going through what you are now to this is hell wish you all the best
Oneseedatatime
Oneseedatatime
Hi pinkgnomie13,
You have great insight! Are you in therapy?
One of the greatest pieces of advice I have heard is that our feelings are indicators not dictators (Lysa Terkurst). This does not mean that we won't feel what we feel but it helps us remember and redirect to the truth and yes indeed there is uncertainty in it as there is in every single thing on this earth except the love of Jesus Christ. Feelings just let us know where our mind is going but they cannot dictate what we do. So accept your feelings but do not let them boss you around. You make the choice to be content just where you are. God will take care of the rest!
pinkgnomie13
pinkgnomie13
Yes, I am in therapy. I haven't brought any of this up to my therapist. I've been trying to work through calming techniques to keep myself together instead of freaking out. Over the weekend, I slept some more, took a little extra anti-anxiety meds, and focused on studying and working. It helped that, although we texted, we didn't talk on the phone for an hour like we normally do until last night. It helped me think about other things, and then everything felt better last night. He actually opened up and admitted that he had similar apprehensions to mine. So we're much better. I still feel anxiety building, but I will have to figure out another outlet for that.
Posts You May Be Interested In
  • GreenEyes727

    My Diary

    Posted by: GreenEyes727
    Last Reply: GreenEyes727
    7
    I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying.  I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there.  I think that I will start writing in it again.  It's so therapeutic.  
  • Vince3789

    Missing Therapy

    Posted by: Vince3789
    Last Reply: hasty_05
    5
    First, I hope everyone is doing well, and continuing to fight that good fight! Keep up the great work on yourselves; I'm rooting for all of you!So, I started doing therapy at the beginning of the year, when I was in my most depressed state, but with my therapist, I made big changes and steps in the right direction. But, over a month ago, she couldn't take my insurance anymore, and I had to stop...