Anxiety Support Group
Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...
Hi, I have having a very difficult time with my anxiety. I have no doubt countless others are also facing many of the same fears. I feel lost and alone with no answers in sight. I have been a cardiac nurse for 10 years and have always loved being a nurse up until now. I feel like I’ve lost all sense of control over life and my anxiety. In the past, I never sought help for my anxiety. I have always felt my anxiety was nothing compared to what other people are going through in life. I have always been able to hide my anxiety pretty well and push myself through it until now. I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall that I can’t knock down. I have been having weekly therapy sessions for a few weeks, but it is not helping my frame of mind or to lower my anxiety. It started when they began to pull nurses from my unit to work on the covid 19 unit. Ever since my finance committed sudicide 4 years ago, I have a big problem with always thinking the worst case scenario will happen. I have so much guilt from not doing the right things to stop him. I envision that I will contract the virus and pass it to my loved ones. I decided that if I were to get pulled to the unit, I would self quarantine myself from everyone possible. However, then I envisioned I would die from the virus. I see what my fiancé’s family went through when he passed and I don’t ever want my family to have to go through that pain. I started having panic attacks on my way to work, I was unable to eat, sleep and could not stop my heart from racing. I couldn’t hide my anxiety anymore. I made a doctors appointment and was approved for a 4 week leave of absence from work. I have so much guilt for not doing my part in helping to take care of the patients on the covid 19 unit. I have to return to work next week and I’m scared I’m not going to be able to handle my anxiety. I don’t want to lose my job. Being a nurse and being able to help people means the world to me. That is why I am having such a hard time coping. I feel like I’m being pulled between my desire to help people and my anxiety and my anxiety is winning. I honestly feel that something very bad is going to happen if I go work on the covid 19 unit. I feel like I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I don’t know how to control my anxiety and I’m running out of time. Thank y’all for listening. It means a lot that there are people out there that may understand.
-
I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
-
Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
I've been suffering from Anxiety & Panic attacks for at least the last couple of years and feel your pain.
I am not working anymore and not a nurse, I still wanted to stop and give you what little support I could and send blessings for your heart to care for others.
My best childhood friend is an RN, although she is on disability until her retirement. I am so grateful she isn't working and not in the middle of all this COVID-19 stress & worry.
Could you extend your leave? We are all coping differently with this health crisis and it's not, I feel, a sign of weakness, or not, doing your part, to speak up and say that right now at least you can't handle returning to your job. I don't think you can be fired if you are on medical leave. Just some options and thoughts to be sure you are taking care of yourself and your family first.
I do hope these words have given you some comfort and clarity and eased your worries a bit. Please keep in touch!
Take Care & Be Well
goldsky
I'm a lifelong severe anxiety sufferer who typically leaves the room when the Blessing Counters start talking about how much worse they could have ^it^. I quite pointedly don't call attention to the fact, but those conversations typically end with everybody thanking God they are not me. It sucks being the low totem on the Blessing Pole at any party, even though I *know* that the participants are comparing apples and elephants. Facts and feelings often disable one another.
Every case of anxiety is unique and capable of escalating at any time to the point of full disability. My physical analogy is that you can get gangrene from a paper cut if you ignore it hard enough. Welcome to the space where you can discuss your anxiety freely while it is still small enough to heal without undue drama.
Welcome aboard. Hope you find stabilizing companionship here. You are not alone.
For what it's worth
I still don't feel like COVID-19 is significantly worse than any annual flu bug. The 90+% survival rate sounds significant in my ears. I'm worried about having to do this *every* flu season. Are the germaphobes of Coronaville going to trigger into mass panic when 19 does what viruses do and evolves into 20, 21, 22, 23, etc., ad infinitum? Then we get to protecting our immune systems to full compromise and toxic build up from all those chemical sanitizers. . .
One of the more difficult decisions is to stay working in an environment full of danger, which is "fight or flight" for any one.
If you love to do the work you do, and your "fear of fear" is keeping you from making practical choices, then writing it out (sentence by sentence) will help you see the pattern of your thoughts and you can change and distract by adding something you're doing to change it to each sentence.
Feelings are real. Memories are real. However, they are not practical choices to base life decisions.
Best wishes with your decision and start writing in a private journal daily.
I don't know if that's your real name, but it's a great one! I wonder if you watched "Hunger Games"....in it, President Snow says, "The only thing stronger than fear is hope." Such a nugget of wisdom.
I'm also an RN (recently retired), and I completely understand. Does your employer have an employee assistance program? They are there to help people with their emotional issues as well as other types of struggles.
Perhaps you could be transferred temporarily to another unit that doesn't have COVID19 patients, or extend your leave without penalty.
A lot of people are struggling with severe anxiety during this pandemic. You are certainly not alone. I wonder if you feel that it has also had the effect of bringing up a lot of the emotions from your fiance's suicide? I ask this since you said you didn't seek help before, you carry guilt, and were good at hiding your anxiety. When we bury deep emotions and tragic events, they have a way of resurfacing at some point. So I wonder if part of what's going on is not just the fear of the things you mentioned, but also the deep well of grief that perhaps hasn't been dealt with???
I always try to solve problems, or advise others to do so, without meds, but in this case, I'd say that getting on an anxiolytic, even temporarily, might help you to get through this. If you could feel calm, then perhaps you could process all the emotions better. Counseling is great, too. Would you consider talking to a pastor? Spiritual counseling can help you in ways that affect your soul, deep down, where it hurts the most.
You sound like an awesome nurse who truly cares for her patients. When this pandemic stuff is over, you'll likely go back to your job without all these fears. But the thing is, since life is full of surprises, don't you want to be prepared to handle future challenges feeling healthy and healed emotionally from your past trauma? Please be kind and compassionate to yourself as you are to your patients, and seek as much help as you need.
Another suggestion is attending a grief recovery group. You can find them at hospitals, hospice organizations, mortuaries, churches, and online.
Keep in mind that no one has control over the future. All your fears are based on the "what if's" of the future. Most of our worries and fears do not come true, but they consume a good amount of our present time, and they steal from you the joy, peace, hope, and gratitude of today. I've learned to cast my cares on the Lord and trust him to get me through whatever hardships are in my future. He has never failed to carry me through and to provide comfort along the way.
I'm sending a virtual hug and a real-time prayer. Blessings to you, nurse-sister!