Anxiety Support Group

Anxiety is a physical condition marked by intense and persistent feelings of distress, fear, angst or dread. General anxiety caused by routine day-to-day stresses usually passes quickly and is experienced by almost everyone at one time or another. However, such feelings that linger over time and are very difficult to cope with, and which lack a clear cause, may indicate...

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I want to give up. But I won't.

LettGoBreathe
LettGoBreathe

Yesterday was a horrible day. I was exhausted all day. My boyfriend was off work. I became increasingly paranoid and upset at him all day due to how he convinced me to go out and drink all weekend when I didn't want to.


So what did I do...? I went to the store and bought more beer. And I drank it and my paranoia went from bad to worse. The anxiety also went from bad to worse. He is an alcoholic who pressures me to drink, yes, but yesterday the craving to drink came from my own mind, not his. I started accusing him of going to the bar all day without me, I got increasingly paranoid


This is where the bad part happens. I messaged a girl I work with and drunkenly opened up to her. I said he raised his fist at me. Then I apologized and told her to ignore it and that I was drinking. I apologized this morning.


We work together every day. She will be starting in about half an hour. I have never wanted to die so much in my entire life. I am humiliated. I am worried she is going to tell people. She likes to drink herself, and has invited me out a couple times yet I declined, (my boyfriend didn't want me to go)  but I feel like she doesn't lose control like I do.


I don't know what to do. I feel like an idiot. I need to stop drinking, stop blaming my boyfriend for mentally "forcing" me to drink when I have a problem too, it's like I feel like this relationship is horrible and I wouldn't be like this if I was with someone else or single. I don't know what to do. We have literally no money now for 3 weeks because we walked down to the bar last night.


I don't know what to say to the girl I messaged on Facebook. I don't know why I did that.



LettGoBreathe
LettGoBreathe
I know what you all will say to leave him get sober etc like you don't think I didn't think of that already
... I am messed up. I am trapped. I am an alcoholic and I pit myself in my own situation. I get that. I do. Nothing you say will make me feel worse than I already do.
LettGoBreathe
LettGoBreathe
I think my previous relationship where he became a dilaudid addict after 2 years who used needles and lied to me about it messed me up. I always think people are lying to me. My boyfriend has also cheated on me before with his ex and slept at her house multiple times and I took him back and he cut her off. I also slept around when I was single with... I dont know how many men. So.

I know my self worth is low. I know I need help. I just feel like I'm drowning and that I'm so fucked up I will never be happy and normal.
GirlinCalif
GirlinCalif
No one here is here to judge you. We are here to listen, and offer support and guidance... at least that is what I try to do.... I won't speak for the others here. I am sure others will have better advice for you than I have, but I wanted to give you something for just - right now. Never mind about the girl on Facebook that you messaged. Just forget that for now, and don't message her again today (even if she messages you). And, is this the same boyfriend that you had the argument about the expensive camera (under "Healthy Relationships" board?) So, I do think there are some financial issues that you two are having at the moment. And you said before that when you threatened to leave him, he raised his fist at you. So, let's admit that you, and him....but just you for now... need some help and you don't want to live like this anymore, right? I would encourage you to go to an AA meeting. They are free of charge. You can get a sponsor there that you can talk to and that will help you. And, it might be the combination of alcohol and a not-so-great and unstable boyfriend that are contributing to your paranoia that you are experiencing. Hang in there, things will get better for you. It will all turn out okay. You are important. It's going to take a few positive and healthy actions on your part.

I better let the other posters take over now...
LettGoBreathe
LettGoBreathe
Thanks. I have a thing with religion because it was forced on me as a kid and then as an adult my aunts and uncles all wouldn't accept that I didn't believe in God. I have read the 12 steps book before and to me it all sound s like a load of religious crap I don't believe in and quite frankly can't stand. There has to be a way to gain control back of my life another way.
LettGoBreathe
LettGoBreathe
We won't be able to drink anyways for a while because we have no money... Even though he always finds a way to come up with money for beer... He is already maxed out with the friend he borrows money from.
LettGoBreathe
LettGoBreathe
We won't be able to drink anyways for a while because we have no money... Even though he always finds a way to come up with money for beer... He is already maxed out with the friend he borrows money from.
chrissy1984
chrissy1984
we all do things we wish we didnt do but we cant change the past we can only move forward in this moment and try to take small steps to improve things take things a moment at a time until you can see further inhead
Community LeaderMid
Mid
All I will say is to work with your anxiety, you'll have to learn how to recognize that the anxiety is natural and it is a part of you.

Once you find a coping mechanism that is natural to help balance your anxiety, you'll be able to sort through the thought patterns and distract them to different choices.

You are responsible for what you say, do, and how you react. You are not responsible for others. So, treat your choices for your well-being first and others' response will change, not always for the better, and then as you continue to make changes, they will also change their responses.

Start simple. Make a simple choice to help you feel better in the moment.

Best wishes.
Yard_Eggs
Yard_Eggs
That religious crap got me sober back in 2004. Still sober to this day. How is your plan working for you?

If AA is not for you, you need to find something if you really want to quit drinking.
arfie
arfie
My just-a-patient senses believe I am seeing high levels of awareness in your rambles. Perhaps enough that you already know your next step and will take that step when you are ready?

Keep sorting, Lettgo. Your answers are in there.

Continued support, whichever way you take ^it^.
LettGoBreathe
LettGoBreathe
I didn't mean to offend anyone with "religious crap" that definitely works for some people. I have read the book. I just didn't find it worked for me. Maybe I didn't believe in it enough. Who knows.
I'm not saying I want to quit drinking forever... I wish I could be with someone who knew how to drink moderately. I feel like dating an alcoholic is turning me into an alcoholic. Maybe that makes me weak. Man my mind is messed up.
LettGoBreathe
LettGoBreathe
The sad Thing is, the girl who I accidentally messaged on Facebook, is the only one who ever invited me to anything. Of course I never went, my boyfriend always said it was never a good idea to drink around work people, (aka get wasted... Which I guess is smart...)

So now the only person on the floor who kind of wanted to hang out with me thinks I'm a weirdo who gets drunk on a Monday night and messages people about her boyfriend. And then says to ignore it with a pizza emoji.

What the hell have I done
AnnieToman
AnnieToman
yes i under stand your feelings on religion, it was stuffed down my throat to. Cant understand why they did that, it only brought resentment. im very anti religious , because you dont need religion to have a relationship with God, God NEEDS NO MIDDLE MAN., I hope i dont sound like im preaching to you, im not. i\m just telling you what i know. FOR many years i thought there wasnt a god, my pleas went unanswered , its just that religion clouded the vision of what God is actually is. HE spoke but i didnt hear him. He doesnt speak in a sense through burning bushes or an deep voice that you can hear. it because if you have a good heart one with love inside he is always there speaking to you, and if you have a cold heart hes not there. its that simple , dont need a middle man for that. SO if you have a kind heart listen to it, you will know what you need to do. GOOD LUCK, im not one to preach i seldom do, but in your case i think you needed to understand how i see God.
AnnieToman
AnnieToman
ALCOHOL and DRUGS can make fools of us all. its a very humbling experience to think of what we did or said while under the influence. A lot of time we are just acting out a feeling we normally repress but keep buried under a pile of inhibitions. YES inhibitions are there for a reason, to avoid the situation your under now. Well thats the price you have to pay because you got drunk and had a smart phone. sometimes i question the reasoning behind calling it a smart phone because sometimes it makes us incredibly dumb. guess you learned your lesson, time to make a cover story to explain what happened to your co-worker so she doesnt start assuming the wrong things. yes alcohol is a very bad drug. better do weed next time.
brooksharoldw
brooksharoldw
I really agree with GirlinCalif. I think you would really benefit from an AA meeting. They could appoint you to someone, such as a social worker, to help give you the tools to get better. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am always a message away.
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